the language of my heart
reduces to symbols
unspeakable
kanjis whose colors are bright
precisely painted
with brushes, imbued with
unknown meanings
as read by blinded eyes
obscured deliberately, without
a key

without
God
a cipher is my heart
a living kanji whose meaning is
undiscoverable
without the cleansing
blood sacrifice of the sang real
a living grail
made unspeakable and holy by
Love


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

your soul is a
citadel of the forgotten
a treasury of needs
and wants
a secret of which you have no reck
anymore

shall I find it
for you?
shall I open it
using the key in my heart?

or the lost one in yours?


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

This is the end time of a life
unfulfilled
a hurricane of possibilities
unexplored
storming through a life
untended
intended for Love    yet
somehow skipped
unrequited
except by Godlove
Kyrie eleison

Lord, Have Mercy


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

I sing to the trees
a lamentation
for the loss of you

I sing to the trees
as I look up at them
they look down at me
my lamentation
is heard

the shatters of my heart
collect like autumn leaves
under my throat
ready to be sung out
clothed in notes
of gossamer and gold

I sing to the trees
a greeting, a sorrow
for the loss of you

and the shards of my heart


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

she have skinny leg
an’ knockin’ knees
she be cray-cray an’ loud
she defen’ her right to be
she drownin’ in chems ‘n’ high as a kite
she walk ever’where when she floatin’
she so ol’ she temptin’ fate
how she ain’ died is a mir’cle
Gawd mus’ reely love dat womun
‘zall I kin figger


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

it’s like,
I ride songs into sweet
remembers
of my daddy
of my friends
of my sister, and my twin

I float in a star-strewn nebula,
a compostella, each star
a different scene and cast,
each a member of my asterism of
memories
each and all beloved
clear as the ringing of a bell
flooding my eyes with tears
of sorrow and joy and laughter

I ride music like
a flying carpet lifts on the magical,
gently carrying my heart
into the beauty and sorrow and laughter
of Love lost and
Love found


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

blue-skinned and
divine,
the god moved in play -
maya

then created on two continents
two peoples
of a particular blue -
maya

related
but not

maya blue
brought
them together in spirit
in a blue
that began as maya -
play -

but ended in blue agony
and blue abandonment
as maya became
the Maya

who then disappeared
into the blue


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

where the dark night of the soul
                                                        ("ha­lf-seen on the edge of air")
                  meets
the dark soul of the night   which
                                                        ("f­rom the throat of cosmic vortices")
                  stands in
the charred ashes of surrender
                                                      (­"like a jack-lighted deer")
                   greeting.



c. Roberta Compton Rainwater 2014

1.
drawn from the Horeb stone by
Moses when he struck it
to satisfy the thirsting people
water gushed forth and
Moses sealed his fate

quarrel and strife create death

the water of meribah created the
ultimate sacrifice to God
led Moses to the mount to die
only allowed to see the land promised to his tribe
never to cross the river
never to step foot on the land
or to know its freedom
its milk and honey
forty years of service set aside for one unruly act
a sorrow unbearable

yet, the blessing of his service remains


2.
the water of meribah was to be a baptism
marking the finish of wandering
a cleansing of a people wearied of the desert
a breaking of monotony
a blessing
a chance to begin again, pristine
a gift from God to His people


3.
cleanliness is Godliness
trimming your lamp wicks
is preparing for a new life
as a bride
as a groom
as a people chosen by God for Himself
water is Life
necessary to slaking thirst
both temporal and spiritual
water is holy
necessary to washing us of dirts and sins


4.
and the story of meribah teaches us still
listen carefully
be patient when you work
serve diligently
admit your mistake
accept consequences humbly
blame no one else
be grateful to The Eternal One
for your life as a chosen one
and for your death as a humble one


