I didn't have breakfast that morning,
I was going to be late for class and I ran out of gas, so I figured I'd take the bus instead, I've never been a rich man, and what money I do get, I spend it on cigarettes and flowers for a love that doesn't even exist

Sweaty and tired, just like I spend every morning, I finally get to class only to find out it's been cancelled, typical,
I scrounge around my pockets and book bag to find some change to get a snack, I didn't eat last night either,
A woman next to me saw me staring and she offered to give me some change, but she walked away before I could get a name,
Hearing my stomach growl I quickly stick the money in the machine and wait for the energy bar to fall down, but it doesn't, it gets stuck, and I'm left there just staring at it, and thinking about it for a while, how upsetting it is to realize that this is what happens every time

See, it's funny because this **** happens all the time,
They always come along to save me and offer me some kind of change, and foolish, I fall for it, hoping maybe this time it'll be different, but it never is,
They always leave before I seem to even get their name, and they leave me with something that I just end up getting stuck on in the end, and it drives me crazy until I can't stand it anymore,
It's so fake, everything is so fake,
The glass is so transparent and it really makes me think that I won't fall for any of it anymore, but it never fails,
Like, this time will be different,
I know exactly who you are, and I know exactly what I'm getting myself into, but I'm always proven wrong,
Or you always stop halfway through it all and just seem to leave me hanging, literally, like a snack stuck in a vending machine

So I walk back to the bus stop that morning, tired, and hungry, and just wanting to be back home,
I know it's just an energy bar, and I know what happened isn't really that big of a deal, but like every other morning, I could've really used the energy

I mean maybe it's good I didn't get the energy, I'm too tired now of this happening over and over to give any of it any of my energy anymore, so I digress

Love will keep offering me change to get some energy out of a vending machine, and maybe one morning I'll finally get it

By the time you read this, my car will be somewhere in the Ohio River,
By the time you hear this, I will be long gone, do not try looking for me, I will not be found

I made up my mind eventually,
I went home,
I packed a suitcase with my favorite shirts and shoes and hats,
I was too afraid to leave a note, but I should mention that I don't think I'm ever coming back,
I know I have a lot of responsibilities and it's stupid of me to leave,
But it's the responsibilities that made me want to leave in the first place,
I'm sorry I never grew up, I'm sorry I'm a big baby,
Above all, I'm not trying to prove anything, I just need to get away

Before you even mention it, I stopped going to classes weeks ago, besides, I was never really one for commitment, you know this,
And I'm sorry you had such high hopes for me, I don't really have much to say about that, besides sorry  

Like clockwork, I stand in my kitchen every night,
Silhouetted by the refrigerator light,
Searching for something to eat but I don't find a single thing, nothing sounds or looks good, even slightly, I haven't eaten in weeks,
I'm surrounded by the darkness now more than ever even though the sun is shining,
I'm sick of it,
But I'd be nothing without it,
It's kinda my thing,
But I don't got a lot to show for it,
You know what I mean?

Got a lot of money but it doesn't mean a thing,
I'm as broke as ever and it doesn't even feel like I have time to breathe,
But I manage,
Like I was told back in therapy,
Not everyone leaves,
and sometimes I just need to blink but I'm afraid if I blink I'll miss everything happening,
So I've been awake for days looking up at my ceiling hoping maybe if I prayed one of these gods was listening,
I don't got a lot to lose, right?
I don't really believe in miracles but maybe this time is different,
Like, maybe if I showed interest someone or something will talk back to me,
Even if nothing happens, I know I need to start caring, start trying,
It's just hard sometimes

So my plan is to drive off the bridge,
Maybe something will stop me,
Even if nothing happens, there's nothing wrong with trying,
And if I drown, I drown,
I was never really one for swimming,
There's no life jacket where I'm going,
But I'm fine with that,
Maybe I'll see you again sometime

I'm sorry

Lace up,
Mask up,
Speak up,
It is now or never,
I am not yours and you are not mine,
The sky is for the taking and the ground is for the shaking,
We ride until dawn and we take it all without stopping,
I take the thoughts hostage and I'll be ****** if I ever let them go without some kind of revenge,
I'm a sickened ******* madman with nothing to lose and one by one I'll rip off all of the bandages,
I'll let the blood spill and pool into puddles on the cement and I'll step through every single one of them without giving a ****, and that's a promise

The war is hardly over, in fact it's just beginning and I fear we've only seen the half of it, we've only scratched the surface,
Brothers, hold your sisters,
Fathers, love our mothers,
We don't have much time, but we do have the fire

I'm going to set the whole ******* world on fire,
Not even your god can stop us,
I'm going so fast, not even the rails can hold us,
Tie me down and watch me suffer, I love it like this,
I'll break my own heart, I don't need your help with it,
I'll spit in the reaper's face and dare him to take me, we all know he wouldn't do a ******* thing about it or else we'd be gone, a dead rose blinking,
Thinking ruins everything and by that I mean I'll never stop thinking,
I'll never stop the swinging, I'll never come clean and by that I mean I'll never stop wreaking

