I am writing yet another poem
in my attempt to,
not lure,
but to request for your loving attention.
When I woke up this morning,
I woke up a failure
and I felt dead with every breath I take.
I recognized and realized that
I have so many undeserving help
from people who deserves
so much more from me.
I should not lay here with comfort
but rather with remorse.
With regret.
With hatred.

I feel like I failed in masterminding
most of my relationships,
be it a social one, a formal one,
a normal one, a unique one.
Our one.
I drove around town,
my head spinning much quicker
than my 5-***** rims
and my 16-inch tires.
My thoughts spoke words my tongue could not pronounce.
My tongue locked itself up as though my lips were sealed.
Night seems like days with flashes of lights and images
cutting every cells in my cornea, in my brain.
Images of you.
So bright were your light.

I miss you, let that be known.
I am courageous enough for a stanza or two,
but a coward I am truly, madly, deeply.
But I have a passion for us
for we share one common trait that is rather rare.
But it is rather unfair
that the stairs to your room of hearts
stops halfway.
Because if I were to bare you and expose the nakedness of your soul
you will see yourself transforming into someone you want to be
in the glisten of my tear drop,
because I see you right through like an arrow leaving the bow.
And I know you see me right through like the bow-tie I wear can
never hide from you the nervousness I have behind my sleek tuxedo.
We share this common love for words, our view of life.
We share this unique taste in music, and our unique waste of talent
by only having our poems sit on paper and allow it to rot as the paper
expel from it's expiration date.

We share this weird relationship that we had
that I hope I can have back,
that I hope you want to have it back too.
Nothing is as good a pleasure as having our eyes meet
in a slender of a minute;
or even a second.
But it was enough.

It was more than perfection.

We were perfect. Weren't we?
A mixed *** filled with strange mysterious fervor,
Filled with confused but exciting flavors.
We were a jumbled jar of unconditional affection for each other.
Jumbled and crumbled like a hot *** of chutney.
So shall we try again?
Let's have a taste of what I've wasted,
Let's have our hands stretched out wide,
and just hug it out.
Just you and me,
finally
with nothing to hide.
Let's stop the cold fight.
It's never meant to be.
We are always meant to be.


Have I already said that I miss you?

"Misery is a powerful sensation.
It's funny, can tear people down and lead them to madness.
Which is also a weird feeling, madness.
It strangles you up and won't let go." She said

My mother is convinced that I am crazy, driven to madness, she says.
I don't know how, I say.
Mother, I only do what you have taught me, what you have shown me.
Is it my fault that I don't trust people because of you? I am a cynic and proud.
Others will not be the reason for my downfall.

My misery, you say, is caused from a lack of friends, from being antisocial.
Dear mother, the only misery I own is the one you gave to me over the years.
"Friends" have never had anything to do with this.
I never had any.

Pride will get you nowhere, she says.
On the contrary, mother dearest, my pride has got me everywhere that I have been.
You were no help.

No mother, it's not because I'm not pretty enough, because I don't wear makeup or because I don't do my hair.
The reason that I don't have a boyfriend is because of you.
I have seen one too many of your relationships crash and burn like a meteor to ever trust someone other than me with my organs.

Don't you dare yell at me, mother.
The way I act towards you is because of the shield that I have forged over the years for your snide remarks and evil looks. My attitude is yours.

Sweet mother, I have seen you at your worst and at your best. None of which are really great, but I know how you are and that's all that matters.

Dear mother, I know this seems like it was written to spite you, but it's the only way I could express this.

Mom, I want to thank you for making me this way and for everything you have ever taught me.

I want to say that I love you, mommy.