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Dec 2015 · 461
"Personifying the enemy"
Rivers Kay Dec 2015
Step by step, breathe by breathe
It's all okay not a thing in sight
me, my thoughts, and my longing
"what hey say does not matter"
That's what people tell  me.
Days. they go on. As do I.
Keep down the urge. I will not cry.
The perfect girl with a great big smile.
Skinny waist. Long hair. Ones to love.
How is it fair?
The words pierce my ears like a raging sweet song.
i am not what you say, I promise.
I am good.
Climbing the ladders, scaling the walls.
Drinking the poison...
i see him...
He screams the words known so well.
hits hard like a........
To late I'm gone.
Dec 2015 · 365
lost out the window
Rivers Kay Dec 2015
Longing for the escape
Lost in the dreams

Missing the adventures in your eyes
I shall become a mystery

The long rides
the great new people

jazzing streets and sweet loving rivers.
but where will i go?

I'll be there waiting to be found so unwillingly.
Where is there exactly.

That my love is for you and I to find out.
Dec 2015 · 775
Seperation of the skin
Rivers Kay Dec 2015
They, where just two kids. She was so new to the world he lived in and she waltzed in like she was looking to win a prize. MAYBE just maybe, she did.

No one knew nothing of her. Naomi, Naomi Quinn was her name. She was by far the most beautiful disaster he had ever laid eyes on. Naomi didn’t ever have it all but she made the most what little she did have. At least she tried and sometimes she broke and when she broke her skin would separate with a close of the eyes and just one swipe. As simple as she seemed her story was not.
Mommy and daddy where known as just some people she used to know. Not around much to stop the tears and certainly not to see her pain. She relied on her best friend. Winnie was sweet and Winnie would never back down from stopping the hurt that Naomi had to deal with every day. The names, the hits, the pushes, the shoves. No one asked Naomi how her days where or how she felt. No one but Winnie. Winnie was cautious of every step anyone took towards Naomi simply because she knows how delicate she is.
A normal day was just Winnie and Naomi each school day and weekend until the kid with the big brown eyes showed up. He walked with a mind of certainty and he talked with a purpose. Brown hair and a great smile. Tall and handsome with a name that seems to make her want to melt. Spencer Ray was not the kind to fall for a girl like Naomi. Spencer was confident and loved by anyone and everyone.
On a normal day the girl went to school and the girls they went home, but this day was different. The skies where bright the air felt fresh and the day was good. Naomi freezes mid- sentence next to Winnie rendered speechless. He stands there speaking as she blinds but does not awaken. A dream, she must be dreaming but she’s not. Spencer speaks to her. Why her? “Dinner at 8?” spencer questions the look he receives from Naomi and with just a blink of an eye he—wait nope he’s still there. Spencer asks a new question “how does a walk on the beach sound?” With just a nod of her head it’s a date.
“What do I say? What do I wear? Why me? Is this a joke?” Naomi panics completely forgetting Winnie is still there she sits down and just sits and sits and sits.  Naomi sits until she figures out an outfit and she figures out what to say and she walks only after Seeing Winnie leaving in a car of a friend.
Racing home with a pounding heart she arrives only shortly before Spencer does too. In Jean shorts and a purple tank-top she hears the door and takes a breath. With a ragged old blue t-shirt and cargo shorts he hands her a flower and escorts her to the car.
The ocean breeze and the smell of his cologne with her hair down and hand in a pocket while the other dangles freely, he grabs it. Like the waves creeped up with not a noise made, her breathe is shortened. They stop and watch as the waved crash and the sun set as the sky turns darker for the night to sneak quickly. Not a word said all night then he speaks “Such a beautiful sight.” Naomi turns to see where he is looking as he is already staring into her eyes. “I have always loved the ocean its…” Naomi begins to say as spencer grabs her quickly and kisses her. On the third set past the white steps Spencer speaks the words “I wasn’t talking about the ocean” and he kisses her once more.
Weeks they pass and they begin to be in Love. Something Naomi would have never thought to know. Then something happens. The sweet loving kisses turn to loud hateful screams and the warming hugs turn to forceful shoves. Through this all Naomi stays not matter the many protests of Winnie. As this goes on Naomi becomes less strong and one day Naomi broke. Feeling like a failure she looks to spencer for comfort and all she seems to receive is question after question. “Why did you do it? How could you do that? Why are you like this?” With a response of a quiet sobbing “sorry” Naomi breaks once more.
Doing the one thing he swore not to do Spencer leaves for weeks. Naomi breaks and breaks and breaks. Weeks go bye and he calls. “I’m leaving you here with no return you are not my love I hope this won’t hurt.”
She thought she would make it. She was so strong but what’s there to do how should she move on? Bewildered destroyed once again by the one who held her together for so long. A best friend the one she loved and now what does this mean? Worthless? Replaced? Was she always JUST a friend?
The night it was cold and the skies had no stars the rain it poured down and she stood there looking at the ground. One two three four Just a couple more. Put them in swallow them all and right before the fall……..one last breathe…she jumps …
They never knew of her she was the background they all say but never questioned. Mommy and daddy where just some people she used to know. Her best friend she was the best that there was. The boy she once loved gets looked down on from above now with wondrous-hatred and tears in the eyes that loved like a fool.
Not until she was gone did they question her long sleeves and why she wore pants in the summer. They began to see all of her pain and all her troubles. They learned what they lost and it won’t be back tomorrow.
Falling, loving, sorrow and pain. Close of the eyes, pinch on the skin, just one swipe and that was the end.
“Separation of the skin”