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

I have left the imprint
of my body

on your wild grasses
under your wild hedges

I have slept the sweet
sleep of an embering fire

in your arms
and known

your lips on mine
as a sweetness of the

dancing rain on leaves
your soulhands have

blended me together
like the scent of meadowflowers

sweetening the air
and I have been embraced and

enearthed
in the ground of your sweet being

been received by and have received
your sweet soul Love

you have made of me
a meuse

an imprint in wild grasses
under wild hedges

in your generous and generating
heart


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the awe / ness of her

enwhelms my heart

leaves me knowing what

I don’t know

creates some / ness in her awe

anoints with laughter

and hugs

what has not


c. Roberta Compton Rainwater 2017

the pleasing rhythm of
your life entrains my heart
gives it loft
to sail above myself   that
it may die and I become alive

this is nostos
gesture to Home
greater than

this is Illich’s dying from
Death
unconditioned
unconditional
conditioned by Love

your eurythmia sails me
over the seas of
my limits
and beyond the mountains of
my intents
a realization of the loft in my soulbones
reaching up as
Love reaches down

the two meet at the
phoenix star   a
supernova from our
supernova


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

myths say
the stars lactated from her *******
but I think
she wears a scarf of stars until nightfall
then
she pulls it from about her in voluptuous motion
and lets it fall
to puddle as it may
the stars in its net doubled on themselves
the way a chiffon scarf
looks, melted on the floor
or a river
turned back on itself

O Voluptuary!
make me the sky -
wind your cloth of stars about me now -
let me feel their antique heat on my back
let me feel their electric path
as they shoot across this human sky
let the hammock of your scarf cradle this solitary
in the nightness of your lights


c. Roberta Compton Rainwater 2014


**Nuith (noot): Egyptian goddess of the night sky

his appearance was ordinary
same amount of human parts
distributed as usual
he was not special, in that way

yet….there was SOMEthing about him…
something in his blue-sky eyes
his attractiveness
his cleanness
the allure of his voice

he oozed wisdom
protection
goofiness
smarts
laughter
quick responses
anger where merited
terrifying adeptness
horrifying experience
patience
spoke only Truth
loved to prank us
gave second-third-fourth chances
got angry when we died
acted out at our funerals
mourned our deaths forever
always said Yes
and, most importantly,
Loved
as God Loves
gave forgiveness
generosity of heart
Sacredness
to all, no matter what
no. matter. what.

Sun-crowned
he used himself up
in God’s Service
Spirit-crowned
he gave it all to his Heavenly Father


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the weight of seven
hummingbirds -- 21 grams --
is what leaves the body
after death

on that hummingbird breath
the soul leaves
a wispering whisper
of seven tiny, winged cavatinas

being sung back
and singing themselves
forward
into the chorus

to enter again
a melody -- in
the Eye Of God

shimmering
iridescent
wings beating
the rhythm of Love



c. 2018 Roberta Compton Rainwater

Old Neptune marks his boundaries today, leaves sargasso
and thin, bamboo-like reeds on the shore of Dauphin Island. He blows briskly, to urge his white steeds to the seashore.
The water is dark with disturbance, veined with foam like tatted lace. The scent of Neptune swallows the fast-moving air crossing
the island from Gulf to Bay sides. Oil rigs
haunt the horizon like boredom, breaking
the vista, reminding all who see them of human limit. Old Neptune accepts no limit, no boundary. We, who want fixity
as security, we watch as Neptune abuses boundaries, expands us
whether we want him to or not. There is no fixity; yet there is security. There is consolation in flow, in flowing with Great Neptune, rolling in his
tidal urgencies.


c. 2014/2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the urge to Be compels
realization of landscape
in a soul
landscape made of
faith
lines on a graph made
natural by Love
moving those lines into
infinite
          coherence
infinite
          expansion
in­finite
         depth
an art beyond the known
a Love beyond the known
captured within the
landscape of the wing
and the dancing flight
of the butterfly

how is faith, Faith?

Faith is Constancy
from egg to worm to flighted
being
no matter the changes
Constancy abides within each
remarking the moment when
coherence meets Coherence
when
movement meets Movement
and the egg expands
into the infinite
inevitability --- its
ineluctable moment of Love
when love meets Love
and Is

how is love, Love?

