I'm not a liar.

I speak the truth,
But you can't see it.

Yes I've lied over the years,
But can't you see I've changed.

I may be stupid,
I may be dumb,
But I'm not a liar.

I uphold my promises.

I don't cover up with lies,
But you still cannot not see the truth.

The truth I speak everyday.

I'm not a liar.

You thought you were killing me,
You were wrong.

You thought you weren't good enough,
You were wrong.

You thought this would be better,
You were wrong.

"Why?"
You ask.

All   I   *ever   wanted   was   you   thats   **why.

Its too loud*,

Getting annoyed by the screams in my head.
Thoughts screaming at me.

I get a headache everyday because of it.
Nightmares keep me up at night.

Its too loud*.

Never really smiled.

Never really laughed.

Avoided contact with people for several years.

I enjoyed those days,
But you know what these days are even better.

Wanna know why?

Because Nothing Is Better Than You.

I don't get much sleep at night.
I got thoughts flowing through my head to much to sleep,

Scared of the nightmares that you might find someone else and throw me away,

Done falling through the sky and hitting rock bottom,

Happy that I can spend my days with you.

I start thinking about how other people think about me,
Start thinking how it would make them feel,
How they would respond to me gone,
To be alive today and dead the next.

I can't get much sleep.

Hallucinating about things during the day.
Scary things.
Can't stay awake to speak enough.
Bruised body parts, cuts from the unknown, blood stains on my shirt.

Then I awake.

All fake just a day dream.

These are the nightmares.
The nightmares that haunt me everyday.

I don't sleep much anymore.

If I fall asleep the dreams are to scary.
I find myself hurting people,
Good people.

And this might not seem scary to others,
It is to me.
I've hurt a lot of people.
Did stupid things.
Never thought about how it eould harm others.

These nightmares haunt me everynight and day.

I don't get much sleep.

Thoughts come to mind and they are all ugly.

I don't want to be awake anymore I just want to sleep forever in a happy place.

Dreams change.

And my dream

only needs her

to make it perfect.