the earth shook the neighbors again today
but truly, i can't say that i felt it.
yours is the only one that still hits me.
your earthquake spirals through my veins
interrupting the day, awakening me by the night
i await the tremors with anxiety and need
disrupting intellectual thought, curving daily motion.
absence of your presence denies me
everything, yes, everything.
grasp ahold of me, my love, and shake me
shake me from the depths of this nightmare
return, return and make this right
troubled mind shrouded by memories
that which flow to my very core
this dark red heart beats for you
my courageous veins are your love's roots
weaving through flesh and blood
daring to grow more and more sturdy
your earthquake scares me, my love
for i cannot control it.
your memories will not crumble with the earth
shaking and trembling, i'll stand my ground
holy is your image, voice, and touch
hot is the molten passion, coursing through my young heart
rupturing from the only place that i know
your earthquake, my love, determines so much
faulty is the mind and brave is the heart
crazed intuition lurking from daily interruptions
my love, continue to shake my world
for i know you are still there
my love, continue to shake my world
for i know nothing else
if a day pass where i cannot feel that vividness
all will be forgotten. all will be dead.
my love, i beg of you---
send me that earthquake today.

i must tell you of this curse
that's intertwined in every verse
magnets compel, repel, and foretell
it doesn't matter if you are well

you'll always be attracted
***-yd, divided, and subtracted
resisting an instinctual urge
to give your everything, to splurge

call it north, call it south
but the words slip out of your mouth
your heart will be drawn-in
hopeless, head over heels spin

laced, maced, even some space
you can't resist that face
heaven, hell, or whatever you believe
it's stronger than we can possibly conceive

time out... time in!
how did this begin?
a chemical reaction
a little bit of passion
that just rushed in...

aqui estas, de nuevo, mi amor
te he esperado con tanto esplendor
yo sabia que un dia ibas a regresar
ya estas seguro que me puedes amar?

mi amor, me das tanto miedo
sin ti, me caigo y me quedo ciego
si tuviera tu corazon, completaria mi mundo
me dicen que asi es tener un amor profundo

por favor dejame ganar tus sentimientos
ya me llenas con todos esos pensamientos
te amo, te amo, te voy a mendigar
regresate conmigo, me tienes que salvar

ya me desperte de este pinche sueno
yo quisiera que fueras algo bueno
pero ya me di cuenta de que no puedes ser
tu no me amas y siempre me vas a correr

pero, mi amor, te mendigo
por favor quedate conmigo
quedate---

you're in paradise, but still calling out to me
you see, i don' have a problem, crossing the sea
i'd do it for you, within a single beat of my heart
that way, our souls would never have to part

i'd like it that way, you know, you and me
you've shown you don't have a problem, crossing the sea
you'd do it too, within a single beat of your heart
so why, why... do you demand we must be apart?

i'm sickenly optimistic
not one to be very cryptic
let me show you, just how much
just feel this friction in our touch...

feel that? yeah, that's it.
i know it's hard to admit.

rare moments, hit by the unseen train
your lights, so oddly hypnotizing
beautiful, in a forbidden way
a quick and silent overview
you achieve a score of ten and adoration
beat, beat beat, beat, beat beat---
my red heart is quickly confused
forbidden i say, forbidden
much higher than all the rest
awkward love of a confused heart
awkward love of a forbidden sun
awkward love of a child.

bare essentials of a steady heart
apples, tea, grunts, and dreams
constantly stirred with more sugar

bare essentials of a needy heart
left, forgotten, scared, and moldy
lacking all of the principle ingredients

bare essentials of a ripe, red heart
love, caring, kindness, and coffee
a touch of luck, a sprinkle of destiny

estoy viviendo una prueba, dices tu
pero mi corazon me duele, mas que tu...
no me dejan dormir todos estos pensamientos
es el amor amor que me causa estos sentimientos?