I've fallen head over heals for the daughter of happiness,
She does that thing with her lips that gets us all heated,
I'm talking about sadness, the mistress of the century,
We are more broken now than ever and I ******* live for this,
Without it I am nothing,
I guess you could call it a problem but I'm problematic so what's the difference

I know you love me but I'm not in a position to reciprocate and I'm sorry for that but there's just a lot happening,
A broken jar without someone to pickup the pieces,
A research paper written about love but I can't even finish the ******* thesis

Everything is ***** and everything is muddy but I can't be beaten,
I've been drowning for a while now because I don't want to look for a beacon

I love it like this, trust me, it doesn't seem like it but I have my reasons

I'm sorry until I'm not and I'll fight until it stops, I'm a mess and I'm leaking, this war will last through every season

And at the end of it, I will be the only one standing

I was raised a pacifist but I swear I'd fight my head until the cops come in,
Hope the demons come to get me, pray the Lord will come and take me,
Even my own friends hate me but I don't give a ****, I wish it'd end, I'll go out without a safety and I'll regret nothing

Up for what seems like three days,
I don't go to class like I'm supposed to on week days,
Mama, I promise I wanna learn but I can't remember anything for the life of me,
I'm too busy spending my time forgetting,
Throwing my head against the wall,
Face down in the dirt trying to figure it out,
Surrounded by fallout, drinking water from the rotten ground,
A smile from ear to ear but none of it's real, I'll drown in the creek before I tell you how I really feel

All I know how to do is breakup,
It's just so hard to make a makeup,
It's fake when I look up,
Look down, I'm hungry, eat the paper,
Recycle the words, been here for days, throw up the takeout,
You make my skin feel *****, enough to breakout,
It's all in a day's work, you know?
Being a wreck, but I can't complain too much because I'm the creator

Sundays are my sad days and Mondays are my bad days and Tuesdays are my mad days and Wednesdays are my glad days,
Another half week down the drain,
I give, you take, you're real, I'm fake,
You say I'm too much to handle but a little glue and some feathers, baby, I could be your angel,
I'll fight your demons faster than you can say Amen,
Hey man, it's me again, thought I'd stop by and let you know that I love you and you're a good friend and I hate seeing you so sad, so let's get some lunch soon,
But we both know I'll never see you again

I wanna feel it in my skin, be intoxicated, grow flowers from the roots of my veins and crush my bones into powder used to polish the statues I made of you, when I see them I just want to scream louder,
Louder until it's all over and the lights are off because I've lost power, see, there's a storm coming and it's raging harder than I ever have and the skies are getting darker than my heart ever has been

Loopholes in the soft sand,
Broke down but I still can,
Imagine a point in time when I never wanted any of this to end,
How childish of me to waste time giving a **** about the fakes and the loose ends,
Got good friends but I'm still down,
Got bad vibes but I still smile,
Got a lot to give but I'll only give a little,
Because I'm scared,
And that's natural

I just want to keep it coming until they have to stop me,
I just want to let them know that there's no hell without a heaven, I'm looking down the barrel, sniffing lead, wishing for poison, go ahead, let it be, I'm going a hundred miles an hour,
I may or may not be their guy and I do know I'm lying, but I've never told a lie

The moment we say enough is enough is the moment we die

I used you,
I used you for the inspiration to write this and I'm not sorry,
I broke your heart over mine and your tears became the ink to this pen and I do not feel bad about it, any of it

You were close to the edge and I pushed you, I pushed all of you,
I knew you weren't ready but I pushed you so I could catch you and become the hero, besides, there's gotta be a hero in all of this, right?
A real ****** nice guy,
A miserable excuse for a lover,
Don't touch her, she's mine, all mine,
And I watched her knees bend until they hit the pavement,
Execution for drowning in heartbreak's debt, you asked for this, you know that, right?

I saw your breath and I breathed it in, it spoke to my head in twists and bends,
There's just something here that I need to get rid, of,
Mice and Men, I was Lennie and you were George, we all know how this ends,
You were always so smart but there were cracks in your skin and I was so stupid from your love but I felt strong enough to make all of your wounds mend

When I get to Heaven I wonder if I'll see any of my friends,
Or if Heaven in and of itself is a sin,
I'll never know because as long as you knew me, I made you my religion and I prayed every single night to you, it's only natural that you left, just like Jesus did,
But you never died for any of this,
You just kicked baggage into my chest like mud onto my shoes and now I'll never be able to walk clean again,

I can't seem to get enough of your love, and,
At this point I'm swallowing your pills by the dozen,
I can't wait to wrap this up in a big bag and nail it in a coffin,
I'm sorry if I was a mistake then, but you have my body rocking and it's going a million miles an hour in circles now, it's coming loose at it's ends

I have a lot of friends who lost a lot of friends to ******, Jesus Christ, what are you trying to prove? That I'm still not over you? I don't wanna think about you but thinking about you is just what I do and I can't stop myself, even if I wanted to

Somewhere between genuine ignorance and outright blissfulness, we're either getting there or we're suffering, so what's the point anyway?