Love you, Never Forget
Nov 2015 · 787
No more band-aids
Rivers Kay Nov 2015
Sometimes an apology isn't worth anything.

It's like shooting someone in the chest, putting a band-aid on it, and saying i'm sorry with a smile on you're face.

The damage is done and sadly... a band-aid will simply not do.
Nov 2015 · 453
The me you don't know
Rivers Kay Nov 2015
"You had no idea did you..."

"No I really didn't"

"I am not the girl you have come to know. I am so much more"

"...I'd like to meet her"
Rivers Kay Nov 2015
He didn't make the basketball cuts and that seems to be more important than the cuts i have on my arms and legs...

I say one thing and get yelled at for "making it about me"...

"I'm talking to your brother about HIS ****** day"

But you never seemed to care about all the ****** days i had.

The first thing you asked him was is he okay and did he need to talk about it at all.

All they asked me was how stupid could a single one person be...
Nov 2015 · 433
Last love song
Rivers Kay Nov 2015
Pas plus de clôtures blanches
aucun voiles de dentelle de MRE ou vœux
pas plus que vous les seuls des thats un de causer toutes Dont avec maintenant

Ceci est la dernière chanson d'amour que je vais jamais écris pour vous.
Ceci est la dernière chanson d'amour que je vais jamais écris pour vous.
******************­********

No  more white picket fences
No more lace veils or vows
No more you the only one cause that's all done with now

This is the last love song i'll ever write for you.
This is the last love song i'll ever write for you.
Oct 2015 · 643
Pain
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
Pain.

So many different ways to scale it.

This, this is like a shot in the heart.

Not an instant **** but just long enough to watch the smile creep across their faces.
Oct 2015 · 259
My last goodbye is tonight
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
9:24..........................................


Standing on the roof... this is my last goodbye.


i'm jumping......................................


Maybe I'll fly.
Stay creative my loves.
Oct 2015 · 328
What you don't know
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
I'm the girl you see everywhere doing everything.
I'm the one when people see they say "I wanna be like her"
I'm the cheerleader everyone sees as only that.

What they don't see is what i go threw.
While they are busy admiring me, others are busy destroying me.
"fat *****. Your worthless you should die."
And i listen.

All people see is the person i let them see.
That person is not me.
...not in reality...
Oct 2015 · 223
My apology
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
Sorry...
That's all i have to say.
sorry..
Oct 2015 · 484
Simply Not Fair
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
All my  life has been me making them all smile...
But when it's my turn for a smile, they find a better reason than me to need it.
That's okay though.
I'm always the okay one.
Oct 2015 · 201
Lies
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
I deserve it.
I  get it.
All i know s being lied to.
I don't know what it is about me.
I guess i'm simply not worth the truth anymore.
Oct 2015 · 250
Just a slip
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
You have gone so long hiding it from them all.

Then it's all over by just a slip of the sleeve.

Secrets out... scars, cuts, and bruises.

So many questions being asked all at once.

First it's your best friend then your family.

One cries and asks you why.
The other yells and says goodbye...

I am a disgrace they tell me the ****-up in the family.