Love is Knowing
from egg to worm to flighted
Being
it is knowing which flow
contains me
which flow is mine to express
and which expression ---
each minute expression ---
has precedence in any moment
and thus I eat
I fulfill myself
until the leaf has been
finished and I am full of
the Knowing to stop ---
to allow the expansion of faith
the expansion of Love
into another coherence
another flow
another containment within
Love
expanded beyond my present
into Presence
into a Being unknown
by any but Love
as Love
each coherence
carried on the wing

the landscape of the butterfly
painted on its wing
by Love


c. 2018 Roberta Compton Rainwater

pale herons huddle
along a bank of grasses
like whitecaps, abandoned

November in the wetland


c. Roberta Compton Rainwater 2014

listen --
the sonance of this heart
is the canta of its soul
surd but for its Aum, its
Maker’s mark
for, not every sound comes
from without
nor does every Sound, sound
yet beats as a drum, felt
sonant yet surd
heard yet unheard
created yet uncreated
the paradox
of ticks, of tocks,
of the opening of a box


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

The nightness of you
terrifying in its power
to shred
to bite and crack
to maim
crawls over me
sniffs my fragrance
purrs into my ears
my heart
threatens my neck
wrestles me prone
Requires me
I surrender
my love, my Love
while you maul
chew
and lick my submission
my annihilation
out of me
The fawn that was my heart
lies bloodied
in pieces
wanting more
Of you

copyright 2017 by Roberta Compton Rainwater

the soul sometimes gets
drifted into a soulbank
gets piled on top
of other drifted souls
awaiting the next
dance with
what they love
to be embraced by the
universe and
waltzed or
tangoed or
salsa’d
into Love

patience is faith and
faith is trust in
the drift


c. 2107 Roberta Compton Rainwater

it was excruciating to watch
the boiling in oil
listening, though never a sound was made
nor a struggle against

excruciating
to see a skinless man crawling over stones
silent as a sleeping lamb
blind yet fully bright

excruciating
to watch as he signed
asking for writing materials
then, on his stomach, begin to write

as though he still has fingers
as though he still has eyes

his story is a vision
written with spirit fingers
and eyes
listening to the Inner Voice

the only sounds
the scratching of a stylus across papyrus
and the sighing of Breath
as he listens


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

perhaps you will
survive this cluster chaos
to create the lived life
you desire

perhaps

perhaps there is a
fine-toothed comb
to clear the nits from your
filaments,
nits placed there by ignorance
and nurtured with stupidity

perhaps

or

perhaps you will
discover your heart
instead -
plow it up from under
the brain’s deceit -
to reap the Love
you know you are

and always have been


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

I fell in love with you
at first sight
not in my head,
from the lure of
****** attraction
no, it was simple
and from my heart
it wasn’t deposited there
it appeared --
simple
naked and
whole

it was the sidelong look
you gave me as
we said goodbye
it was the bright smile
with that look
then
there it was -- simple,
naked, and whole
the Pharos light
my wandering soul was seeking
undeniable
ineluctable
remembered


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

plucked strings play dooms of love
as my Father moves over them
agonizing
guitar strings into torture
victorious   heated   triumphant
****** sacrifice
crucifixion by melody
made holy despite unimaginable selfishness
wiring His Wounds into connective tissues
through tsunamic surgery
opening ways covered in blood
but we choose to live in our dooms
our pink dooms of disbelief
rose colored glassy, glistering lies
and glossic dooms of disbeliefs

“I am become comfortably numb”


