I’m ready to SHOUT

and yell

and scream

and cry
when all of you, faceless sapiens
drag on by, blissfully unaware
of the plague slaughtering droves
in my mind;


I’m ready to confess

and disclose

and attest
to the reasons why I shy away,
cold and detached as a lizard’s tail
lifelessly existing for a purpose
left in the dark to find;

                                                          ­      I’m damaged
                                                         ­  and I’m scared
                                                          ­                         I’m alone
                                                     I’m damaged and
                                                             ­    scared of being alone
                                                           ­                 

                            but shouting your fears
                               to those who don’t listen
                                  only carries to their ears
                                       as a minute *whisper

Complacency has touched me
in the most awkward of ways
sighing between strums of minor rests
sending ringing open E’s to reverberate
through my chest
I love to listen to the
sounds I create in order:
    EBEG#bE
flicking and flapping,
a green brain pic clapping against
golden steel strings
and the spruce sings
a harmonious song—
***** California and the
words you get wrong
notes that sound strong
and remind the mind of how
heavenly sequence can be
    EBEG#bE

Sensual this time, platonic the next—
let’s not be one too often
regardless of optional ***

Let’s keep things spaced     out
so emotions don’t grow    too strong
You may have the right intentions,
but these notions are wrong

Don’t tickle my complex
into laughing away current issues
    I want to say “I love you”
    and suffice for “I miss you”
   The last thing I want to do
   is overwhelm you with words
you’re not accustomed to
so I’ll snuggle you closer,
as close as two beings can be,
and imagine bonding our skin
fusing intricately

   I connect with you
  on another plane
   and I’m dependent upon
your amorous pain

and I wish and hope and
inevitably know there’s not
a chance between us again
when we’ll be anything more than
just friends (here and then)
   because you and I are going
   through the same stages of life
   simultaneously, yet
   alone and lonely

In training mode I
remembered you and us in
bed and I shivered.

The smell of your skin
is too familiar
It’s almost like we’ve
gone back in time
   To the days when I could
   caress my favorite features
   of yours—your hands—
   without a second thought
but I’m wondering if
this is too much, if I’m
crossing a line, or
if I’m zig-zagging streams
on the bar graph of time
and a calamitous end
will meet all entangled

Your strengthening grip
on my hip assures me though,
that nothing outside of this
firm mattress covered by
sky blue sheets with bleach stained clouds
matters—at all—so let’s lay here
for ten hours straight
and bask in the warmth
of each other’s glowing souls,
reconnected at last,
   with old questions drowning
  in the abyss of the unknown
because why would I ruin a
moment so perfect as this?

Stranded in my dreams,
with fear strangling me, and
love falling to death.