I will fill my voids with every form of destruction
I will inject my brain with everything that feels good, regardless of the fact that it never ends well

Much like our broken love, I have forgotten the true meaning of honesty

Honestly, the way you took my hand and ran with me felt so refreshing
I wanted all of it
I wanted to be enveloped

It wasn't until the night I saw you with him that I had felt such a strong sense of defeat

The way his hand was wrapped around yours, I knew he was running with you

Two years later and a few more pieces shattered, my legs are broken and my hands no longer are able to grip as hard as they could when I was with you

My tired bones and my rusty joints ache at the memory of running with you

We can take over the world! You used to say

This is not me crying because of you,
and this is not my pity party
I am not wearing a party hat and there is no confetti

There is a pile of fuming bones and there is a race I no longer have the chance to win

When you left me, I was so fragile
However, here I am today
I am stronger then ever
and I am winning my own race

Does it ever cross your mind that what is, maybe never was supposed to be

That maybe what was supposed to be, isn't worth mentioning

Maybe we're supposed to settle for what we know we can have

I never seem to branch out

It kills me to realize what I want is so far out of reach

It's unfortunate that I feel the need to settle for what I know I can have, never opening up and going after what I should have,
because what I should have, I don't have the confidence to go after

My head keeps telling me that I deserve absolutely nothing, but I've never heard a story end like this

When you fight this hard for this long,
It's hard to think you don't deserve it

I've been in these battles and these wars for what seems like years, and what do I have to show for it

A dwindling sense of self-confidence and a smile so fake not even plastic can describe it

I play myself for a ******* fool

You see, my head and my heart are two very separate beings

My heart is constantly tugging and pulling at my head to drive just a little bit longer,
that this sense of peace is just a little bit further

My heart beats consistently only wanting to show just how far I have come,
but my head is content just where it is

My heart always talks to my head, but my head never listens

It's been awhile, and if you were to ask me how I was doing right now, I wouldn't be able to say well

My walls came crashing down
only to be rebuilt so sturdy that not even Jesus himself could push through to me

My branches have been cut and my leaves have turned brown with selfloathing and greed

I am not doing well, do not even ask me

I know this is my fault, it always is
I push everyone out
I don't know a good thing when it's coming
I always sabotage everything in my life

Maybe it's me, maybe it isn't

I just know I am getting very, very tired
and I need to sleep soon

If you were here, would you even ask me

Would you stop me and ask me if I was doing well, or would you stay quiet and keep walking
like you have for the past three years

I don't even remember the last time you asked me

*I just know I am getting very, very tired
and I need to sleep soon

He looked like her father when he hit her
But this time, the bruises didn't stick around long enough for her friends to realize
It was all just one big misunderstanding
However love is not tough when tough involves fists
And fists are not tough when you love someone like this

I remember the first time I met you
You were so angry
You were crying
I walked up to you and I didn't even have to ask what was wrong
You just gave me a big hug and said to me "Cherish those around you before they are stolen out from under your feet"

The bones that break are the same bones that rebuild themselves ten times stronger
Your bones could build a bridge
And it would be so beautiful

"I am a work in progress and you will just have to deal with me" is one of the things I remember you saying to me
Those lips are the same lips that kissed mine when I told you that you were getting more and more beautiful by the day

Although your paint is still drying
Your colors are so vibrant and they blend so well together
You are going to turn out so beautiful
And everyone is going to admire you
Everyone on this planet
Everyone in this universe
You are a work of art

God bless the angel who protects you
God bless the angel who sent you

Think about those around you
Think about what God was thinking about when he made this world

Did he intend on creating a utopia,
or did he know that his creation would spend their entire lives dealing with all of this

I wonder if he took a second glance when that woman lost her husband of 54 years to the same cancer that took her daughter away,

That man who overdosed yesterday had a grandma that made him cookies and milk when he was a young child,
That same grandma also took him to church last Sunday morning,
And when the pastor ended that service, the man walked up to the pastor with tears in his eyes and asked if there would still be room in his heart for Jesus, even if he didn't have his life completely together yet

When we were young, we dealt with everything in such a nonchalant way
We looked at our mothers and fathers without judgement,
We didn't even question what made our fathers yell at our mothers,
We just went with it

When we grew up, everything became reality
We began to see our problems as what they actually are
We no longer see them as mild inconveniences, because they're more than that now,
The problems make themselves known
We have no choice but to feel it, even when we don't want to

It isn't now that we give up, it isn't ever
**** this, we are better than this
We will live on, and on, and on, and never let up
We will give it hell and we will show them just what we are made of

It isn't the mild inconveniences that define us,
We are more than that

It is the 5:30am cold nights drenched in hard liquor and broken hearts,
It is the song that comes blaring on the radio while driving 75 in a 55,
It is the second pack of cigarettes that are blown out of your window as you drip paint onto the new canvases you just spent your entire paycheck on,

It is real life,
It is the air you breath,
And it is the way you walk

This is not me, this is not my life, these are not me, these are not my life

I don't want to slip back into it

I want to wake up early,
I want to eat fruit for breakfast,
I want to turn on the Beatles and run until I feel my legs burn

I don't want to tell my doctor that I smoke cigarettes

I want to pick flowers without being jealous of their beauty,
I want to smile and mean it,
I want to socialize,
I want to tell my crush that I think she's cute and finally take her out on that coffee date

I don't want to tell my mother that her God is not my God

I want to have lunch with my grandparents,
I want to stop my mother's crying,
I want to be familiar with happiness, my god, I want to be familiar with happiness

I don't want to run into my old friends and have them realize that I never grew up,
I don't want feel uncomfortable,
I don't want to beat myself up,

I want to make amends with existence,
I want to befriend Jesus,
I want to walk the field and feel accepted by every flower,
I want to walk by and no longer try to rob them of their beauty

I want to have good habits