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

she took deep breath of him through her eyes
he snaked through her brain down her neck straight to her heart
there he stopped to drink from that sacred bowl,
then coiled and wiggled his way to her ***.
she felt a surge as her organs shook
her breath came in bursts.
her mind snapped from her inhibition like a flag
in a stiff wind.
she knew his scent without going near him
it was fern-laced and green, and she wanted
to put her nose to him and inhale to the bottom of her lungs.
she felt his ****** mistral blow through her, warming her limbs
he was water-wind-breath, po-wa-ha.
she felt her old skin peel away in the force of his mistral,
in the clean wash of his waterlight,
and the caress of his breathing on the air around them.
she stepped out of her old pelt to reveal
the woman she had always been.


c. 1995/2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

I’m listening to gentle praising
the wind praises the trees
as it soughs through the leaves
the leaves tremble at the touch

birds praise the gusting air
as it carries their songs across
the nimble land to my ear
a trilling of joys and feathers

my heart joins in, making the trio
a quartet of flute, timbrel, song, and heartstrings
melodiously transporting all who listen
to join the angel choir in windy praise songs

to Life


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

I want Neptune
to come out
of the Gulf
reining
pale
untame
charioted waves
I want his imprint
on the brined wash
and
I want to ask him questions.
Do mermaids dance?
(for example)
Are hippocamps?
(for another)
Are starfish fallen celestials, antic?
Is drowning frantic?

I want the vasty deep to erupt
into answers, synaptic explosions
connections
connecting
to
me
I seek myself in saltwater
Creation's alphabet soup
to swallow me
to disconnect the disconnection of me.

Come Neptune. Come from my primal self
into my Self and connect me to me
and me to you and us to them.
Push your wild beasts from the sea
and come into me.


c. Roberta Compton Rainwater 2014

I am the oasis I seek,
because Source is there
to quench my thirst and shade my brow.
I rest my weariness in Its bowering Love.
I renew myself in Its gentle breath.
The way before me no longer leads me into mental aridity, but
into soulful moistness and earthy imagination.
I and my Source are soulmates and lovers.

c. 2014
Roberta Compton Rainwater

there burns midst a
soul
within the breadth of
holiness

a starry fire
to
birth itself
of living Light

and enflame the
mystery
of holiness
hidden within the heart-rose

which
like the water lily
rises from depth
unknowable

from heated unknowable
depth
from infinite unknowable
holiness
from burning intimate
creation

amidst us


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

my brain puddles as though stopped
soaks in its damp, rising steadily
as though going to some heavenly place
where it’s safe from evaporating
a constancy in reverse

brain storm
fake lightning strikes and thunderings
believes its puddles are wet and deep
believes its windy sky with skudding clouds
believes the wind is stronger than it is
believes it can blow it away
and gust it clean
rainish

the heart knows the truth
Love is stronger and steadier than truth
Love defeats truth
Love defeats evil
Love washes us pristine and pure
knows that rainish is mirage
uncreated
uncreative
uninspired and dis-spirited
knows that

only God is Love


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

sitting in a space surrounded
by rain, I become rainish
I puddle up with distopia
gather rainish-soaked bitter memories
into my heart as though they’re precious
and necessary
my brain acting as rainish gauge
tracking un-data for the un-stats
for making claims like presidential
candidates

the heart knows Truth, knows Love
and never falters nor complains
the heart rests in comfort
like a baby rests in cradling arms
ignores rainish thoughts
and bittered memories
surrounds me with treasured ones
instead
gently leading me back to center

hearting me back to God


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

herbs new mown send green scent to me
an undertone of pepper - non-explosive -
marks this spot especially

a creole mixture to spice the morning walk

were I the chef of this walk
blandness would prevail
for blanding is safe
and requires no inspiration

I am learning recklessness and wantonness
it is in my eyes, should you peer into them
it is in my heart, should you sound it
it is in my being now and you can smell it on me
like the peppery scent in that spot there

I am become a creole recipe
delicious and warm
fulfilling and comfort to the traveler
in this landscape