me gustaria decirte que me dejes en paz
pero tu y yo, sabemos, que yo no soy tan capaz...
tu voz, tu cara, tu amor, tu recuerdo, me entra
espero que este corazon debil no me mienta

te digo, tratare de dormir otra vez,
aunque eso no funciono todo el mes...
porque mi amor, me haces tanta falta
estoy segura que la vida me aplasta

no quiero regresar al mismo terror
cada noche, cada dia este gran tremor
amor, amor, yo se lo que te digo
toda sera mejor, solo regresate conmigo

fingertips tracing an outline
surely tainted by our love
not a gaze, but a fixation
on all i can imagine
silenced by the drifting conclusion
that you'll be gone
i'm left with seven days
to drown in your icy undertow
although it burns my core
and lights even the darkest what-ifs
i'll soak you up, every bit that i can
it will have to last me a long time
dreams are beautiful
and memories, unreal
but even those won't compare
to the holiness of your heart,
the affection labeled on my soul,
and a persistent need to adore you.
it's one that i can feel beating
hidden beneath blood, flesh, and bone
i'll ask the moon to watch over you
and maybe even the sun, you'll know
i'll clench to the sound of your voice
radiating in and out of the long days
long for your smile... oh, ****, your smile
i won't be able to quench my thirst
it will be a long desert walk
until i'm finally back into your arms
but i'll be waiting
loving you more than today
and even more after that.

venom veraciously running through my veins
cowardly hiding from your cordial love calls
relentlessly rounding up their rigid rumors
now hoping to hide my heightened helplessness
diminishing those devious devils, drowning all
a hatred hovers for them, always haunting me
does a *****, almost lover lie? no, no, no--
so sincere, so saintly, so astounding.
i'm wearily weaved in your web
i'm caught.
i'm caught.
i'm caught.

all i'm left with is this lonely sacrifice
keep wringing me out drop by drop
spill the rest on the cold, tile floor
your infinite ignorance
and your constant unwillingness
crush this bovine heart.

spare a measly second or two, fine sir
strip yourself of that ******* and angst
wipe out your obvious masquerade
inhibit and curb those short-comings
conquer those tedious tensions
please, open and flaunt your vault.

verdict: guilty--of loving you "too much"
sentenced to: living without you or living without you..*
"until you can figure this all out"

barred, by your pleasure-seeking addiction
imprisoned, by your man-***** conviction
shackled, by your deadly crystal blue eyes
guillotined, by your crushing self demise

but i'd rather be locked to you
than live in this pain and misery.

gated, by your fear of commitment
executed, because to you i'm not sufficient
punished, because i love you, "too much"
tortured, because i won't seem to budge

but i'd rather be locked to you
than live in this pain and misery.

eagerly waiting and ruthlessly paused
looking at the clock, the hours, the minutes
forging alone of this path of decisions
time is left to decide, to wander, to escape
but the neediness calls to me, picks me up
moves me along

crouched behind a couple of white lies
but ones that could massacre, proving defiance
could cause uproar, sharper than a scalpel
could weaken, distress, and break
but none so scary, as losing you

for now, they can't know
path is chosen, deed is done
i may be ******, but i won't run.

it'd be a luxury to forget you
the depth of your callouses
the unevenness of your smile
the smoke on your breathe
those wooden coffee tables
carved with our dreams
in sickness and in health
we embraced it all.

it'd be a luxury to forget you
that constant burn like nicotine
that hot fire on your lips
driven by desire and passion
your strength to push me away
your eyes to draw me in
penniless and not worried
in our arms, we had it all.

it'd be a luxury to forget you
black sunglasses, fedora hats and all
your swift, careless motions
slow and tedious habits
a weakness for women
and their weakness for you
to have and to hold you
we knew, we could have it all.

it'd be a luxury to forget you
crumble those old photos
pour gas on those memories
tear that plane ticket in half
reach in and crush my heart
dagger first, scramble my brain
from this day forward
until death do us part, we'll remember it all.

