A wolf in sheep skin,
Depression's kingpin,
Lost in addiction, so spiraling it makes my ******* head spin,
Cigarettes and gin, a beautiful girl lost in a lover's world, the process over and over again

A smooth slick ******* who doesn't give a **** about heartbreak,
A cold and lonely evening, a real earth shaker,
Heartbreaker,
Hymn chanting, shot chasing, sadness cannibal,
A glass half full,
Or half empty

4am again,
Is this pack half full or half empty,
Never see, never see, Neverland, the promised land, watch it bleed,
****** river, ****** knuckles, broken teeth, a golden rose sprouting from a blackened soil, see

"You lost me"

Cut up and sewn together, mix matched with a crying messiah,
Flown up then crashed down,
Teared up with tears rolling down,
Smack the frown off of my face and leave me sunny side up over easy, pepper dripping, salt throwing, ******* train wreck of a human being,
It's never been easier, trust me,
Keep myself awake for a few days straight then rip my guts out until I convince myself that all of my problems can be fixed just by sleeping

Stormy weather with the windows open,
Sunny weather with the blinds all pulled shut,
Wish I could find a way to just not give a ****

You're pessimistic, pacify her, burn her up in holy fire, drown yourself in holy water,
Forgive the angels for your daughters,
Poetic slaughters, words ripping through all of us,
I'll give a lot but I won't give up,
I'll stay up until the sun's up but I won't cry anymore than I have to

Sometimes it's like that,
Sometimes it's easier to fight back,
Throwing punches until the lights are out,
Blacked out until the stars come out,
A kaleidoscope of misfortune,
Prescriptions on prescriptions,
Haven't peaked yet but I know I'm worth a fortune,
Frowny faces I'm drowning tasteless,
Not sweet enough for any of your senses but too bitter to take any chances

Sometimes it's like that

Better gear up for the long fight,
Hasn't come yet but I'll hold tight,
I'm here to take it all and put it into a different light, see

War never changes,
And neither will I

I can't stop talking about heartbreak,
I guess I'm just too sentimental about it,
Then again we all know that we can't stop talking about things that we love,
I just can't realize why I love it so much,
I guess I'll never really know,
I just know that I have to keep writing about it or else it'll write me instead and I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if something like that happened,
Then again, I can't ever sleep at night regardless

There's just something about it,
I can't really put my finger on it,
I just love being sad

Sadness does that thing with its tongue that we love so much,
It's always taking cherry stems and tying them into knots,
It never stops to think if it's hurting us,
It never stops to ask us if what it's doing is alright,
Then again it knows that we'll never ask it to stop because it knows that we love it too ******* much

I don't have anyone to talk this through with,
I need help but I don't want it because this is all that I've ever known,
See, not knowing what's going on, that's what scares me the most,
But why would you turn down happiness? Why would you not want both?
I'm sorry I'm coming off a little crazy,
I swear I'm not a ******,
I just love,
Too much

I'm not one for tying knots but,
If nowhere else, you can find me at the bottom of some rope,
I love to hate love and I love the cigarettes that I smoke,
I love the feeling of being alone,
Even though I just love to talk,
******* I ****** hate this,
But honestly it's all that I've got,
So for the rest of forever I'll take it and run,
But for you I'll make it seem like I'm just going for a walk

I was told to find what I love and let it **** me,
*I think I found it

You told me to text you whenever I got home safe,
Well I hope you're willing to wait,
Because I'm not really sure where home even is anymore,
Better yet you're better off thinking I passed away,
It's been a long time since I caught a buzz off of love,
All I've been knowing lately is heartbreak,
All I've been looking forward to lately is yesterday,
Nostalgia eating me up like my happiness is at stake

I never knew Sadness until Happiness decided it was time to part ways,
She was a drug over and over I was willing to take,
She made my whole body feel like a gun and She made the whole world look gray,
She convinced me that colors were only out to get me,
It's crazy how little it takes

I can still see the fear in Her eyes and I can still feel Her heartbeat,
She's scared,
She knows She won't last long so She's doing the best She can with what She's got,
She's got a tiger in Her spine and fire coming out of Her face but She won't last long here,
It never really lasts long here