Roberta Compton Rainwater
c. 2009/2014

long I dangled from
the rope of fear I wrought
I never looked down
I never looked down
until that day in the park
that day walking the dog
turning the day's events
over in my heart
cooking them over my heart's fire
for their nourishment

some small spark from the cooking fire
some small spark of courage
lent me by that fire
and encouraged by the wind
soughing through the trees
and the song of the cicadas
rattling and scratching the wind
some small spark of courage
let me look down at last
to see my feet but three inches
above
the Ground of My Being
above
the Ground of My Being
above
the Ground of My Being

there, near the cooking fire,
lay a knife
a knife to cut that rope
that rope of fear I'd wrought
and dangled with so long
and when I was done
I felt that Ground for the first time
the first time
the first time
in this existence


Roberta Compton Rainwater
c. 2009/2014

ride the pain to
the center of your heart
where Wisdom lives
where Loves our Savior
ride the pain
into your soul’s core
where Wisdom grows
and sings the hymn
of your life eternal
ride the pain
to your hymn of Life
and let your heart and soul
float in God’s precious blood
so freely given
Ask and you shall be given
Seek and you shall be found
ride the pain
as Sacrifice for errors
carried by your heart
in humble surrender


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

a road outside the house
rowed itself over the rough
unstable sward
to the end of Time
there to guide all
as though needed
more than Light


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

I have been too long in the world.

I am frayed at my edges
chipped
cracked and broken in places

I have been too long in the world.

Have listened too long to the
THOU SHALT NOTs
the
I WANT IT ALL MY WAYs
the
IT'S MY RIGHTs
and I have let them dry the lake of my soul
with their drains and siphons

I have been too long in the world.

I shall use the golden joinery
of the Japanese art
to honor my frayed edges
weave a golden, or silver, or platinum
thread through them
fill my cracks and broken places with lacquered metals

I have been too long in the world.

other edges, smashed to smithereens,
will be left as they lay
jutted, stiff
while the softened, smashed powder from them
I'll keep in a medicine bag
and mix it, as needed, with my blood
stirred into a salve, a queen of healing

I have been too long in the world.

my thousand-times-broken heart
repaired and repaired and repaired
and re-paired
I will wrap like the gift it is
with the gold of Love
while laughter falls from it
salve regina


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

my cuneiform heart
marks me indecipherable
to all but you

I am the superheroine
in Hawthorne’s tale
a transcendent A
marks my heart
pure and Angelic

my Ogham soul leaves messages
readable by none
but you

I am the Wonder Woman
safely hidden
a transcendent A
marks my soul
pure and Amazonian

my hieroglyphic being speaks
to none
but you

I am the kindness
the strength
the protection
a transcendent A
marks my being
pure and Awakened


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

those Pinteresque voices enjoy dictation
enjoy giving orders full of menace
like to see me writing their words
into books placed neatly on shelves in a bookcase
as though their sentences full of
what-ifs and that-suckses and you're-guiltys
are precious gems of wisdom
composed by Verdi's drunken librettist
for an opera maleficent, full of sound and fury

I made a secret door of the bookcase

laughing, I swung away the words
and entered the world where no menace inspires


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater

I am too soft, lumpish
of myself alone -
single -
Unpartnered, softness droops
it sags
it melts
without hardness rubbing it smooth.


I.
I need your carpentry -
the plane of your hard muscles,
the hammer of your broad hands,
the sandpaper of your chin
on my skin
to smooth me straight
to sharpen my angles
to repair my dents
to build me into my true shape.

II.
Take my lumpish metal into your forge
heat me until I burn through
mold my metal
into my true shape
Then plunge me into
your cooling waters
to steam me strong, unlumped
flowed, beauteous


Take my softness into the chalice of your Being
mix it with your hardness,
your directness,
in perfect measure.
Put me into the mold of your heart
and, with your love,
make an art of me.


c. Roberta Compton Rainwater 2015

we have it backwards:
fear of others
when
we are likelier to hurt others first
therefore
be skurred of ourselves
rather than others

then watch how
God enters our lives
on the quietus
gentle
forgiving
watchful
protective

and being skurred
turns to courage and

caring for others
first
last
always


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

how exquisite is my sky today!
rosey and white cloud-banked around
her smile
her ever-present smile
sun-brightened
twittering
moon-brightened
humming
how lovely is my sky today!
bears love her
buffaloes move under her
winds scrub her cerulean eyes clean
storms race past her
pushing beyond her domed curve
to the sea
cloud-ridden, she lets them win
how precious is my sky today!
a treasure at the end of the rainbow
a ray of hope for all
is my sky today!