it'd be a luxury to forget you,
one that i do not have.

my world view with a kaleidoscope lens
childish preference at it's very finest
grasping concepts and hope instead of rage
hope--of someday sharing that communal troth
my constant strife to create nothing but good
sometimes failing, but still caring, like i think we should

potential greatness freely flowing from our hands
reality's palms are full of life, death, and the in between
countless decisions of forks, spoons, or those petty knives
my--such a short cycle, but really it's just enough
to create, to alter, to change, to better, to love
crisscross applesauce and your angels much much above

rationality killed by deception
irrationality triggered by love
shot---
once, twice, too many times
i beg, take what you need, and nothing more
at the end of our time, we'll divvy up the score

butter knives, daggers, and those lifetime swords
no matter the sunny day, surely cutting bit by bit
innocent white flesh, to the bone, to the heart
a darkening of my color as the demons crawl out
it is our young desire, and not our actions, that are shared
but in hope, put to the side, so that one day we may be paired

today i told you the simplest of words
i must be happy, to make you happy
and that's what i'll do

you have a truly resounding presence
even in the corner of your deepest absence
and i'll conquer over these misty diamonds
to prove to you, our love lacks no funds

just a dose of kindling love
goofy hats and toboggans
racing you to the car
picnic table naps
and sneaking kisses around corners
serenading over the phone
or in your ear as you sleep
poetry written on ticket stubs
pulling my hand over your stubby cheeks
a laugh, a smile, a spinning hug
we share the same soul

we can cross into this new territory
daily, weekly, and monthly
start down this great beginning
who knows what we're winning

we can enjoy all the simplicities
side by side, buying groceries
be thankful for today and tomorrow
and give the wind a chance to blow

today i told you the simplest of words
i must be happy, to make you happy
and that's what i'll do

i dreamt of finding a simplistic revival
you found the necessity for that crash cart
grasping for life as only i know how
kindling your words until the very end

patience is a virtue
but it doesn't mean much

fumbling with child-like thoughts
regression to a lesser time
quick to throw out her diamonds
if only he were a diamond thief

tears are an instinctual masterpiece
beheld only by the inner van gogh

the diamonds, falling from her face
shimmer and gleam with imperfection
those eye diamonds are tricky
cannon balling the good and the bad

circumstances are dreary
no matter the cards

tugging on the memories that are slowly fading
they fall from my hands like grains of sand
slipping away, drifting away... escaping
i just want you by my side again
calloused hands
a simple smile
skinny eyes
big cheeks
plump lips
you even steal my chapstick
i miss holding you
caressing the sides of your short hair
starting from your temple to your back
i always contemplated you during your slumber
so peaceful, so content, and a body like a furnace
i'd tug away to get a better look at you, from afar
but even in your sleep, you'd pull me in tighter
grasping for comfort, tugging at something unforeseen
i couldn't deny you or myself from that
you lingered, even when you were gone
god how you linger now...now that you're really gone
i repeat and repeat, "he'll be back soon."
and contemplate your return with such anxiety
to hold you again
i sleep only to dream about you
and that's all right...
i get a glimpse of your smile
i hear your laugh
and temporarily, i'm fine
see, dreaming's my fix
but nothing is as good as the real you
i need you

oh ****, you sent me those chills again today
that one song knows how to bring it all back
and i knew exactly what to do
indulge, indulge, devour what i could

sweep up these teary eye diamonds
no questions---who am i kidding
a million questions all across the grid
it's magical, and i refuse to let it go

nothing is remotely relevant like you

i give you credit for breaking my heart
trashing it with euphoric bursts
your name, full of weight on my tongue
prestigious, if only to these uninvited thoughts

but i welcome them in, cordially and whole heartedly
maybe, since then, i was disposable after some time
****, i'm that kodak, thrown in the back of the drawer
i'll suffer with those oh so familiar montages of photos

treasure that innocent film we made
i'll always pause at your smile---
banged up, reminded of you
can't help the feeling of today

brutally graced into submission
we were imperfection held by conviction
that...that i still love
our relationship was dolled up for a date

held by hairspray, that'd unravel every night
colored by lipstick, that'd fade after one too many kisses
darkened by eyeliner, that'd turn the normal into mysterious
crafted by mascara, that'd run at the first sight of tears

tyrannize, patronize, calcify my broken heart...