Weak and worthless.
Stupid and selfish.

And they wonder why..............................


Why i want to die
Oct 2015 · 265
I'm A Dreamer
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
I have dreams................

It's just the nightmares that get me somewhere....
Oct 2015 · 184
Look...
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
They would never see...
If i didn't show them...
Oct 2015 · 238
Tears They Caused
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
They all saw it...
No one knew the severity of it all though.
I broke.
My last string.
My last hope.
As far as i have climbed I am now falling a great distance.
So close to the top fighting so long threw the cuts on my hands and tears in my eyes I slipped on it all.
It all hit me at once again and again.
They watched me cry the tears i have hid so well for so long.
The tears they caused.
I broke.
My last string.
All my hope.

                                They all watched it...
Oct 2015 · 326
My name
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
My name is Rivers Kay Petitt...
You don't know me and I don't know you .
I have been threw a lot and barely make it each time.
70-80 little marks all over me
some deeper than others.
If you take your time to know me you'll learn that I'm strong.
Just  not as strong as i seem.
I break... I  cry...I bleed...
7 attempts but i pull threw sadly enough...
I'm a mess and i worry everyone will leave.
I don't mean it but i hurt others and feel  deserve the pain i inflict on myself...
You don't know me...
My name is Rivers Kay Petitt...
Oct 2015 · 244
Nothing...
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
"Nothing..."
One word but a thousand meanings...

-Please help-
-so much has gone wrong-
-Let me die-
-You don't really care-
-I don't want to bother you-
-I ****** up-
...
Tonight is my last.
Please never give up like i have.I love everyone of you...

Goodbye my love.
Oct 2015 · 260
Now you got me
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
Unaware of my return i hear him laughing with his family
giggling with the two year old
so clueless that i'm here
I listen for a minute knowing how this goes
All i do is think and now I'm in love
I think of what we could be.
What we will be
I think of his laughter and how our family will look like him in every way
I think...
And think...
And think............................................................­.......................
...Now I'm in love...
Oct 2015 · 384
Not the dreamy kind.
Rivers Kay Oct 2015
It's okay if i'm not the girl of your dreams.
I don't even have to be the one you think of at night.


I wanna be the girl that you think of when your sitting at your kitchen table staring at the cup of coffee you put to much milk in you think of  my dark brown eyes that once gave you hope and light.
The one you wish you didn't let go of.
The one you need ten years from now.
Sep 2015 · 301
Worth
Rivers Kay Sep 2015
I see my reflection...
I don't like what i see...
I look at where i am...
I don't like my position...
I'm a mess.
I'm worthless.
I'm fat.
I'm ugly.

Deny theses things but you see I know my worth and i know my place in this world...
I know I'm not worth a dime...
I know I'm just a spec of life among the world of worth meaning nothing to anyone of them.
Jul 2015 · 875
one day
Rivers Kay Jul 2015
One day he'll be there
Maybe not tomorrow
Maybe not the next day
But one day
And when that day comes he'll never leave
He'll never second guess you
He'll always need you
And he'll stay
Not because he has to
But because he wants to
And that will happen one day
Jul 2015 · 280
Pain is the game
Rivers Kay Jul 2015
Scares up my arms

Cuts down my legs

Memories fill my mind

Pain competes my days...

I pushed you out
I moved on my way.

Thank you for causing me so much pain, because now I can go a day without wanting you. And I am completely okay... So I say
Rivers Kay Jun 2015
I'm not the kind to hold onto the bad in a person
You can wrong me 43 times
and 1 good overrules them in my book...

I'm told that this isn't always good
but i don't see the issue with it...

Until she showed up

I feel all the wrongs she puts on me
and i hold on tight

Only one day to blow

I'm not looking forward to this day but it sure as Hell won't be a boring moment...

You'r so beautiful
shes such a *****
I love you
I ******* hate her

stab me in the back
I come back 9 times stronger...

You can be nice but i  know how you are
and i know you sharpen you'r knife well...
Jun 2015 · 265
Magical Moments
Rivers Kay Jun 2015
He looked at me with those eyes
and i new i had to keep my self held high no matter what.

I don't believe you he says
you won...

walk rivers walk and he can't see you smile like an idiot

His jaw dropped
My heart stopped

He's mine and i proved that i'm willing to do it all...

even when he doesn't have the guts.

