She no longer has to wonder
How it feels to lose the stranger
Who always stares back
In her mirror

she was born a half formed thing
holes in her soul
not enough effort left over
to raise her better
in her gasping wet breaths
she tried to be smaller
but only swallowed more
becoming lovers with her failure
missing the eyes and ears to know
she reached for an absent future
only learning later
she was made in the perfect shape
of their shame

her words make her feel like an imposter
the past makes her feel like a spectator
when he asks her how the family is doing
she wonders if she looks pretty enough
if it will ever be able to cover it all up
he doesn't bother to ask any further
and she gets her answer

you think it's cruel
how quickly I forgot
about you
and when I remember
to think of it
I think so too
if no one stays
it's a lifetime of
Object Impermanence
baked in by nature
but nurtured by others
including you

the shape of it shifts as we hold on to it, like water
it  f
        a
              l
                 l
                    s
                          throu­gh our f i n g e r s
while we blink it's shine from our eyes.

Tonight,
I've been made like poison;
Carefully measured,
Sweet and sour flavored.

You           (stutter
                   like there's something more to say)
And

I                (move
                   like there's somewhere else to go)

when did all this time
become about passing mine
turns out
5 years and 3 months
isn't all that much

When every outfit change
And new man's body
Never made the feelings go away
She did it anyway
And you never understood
Why her dreams were so small
But the big ones never came
And the world ate every daisy chain
A little girl once made

I've done enough burning bridges
And being burned
And in all these stories
I've never found a heros glory
Or a dragon to slay
Only a bunch of words
That couldn't make the endings change.

Getting older is getting lonelier
As people fall away and fewer stay
There are too many wrongs
For there to be a right
And even when it will all be okay
When it stops and I look around
The scenery will have changed.

the sharp sting of always
settled into routine
the inevitable of morning
each inhale brings
we're living an american dream
five days a week

the arms of a
grief weighted blanket
held her to sleep
every new night after.

painted
by my own hand
I wore my heart
and its resentments
on my mind
for all to see,
daring him
to look away.

Happiness tucks itself inside her smile
Distrust slides its scales between her fingers

Beware to those who would love her
For you never know what else follows

My thoughts tripped
into a current
aspiring to drown
themselves
across miles of binary
and lit up screens

loved at
minimum wage
left living
kiss to kiss
never enough
to save up

she burned the cauliflower again
it was for his favorite dish
and the fire alarm wouldn't stop
even after opening all the vents
a great metaphor she thought
for his disappointment
while she tried to decide
what went best with a limp fish
"whiskey or gin?"

I do not wish
to live forever
dancing among
these graves
not yet made
ghost watching

I rode euphoria
that was not my own
and
somewhere along the way
I think I
dropped my soul

soul eater,
you make me wonder
what is the shelf-life
of good intentions?

Keep heart
And use
Explosives
As pillows for
Your heads
While we watch
From the softness
Of our beds

a paper blue square
took me miles high
to touch the sky
a cosmic make out
melted on my tongue

we all fall prey
to the monsters we create

hold my hand
so your thumb
can tap that beat
on my wrist
the one my heart
decided to keep

If we could've known
what we would become
I would have told you still,
out of breath
and full on in love,
that you were gonna be
my favorite home forever.
All of the lovely, broke,
young and dumb, sweet,
smirking son of a gun.

he didn't tell you
to put that ring on
but he might as well have
when the invoice was done

kept a smile
through that
tornado
of impatient
anger
and said
"please,
come again"
you wild
bag of wind

its a violent thing
love being blown apart
to only later
be remembered
like an overly friendly
stranger

she thought he grasped
every atom inside of her
so gently
that surely she would break


                 p                               r
                                  
     a                                     
                                   a
                                                                           t

but he kept her all together

one day,
if you think
to find me
i will not be

on the seventh day
the butterfly wing pages
covered in holy script
would wrap around
an insidious tongues sermon
pressing her heart to confess
to dark watchful eyes
its ungodly shape

fingernail made moons
bled her supplication
colored the pale, deaf air
with a desperate repentance
too garish and late
for them to ever deem her
worthy of being saved

along her raw fragile skin
temptations filth still crawled
sin too scarlet to be washed
to pay forgiveness' price
her body was to be tithed
the crimson covered over after
by her favorite wool white
Sunday Best dress

Men
Made me promises
When I was young
And new
They didn't keep
Because they had known
No one would blame 'em
When I felt old
And used

we are the south pole
of different magnets
that will never come
t   o   g   e    t    h   e   r
now go attract a north

so that when you are lost, I can get lost with you too.

These Titans that walk among us;
When they bow to kiss our cheeks
They crush us with their knees.

My body likes
to be the thing
you fidget with.

So, feel free
to come and
hyperfocus
with me.

one time I tried to be optimistic,
but,
well, let's just say it didn't turn out real great.

.      when she reached
       her fingers brushed blue
       she went to reground but
       her feet had forgotten how

Men would break, bind,
and burn her some day,
of this she had no doubt.
But she let them crave it first,
until a reason had been found.
And when it was finally over and done?
The curse she gave was a hunger,
one that could never be overcome.

Marie was always placed in the middle
until suddenly ushered to be in front.
And when often mistaken for others
rather lonely, being a first, would it become;
but in the end ultimately determined
it was an affront not meant to be unjust.
Maybe it was a clever thing that was received,
a gift to make people always fondly think of another,
from givers that never felt a need to think of it any further.

You captured All and then it faded,
grayed by a sunburnt haze
before being stored away.
In the boxes under the bed,
        (fingered buttons, clever lips;
          Kiss- click-shutter-snap.)
filtered finely by dust
and conveniently labeled,
        (quiet snores, little hands;
          Grasp- click-shutter-snap.)
All that was forgotten, found,
and once again shifted around.
        (tall grass, wild spins;
          Laugh- click-shutter-snap.)
.

He thought of her laugh
in the wet winters,
remembering what it felt like
to live in the warm summer.

Wide awake champagne bubble eyes;
Kissing time already gone goodbye.

Gilded in gold
but binding all the same,
A contract made with rings
and fine print no one reads.
Local government has to agree
how to dissolve the terms
of all those promised dreams,
reduced now to only physical things.

It is hereby ordered and adjudged:
No longer love.

Kiss me in the east
So I can set in the west
To wish sweet dreams
For your eyes every night

he cursed her
without words
his fists
a blaspheme
against his girl

It is inevitable
to feel so small
on a front porch;
black and bright
sky stretched wide.