don't hold back, instead, enable me---
enable me, and my broken heart
send me those chills every so often
i need to be reminded of you

i'm addicted to yesterday
and you underestimate the things that i will do

search for those benson and hedges
craddle that bitter coffee
moving closer towards the edge
suffer again and again

i'm hopeless
a hopeless romantic...
and i give you credit for breaking my heart.

cupid took his aim
shot through the heart
so different this time
the arrow struck deeper

his venom took it's course
heart, mind, body, and spirit
crazed motion, slurred emotions
i fell through destiny's walls

so he found his victim
steady and content
piercing my innocent core
cupid took pity on me

i begged of him one last thing
before i fell under the spell
"pray that i don't regret"
and was swept into a current of love.

i don't know if i can write anymore
you're all that's left in my words
screaming and shouting and trying
and i doubt i'm ever really heard

i don't know if i can think anymore
a cold shower doesn't take away the pain
regression and progression know no path
they leave me here, all the same

i don't know if i can cry anymore
too many diamonds escaped their vaults
instead i am numb... or maybe just too patient
instead, i'll accept each and every fault

i don't know if i cant drink anymore
liquid encouragement only hides hours
but they pounce and they leap
proving to bring down the highest tower

i don't know if i can sleep anymore
i've tried and i've tried
but my theory is broken...
look, i've cried and i've cried

we are loosely wound together
just mere days under our belts
but something screams genuine
and knocks on the door of my heart

she wasn't home before, my heart
she had been broken into, and robbed
steadily took her time, getting back home
to find a welcome mat, courageously laid

now she's sculpting her days around those moments
beating in tune with an identical, sound heart
avoiding fractures, robbers, and tears
at all costs---

twenty two years
such a great testament
for playing house
together, you've sowed love

i see it in your children
i see it in her chicken soup
i see it in his fancy eyes
hand in hand, playing house

my playmate is far off
in a land i don't know
we stopped playing somehow
but we still look at each other that way

i saw it in our banana pancakes
i saw it in your fixed gaze
hand in hand, we played house
but we're not playing house anymore

i see it all clearly now
the burnt kitchen
the crooked fence
only ashes in the fireplace

the scattered drawers
the empty living room
a wide open front door
abandoned, astray

we never had that house
but i've imagined it so many times
that house, our house
you burned it to the ground

maybe, one day
we can play house

wake me. are you really here?
a butterfly hunter
draped from the top of my neck
a conqueror of heart and soul
fastened at my fragile side
a sun, that casts out the winter
adorned with a perfect halo
a guide, brighter than a lighthouse
cherished by day and by night
a singer, serenading your love
welcomed by my chilled spine
a slow dancer, feeling each word
sculpted by our intertwined bodies
an inspiration, for every poem
adored by my ever so bold heart
a figment of my imagination
descended only from dreams
are you really here? wake me.

my worries are worrisome
a quiet smouldering fire that remains
but i'm greatly conscious of the threat
imminent, waiting, ready to pounce
content to administer the punch

but you're ready to medicate, and mend
promises to restore, and intricately repair
restore me? ha! you'll be my remedy?
are you up for the gig? alright, deal---
nurse me back into love again. even into like.

i promise you're not a dose, drug, or diet of love.
but somehow you've got me coming back for more.
it's got to be that smile, cinnamon colored skin
the lingering scent of your touch, child-like eyes
that resounding beat, throbbing against my fragile chest

but, truly, let me beg, promise me---
that i'm not just your new fancy
not just a frivolous, female friend
you crept in so slyly, my fox
and soon, you'll go for the ****

the **** will be good
the **** will be tragic
the **** will make me fall in love again.