She's the kind of girl you take pictures of when you're in a museum looking at pictures of what once was,
She's here and She knows it,
That's the sad part,
Nothing happy about this,
Not a lot,
Not even a little,
Riddle me with birds and bees and I still wouldn't be able to tell you who I've stung and,
Please,
When She enters the room, give all of your attention to Her feet,
If I don't get on my knees She'll make this way worse than it has to be

I'm not sure how or when it gets better,
Or if sadness (I mean she) goes away,
All I know is that to this day, I've been sitting here, waiting,
Maybe,
Just maybe,
Happiness, again
Will show Her face

I don't want to become obsessed with you just when you become undressed,
Would you, fall in love with me as much as I fell in love with you,
I want to, gather up all the stars and put them in a bag for you,
I want to, fly you to the moon,
Would you, kiss me in the rain until all we see is sunshine,
Burn bright,
Our passion and our worst fears just seem to collide,
Every time I'm with you,
Every time I'm with you,
Everything else just seems to fade away

I can't usually see, but this, I can see clear as day,
Everywhere your mind goes, I follow, even if I won't want to, I'll go there anyway,
There are 12 months in a year and trust me when I tell you that I'll find 12 different ways to love you, if you just gave me a chance,
I don't like dancing, but may I have this dance?
Let me put it this way,
You fit me better than my favorite pair of pants

Told me you wish I wasn't so pretty so you didn't have to try so hard,
Hold you, in my arms, watch you fall asleep, I can only hope you dream of me and not someone else,

This isn't a love song, this isn't a love poem,
I don't want you to turn this up until you can't hear anything else,
I just want you to look at me like you look at everyone else

I've grasped onto every possible option available to me,
I've sang the hymns, I've had the drinks, I've prayed the prayers,

So close, yet so far,
An eclipse of emotions and actions, one taking turn over the other,
A sad messiah weeps on the alter of everyone and begs for chance after chance,
I love you so much, but do yourself a favor and don't give me one

Be someone I can rely on, it's all I'm asking, I guess that's a little too much,
I guess I'm just a little too much

I'm so strung out by the thought of it,
Dug down into the dirt from it,
Pulled out from my comfort zone and thrown into the sun, getting more and more dried up by the minute, as if my body even has any tears left in it,
I can't run from it,
I can't hide from it,
I can't even fight it because how am I supposed to fight it if I can't even look it in its face

It looks like I haven't slept for days because I haven't slept for days,
Tumbling down the slippery ***** of being comfortable in the uncomfortable,
I've been so upset for so long that it feels weird to not be,
It feels weird to be okay,
I don't like it, so I stick to feeling blue instead of anything else because it's just what I know best

Yeah fine whatever I'll get the help I need when I need to, for now I'll just ****** **** myself one minute at a time, hopefully the clock will stop and let me breathe for a ******* second,
I told myself that if I stopped I would die so I just started spinning and spinning until everything became so blurry I could hardly tell what I was doing and it feels like now I can't stop,
If anything I've learned that if anyone is underground long enough that means that they're dead,
Please just ******* help me, grab a shovel and start digging,
I can't do this by myself,
Even though I know I'm suffering,
I'll cry every chance I get


The only reason I started drinking was because my ex girlfriend's therapist told her that it's bad to keep things bottled up,
I never stopped, not because I love the taste of it, just because it feels better on the way back up,
It lets me know I'm not alone,
My sour stomach or my rotting bones, it doesn't matter,
I love to feel like I'm alive even if I'll forget

I retrace my memories and soak them in the pool of veins from which they came,
One of these has to make sense now,
There's gotta be something here that warned us of this,
I've been looking for a while and I guess I was wrong the entire time

I should've known from the start that this was a bloodbath and there was nowhere to run from this,
That conflict was the point of it all and we would be absolutely nothing without it

If we keep making bad art in hopes that it turns good we will never be artists,
Art is ugly and so are we

I am god and so are you

You made a home in my bones
You made a home in my bones*

You crawled into my bones and you made a home and now you won't leave,
You don't even pay rent,
All you're good for is picking me up and throwing off of my feet,
*******, I'm tired of it