This is a bad decision but I ******* love suffering more than anything so you really know I'm not going to stop any of this any time soon and I hope you feel the same because at this point I'd be absolutely nothing without you and I ******* hate myself for that more than any of you could ever understand

But I can't stop, so I won't

Victim victim,
Red ***, red ***,
Send hatred right over,
I set my eyes on fire and cry to put them out,
I tore my bible apart and laid down on the pages in hopes my demons would spill out,
I kissed death on the lips and made love with her body,
It felt good

There's something so liberating about watching the toxins run dry,
I didn't wanna tell you this, but the apologies sounded more like hymns than they did tragedies, and,
The look you gave me was ******* crazy and I knew right then and there that there wasn't gonna be a ******* thing in this world that could rip you out of me, and I think I like that,
It gives me something to feel emotional about,
Feel sentimental about,
Something about cyanide makes it taste better on the way back up than it does going down,
What happens when the hero becomes the heroine? I'd **** a man with my bare hands if given the chance, and after that I'd teach his corpse to dance like the needles in his veins

You got me feeling off white,
No lights,
Can't see, in my feelings deeper than the Dead Sea,
I've been so ******* blue, see,
Heartbreaker, please, come along and ruin me,
Lungs black, too filled up with smoke to breathe,
Been knocking on the door for forever now because I lost the key

We didn't say **** to each other for minutes, maybe hours,
I don't remember,
Not that it even matters,

I count the tulips in my head until I fall asleep and your face is all that I see,
Two lips, two fists, twisted, intertwined in one another, and I'm not giving anything up until I have to,
You ****** the blood out of my neck like Nosferatu and the stream felt like a million waterfalls and nothing feels real anymore

I carried the weight of the world and then some, your body felt like a backpack and sometimes I wish I had a bullet big enough to **** the sun

Red rover, red rover,
Send recklessness right over,
High off the adrenaline but I know I'll crash too soon to even give a ****,
This knife felt better going in because at least then I didn't know it even existed, back before it all happened it seemed like I had such better luck

Tummy tuck, semi truck, run me over, slice me open,
You were gone by the time I'd woken,
But there was something about you and that night that felt so golden

I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to the way I was, when everything felt normal and I was normal, but here's to hoping

Rally the horses,
Tally the corpses,
Go manic and shoot off your body like it's a gun,
The walls bleeding bright red, dripping into puddles on the bed,
I always tell myself that I wasted so much time, but time is irrelevant when everything feels dead,
60 seconds 60 minutes 60 ****** knives, we both lead such ****** ****** lives

And she said I know it's hard but this will get better
This will get better

I remember when you told me you were going to set the whole ******* world on fire, what happened?
I remember when you stopped and regretted it and I remember holding onto all of it as much as I could because I knew you couldn't handle any of it, not anymore

Go supernova and leave them all in your wake,
A no good do gooder drunk through the relapse with broken teeth,
You were always here but it never seemed like you were enjoying even a minute,
Emotional asphyxiation is such a heavenly way to die but you're the apple of my eye and as much as I don't want to,
I need to say it

And she said I know it's hard but this will get better
This will get better

I never stopped to ask you how you were feeling because every time I stopped you just told me to keep going and I'm
done with it,
You get the jist,
Tried eating and I just get sick,
Tried sleeping but the bad dreams never end,
Sipping yellow paint, filled with yellow haze,
In a craze I'm in a maze and my head won't rest,
Hate being happy, being sad is the ******* best,
I'm sorry

Broken poet, baptized and drenched in Sisyphus,
Beaten ****** pessimist,
I wanna fight it but I'm too much of a pacifist,
Brittle even with vitamins,
I never knew disaster could look like this,
I digress, I'm ****** twisted and you all can't get enough of it,
Keep em comin 'til I drown in my own spit,
The way you're talking makes you sound like a ****** lunatic but ******* I can't seem to get enough of it

I need you,
I shouldn't say this but I need to

Toxicity's filling my veins and the numbness is clogging my arteries,
You can't swim well in a dead sea

I tried to fight through the fog of your feelings but it was too dense to see, anything,
I never knew you had such a lust for blood until I saw the fangs,
Inside of us are such broken pretty things

You were such a broken pretty thing and I need you,
I said it, I ****** need you

It's been soaking for a while now and I think it's best it finally bled through,
I'm finally realizing you were right when you said it was for the best that we were

through

I shouldn't have said this, but I needed to