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

she looks at the camera
her eyes full of sadness
and gives her best smile
trying for gladness

her heart shattered long ago
and it set off alarms
for a child pulled away
from her daddy’s loving arms

don’t cry daddy
daddy don’t cry
we’ll see each other
in the sweet bye-n-bye

in the sweet bye-n-bye
truth never dies
and angels caress you and bless you
and sweep off the lies

don’t cry daddy
daddy don’t cry
it will be so much better
in the sweet bye-n-bye


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

cloud sandbars resting above scudding
cloud-puffs racing northward
anchor the skypath as
guideposts to their next assignment

layered winds move cloudish air
from there to there
as crows caw and dogs bark
while dry leaf-fall skitters on concrete
to seed the moving air with praise song

the clouds steady march along the skypath
as though intent with purpose
listening to the songwinds
taking no credit themselves
giving it all to God


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

cradled in this heart
another heart bound in caverned Love
beats a rhythm on a seashore
so far distant that it left footprints
as guides

fallowed in this heart
another heart encompassed in shallowed love
boats its rower on confused melody
like a splooted animal
decides

to rest

a heart unites the divides
spools slowly slowly
its Love from a wheel
winds thready gossamers together on a distaff
knits the splooted with unsplooted
a generosity unanswered by the blind
and unlooked for by the unblind

how, then, is Love chimed?
how harmonized? how composed?
how, then, is Love sung?
spool it out deep into the Universe
to be unsung
as it is plucked on the Harp of Creation


c. 2024 Roberta Compton Rainwater

blue fire surrounds you
tints you sacred
extends itself in waves
to all who meet you
saves
them from their ignorance
and the a-theism of their minds
saves
them from their dis-ease of the heart
begins to bond them to themselves
and baptizes them in the Blood

this is no strange fire
it is the fire of the burning bush
the fire that leads by night
and is smoke by day
ever present in the wilderness
of exodus:
the blue fire of Love


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

strike the belled brain
no resonance -
melted life out of Life
then keeps the lifeless
inactive -

testing faith

caress the tingling soul
exciting neurons -
flowed love into Love
then renders it into joy
dancing -

with faith

punch the reckless body
bringing forth blood
mingling hurt with fear
black then blue
running -

without hope

paddle the floating canoe
breaking the water’s surface
rippling it into waves
streaming a wake
gently -

moving in faith and hope

toward


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

black Americans stroll
past my car
on this warm November day
pursuing who-knows-what
as I wait for
who-knows-what to
complete

I’ve forgotten how it feels
to be a child out of
school
these strollers remind me
of those freer times
but
I’m old now and
sensing the end of my long life
not morbid:
practical

and despite that thought
I’m joyous
waiting for
who-knows-what
to complete

because life is more
than thought
and
way beyond death


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

the man in the yard rakes leaves
splashes them into a pile
flourishes his rake over and over
swashbuckling like a Hollywood pirate
in a choreographed action scene
as though he’s dancing,
his diligence giving him grace
his movements clear the grass of the litter
changing brown to green
he begins on another area, raking motions
like gentle waves on a beach
forward, backward, side-to-side
repeating them again and again
revealing more green
swashing the yard with his rake-sword
a ballroom dancer with no audience but me
in standing ovation


c. 2023 Roberta Compton Rainwater

moan  sordid  fiddle
drool music like blood
like
a lather  rusted  onto beauty
lick   scream   boil   smear
        whisper    iron  harshly


c. Roberta Compton Rainwater 2014