I'm tired of being awake when I should be asleep,
I'm tired of covering up for you because we both know that you can't speak,
You're too weak to fend for yourself,
So you latch onto me and feed until I can't tell the difference between being free and wanting to feel free,
Until I can't tell the land from the seas,
My head, that is, drowning, because you tied this anchor to my feet,
And I'm getting tired of swimming,
I miss the trees and the sand of the beach

I miss waking up and actually wanting to do things,
I miss eating pancakes whenever I felt like it but now I don't feel like it at all,
I don't even want to eat,
I miss listening to music for the hell of it,
Now I can't even listen to music without feeling a tear roll down my cheek,
After the dirt got the best of me I'd climb onto my roof and pretend I was a bird,
I just wanted to feel something

I was so ******* scared of saying something about it but now I feel so powerful I can hardly speak,
All of this, it's not just a dream,
I am alive and I am proud of knowing that I made it this far,
All there is up to reach,
Because I've been at the very bottom for as long as I can remember and ******* I'm tired of it,
I think it's time for you to leave

What? Are you scared that I'm talking to you directly?
I'm telling you right now that you no longer have that power over me,
Just go pack all of those bags and do your best to stay the hell away from me

I'm sorry for screaming but I'm just so excited to finally be myself, the thought is crazy to me,
Like, I've gotten so far in the past few years to give it all up without battling,
I can hear the coffin door rattling,
I can see the sun through the clouds now, it feels like this sadness is shattering

I'm tired of it, I can say it over and over,
I'm tired of it,
I'm tired of it,
I'm tired of it,
I can feel my lungs again, I'm breathing,
I thought I'd never see the day where someone would ask me if anything was wrong and I'd reply with "hardly",

I can smell the flowers again,
I can see the vibrant colors of the petals like it's my first time on LSD,
I can look up without a care in the world again, I thought I'd never say that, it's always been so foreign to me,
But what's happening is beautiful, this sense of empowerment that seems to rip through the cloudiness of it all every now and then to show its face to me, how it's so lovely to realize that I am more than what my demons seem to be

This is beautiful,
I am beautiful

I am alive and I am proud of it

It's nights like these that I tend to think about you,
Don't get me wrong, I think about you all the time,
Just nights like these in particular seem to stand out,
It's like you're watching me,
Like you're leaning over my shoulder,
Like some kind of guardian angel,
Yeah, I know you weren't anywhere near an angel, I'd just like to think you were,
Like I've been through so much with so many people that it's just nice to think that there's something good chasing away the bad,
I know we all wish it really worked like that

She sat there on that same exact bench at the same exact time every single day,
And you watched her like clockwork,
Too afraid to introduce yourself or even look at her other than from the corner of your eye,
Her favorite trees were cherry blossoms,
Her favorite color, violet,
Her grandmother lived on the coast,
None of these are true, you're just imagining these things to give yourself some kind of grip here,
Some kind of confidence in the fact that you're lonely now,
So lonely to the point where you think the birds in your backyard enjoy your company more than your friends do,
And you record yourself singing into your phone because you always wanted to see what it would be like to hear something other than the thoughts that take your ears and tie them into knots,
Consistently,
Destruction from the inside out,
Everything is pretty,
No matter what

I remember specifically the night you told me that I was everything you needed,
It didn't matter how drunk you were or how vulnerable I was, I'll hold onto that idea forever,
I know I'm nowhere near you but that never stopped me from trying,

You know that feeling you get when you're home but you just don't feel at home?
That feeling of uneasiness that just swallows you up and spits out your bones,
It's hard here

I've been in the river for as long as I can remember,
I just can't remember when I started trying to swim against the current instead of going along with it,
I just keep getting cut to pieces, bleeding everything out, everything, I can feel it,
The winds are as sharp as sheep shears,
We are all suffering here

Not dead but dreaming,
Numb to the feeling,
Alone in the morning after being held through the night,
Around her in the evening, looking at the moon as if it's her radiating that light,
It's hard here

She kisses my lips every chance she gets but I can't wait to kiss her goodbye,
Walking through the flowers and feeling the sunshine in the sky,
The way she seeps into my veins and makes me warm, nothing but lies,
It's hard here

I am breaking my own heart trying to save myself from her,
Depression isn't beautiful, in fact she's a liar,
We are all suffering here