Kisses....
and perfection...
Oh what a great combination
Jun 2015 · 1.7k
waterfalls
Rivers Kay Jun 2015
Why would you stick to the rivers and the lakes that you'r used to...

When you could be chasing waterfalls?
Jun 2015 · 245
I'm confused
Rivers Kay Jun 2015
Confusion isn't fun...

but I sure as Hell still miss him
Jun 2015 · 379
Maybe i...
Rivers Kay Jun 2015
Maybe I'm not depressed
Maybe i had a bad day
Maybe i got hurt
Maybe i wasn't good enough for something
Maybe people shouldn't be so mean
Maybe i don't appreciate being lied to
Maybe i don't like lieing
Maybe people shouldn't judge others so deeply
Maybe i have a purpose
Maybe everything happens for a reason
Maybe i was meant to be hurt
Maybe i was meant to be played
Maybe i was meant to find him
Maybe i should have shut her out before
Maybe all these ******* problems don't mean ****
Maybe it's called life and,
Maybe people shouldn't watch my movie before reading my book
Maybe I'm just a person
Rivers Kay Jun 2015
One day I'll break
one day unexpected
but you won't ever think it's breaking me...
until i'm already shattered
May 2015 · 300
My promise to
Rivers Kay May 2015
I made a promise to keep him safe.

9 times worse just in case.

I kept my promise...
I know what it's  like to be lied to...
It hurts, and it's insane...

But i kept my promise.
and i will again and again
Rivers Kay May 2015
Maybe there was another choice and we just don't know what it is quite yet...
at this moment i don't know whats going to happen to him...
will he go through with it?...**** i hope not
is it my fault?.. yes, it is
He hurt me so i pushed him to his breaking point and i'm not even sure as to what i said... I  went straight to being straight savage on him before realized what i could be doing to him...
I am sorry sweety-pea i truly am.
Not only for if you go through with this, but for not being her...
For not being what you wanted me to be for you
I'm sorry i can't be  that perfect... but i'll try for so much perfection next time...
I promise!!!!!!!!
Rivers Kay May 2015
I know it's "stupid" to get upset over it but i don't see why it hurts so much either...
Maybe because he lied so well
Maybe it's because i believed him so much
Maybe because I fell so easily
Maybe it's because I'm not her
Maybe it's because he knew id be so relentless
Maybe I should have fought a little more
Maybe he should have told me the truth
Maybe i deserved it
Maybe i should change
Maybe I can bring back my old habits
Maybe just Maybe i can become so perfect he will really love me
May 2015 · 241
Do you wonder?
Rivers Kay May 2015
Do you ever wonder why there isn't a Disney movie  about the princess who was so convinced in love that she gave every ounce of her heart to her "prince" and he decided to leave anyways???????????


Well i did...but now i realize it can't be a fairy tale, if its already a reality.
Guess I was wrong again
May 2015 · 345
11-7-5-12
Rivers Kay May 2015
Yeah, these look random...
but theses dates mean a lot
not one month or year or  week but a certain day of any month any week or any year...
11--- She was the first
7----She was the main
5---He is the on
12---This one is me
i have combined these numbers very carefully
11&7 see they don't get along so  well... so at least they can stand one another in this  way...
7&5 weeeeellllll they have some problems... it's a  long story i won't put you through...
5&12 well that's me and my love, we aren't so separable...Yes we have issues and we get a little angry or jealous but in the end it all works stupendously for us both... I love each and every one of theses people and i will never let them go...  
Angel, Brooke, and Jailon if you happen to see this i love you and hope we are all together forever and a day.
Apr 2015 · 197
?
Rivers Kay Apr 2015
?
Not an option





But a choice
Apr 2015 · 392
Back the Hell up
Rivers Kay Apr 2015
Fat
Ugly
Worthless
Dumb

Your not good enough for him
You'll be killed for him

*****
aggravating
annoying

It's not that easy
You'll have to take him from my dead hands

Yeah i'm indecisive
Yeah I'm complicated

but I deserve to smile too
I'v gone through a lot to be where I am

So please please leave me be...

I just want to be happy!!    
!!
U
Feb 2015 · 348
reality???????????????
Rivers Kay Feb 2015
The world so lovely,
snow so white,
bed so warm,
seems like a great night,

I won't say it isn't but I won't say it is,
I''m not sure why exactly,
but with all this wonderful i feel a bit less

The world herself has found a way to make even the worst of her a wonder,

why can't I be like the world?

because i'm not a wonder to be,
and that's just how it goes in reality
Feb 2015 · 344
1...2...3...
Rivers Kay Feb 2015
1...
2...
3...
Just you and me
4...
5...
6...
this makes me sick
7...
8...
9...
you waisted my time
10...
11...
12...
GO TO ******* HELL
Feb 2015 · 342
I'm drOwning
Rivers Kay Feb 2015
Now this isn't quite a poem but it keeps me up at night just the same.

hes my best friend only in a way. I'm not sure if he thinks of, or even see's me but hes in my dream.
i'm under water with a sheet of what appears to be glass over me. As i'm screaming and crying and all but breathing I see him on the other side, trying to get to me. no use as it seems i'm not going to make it. As i look down for a solution i see him. He's the reason for this pain the reason i have trouble smiling like i used to or even speaking. He holds me back and i struggle... struggle...struggle... please please please please help me. Break the glass let me breath, its all your fault. Why cant you just leave me? Although the apairent death to  become he stays to try to help me but part of me is still  taken away with the other one and i can't take it anymore.  don't still love him it can't be, he destroyed me killed me. I'v found someone who will keep me for me so please stop this nonsense and just go away because, you are the reason i'm scared to go to sleep at night because i know you'll  there.
Feb 2015 · 324
differences
Rivers Kay Feb 2015
The difference between promises and memories

we break promises

memories break us
Feb 2015 · 326
they dont know
Rivers Kay Feb 2015
they call me crazy
they say i'm sane
they called me sweet
but now i'm mean
they said i was a lier
but they don't see the pain

I have some secrets
my best friend doesn't know
i wont let you see
who i was back then
just know i'm me now
Feb 2015 · 407
ill be there
Rivers Kay Feb 2015
He has a name that helps you sleep
his hand so comfortable in yours
his smile "made" you laugh

he said he loved you to death
we both know the truth
he lied to your face

you ran for help
only to find me
i'm always there for you
ill never be unavalible for you when u need help

true friends stay
real men love

and ****** bags play
I'm always here Angela and don't forget the real friends
Feb 2015 · 285
You make me think
Rivers Kay Feb 2015
As I lay here
Restless and thinking
I think about school,homework, and my family


But every once in a while
I can't help it


I go back to when you loved me
Or said you did at least
And I wonder


Wonder what we could be
What we could do
I wonder why you did this to me


Was it a goal?
A hope?
A dream?


You say it wasn't me
But I know that's not true


You lost interest
You loved another girl
I was a distraction
I was in the way


So you fixed that
And sometimes while I lay thinking,
I can't help but to think what we could be


Now this is me Signing off with. Goodbye and sweet dreams
Jan 2015 · 426
What a waist
Rivers Kay Jan 2015
I wasted my love
I wasted my kisses
You told me you wanted relentless

That's no longer an option
Ill tell you a secret
Yes you hurt me
But I'm not sad

You won't change
I'm not yours
You caused me pain but, NO MORE
I'm not for you
So leave me be
You won't see me cry

You lied
and pushed me aside  
So goodbye to the boy
I once loved with pride.
Jan 2015 · 288
He's no good
Rivers Kay Jan 2015
You think he's what makes the sun shine, but darling
He's not
He's what makes your eyes tear
And your cuts bleed.
He's the thoughts in your head that ripped you apart
And,my God
I know you love him
But he's killing you
Jan 2015 · 266
Don't believe me
Rivers Kay Jan 2015
We say we're okay
That's what we just say
So don't believe me when I say
Those 4 letters because I'm lieing

I'm not fine
I probably don't eat
I cry every night
It's probably not my fault

I'm sure you won't mind it when I'm gone,
But you'll know it's not right
When I'm not there for you to torture

I'll miss this life
Time will go ...
On...
And on...
So fairwell my friends
I'm sorry for this but I'm already gone
I'm just okay
Jan 2015 · 410
Society sucks
Rivers Kay Jan 2015
Your jeans are grey
Your shirt is black
Your hair is long
Blue intact

Your nails are dark
Your shoes are to
There is nothing about you that's not true,

So what does society do?
They turn away and don't come back for you.

— The End —