i swallowed a butterfly,
to see what it's like to fall in love
she readily confided in me
"my love, your heart will find an escape
unanticipated, unforeseen
wrapped in a tight embrace
side by side, one content soul
lifetimes before, you suffered
infected with lies, deceits, and cheats
but you have a pretty, scarred heart
but i promise, you'll quietly be cured."

since then, i've invited that butterfly in...

i swallowed a butterfly,
to see what it's like to fall in love
she acts up, in the middle of the day
diving, from shoulder to hip
breathlessly, twisting up my lungs
fluttering wings, at any given moment
she recognizes your name
and surely your voice
she reminds me of your presence
and she too, longs for your absense

since then, i've invited that butterfly in...

i swallowed a butterfly,
to see what it's like to fall in love
and greedily treated myself to more
so you could find them with your touch
her wings are quicker than i imagined
chilling the weak spots on my neck
cradling words that hopefully suffice
caressing moments that make me smile
still...

since then, i've invited that butterfly in...

caffeine and smoke may fuel an addiction
poetry may soothe an aching soul
but in the early hours of the morning
i can't seem to find a cure

i haven't graced you with a smile recently
and you said i haven't laughed for days
i'm tangled inside of this constant thought
mi vida, i'm sorry my happiness can't be bought

i'm drenched in recurring memories even as i sleep
it's raining in my mind... and outside
today's going to be black, and blue, and grey
it's taken so long to get here... to the end of may

i speak of you, with such high regard
contemplate your steps through a normal day
for you, anything to bring me in even closer
and pray to anything, anyone, that i won't think of her

caffeine and smoke may fuel an addiction
poetry may soothe an aching soul
but in the early hours of the morning
i can't seem to find a cure

a weary mind, a sick stomach, a lack of words
i'm a coward

an ounce of your caring
would break my back
crumbled by hands
thrown in the corner

always triumphed
begotten and stranded
by the fearless man
in his guardian suit

a professional protector
leading me astray, far
burnt, crisp, forgotten
i send you my sympathy

you called again today, now look what you've done
keep coming back, contemplating your unsure purchase
just because you know i'll always be there
man's best friend---
i'll push and leap forward, tightening my collar
only to strain my own breathing
only to frustrate and discourage you from walks
i'll whimper, give you those puppy dog eyes
but i'll always be by your side
throw me your table scraps, one by one
i'll fall for each and every trick
after daily repetition, maybe i'll learn
multiple kicks, but i have a short memory
call me by my name, i'll come running
invite me to just sit on the couch, i'll feel like a queen
scold me for chasing the cat, i'll repress myself
you treat me like a dog
treat me like a dog, you must know by now
i'm your *****

such a secret, is one that kills
hidden from the scary outliers
those lies laid down piece by piece
like our hands that entangle perfectly.

i'll drown in your company
fill my love up to the rim
clench onto your promises
and believe once again.

devour the hours--tick tock, tick tock
greedily gobble your butterflies
eternity spent in your tired arms
it's dark, breathe fast, up and down

temptation sparks at a moment's notice
clean my conscious and let it out
tell the world, tell them all
that i have fallen for you.

an inner strife towards constant honesty
but the exception falls on you
they won't understand, they can't
they simply won't.

i'll beg for acceptance
plead for nothing less
because, for now, i'm happy again
i'm happy again...

i've found something--
something used,
something wrinkled,
something divorced,
something with baggage,
but i'm happy.

i guess i'll light up this memory again
it'll sputter at first, then the smoke will billow
a grey cloud of memories surrounds my reality
my reality, if you can call it that

because i'm dreaming in and out
just searching for the pristine light
that's going to keep me moving
i need some gasoline on these rotting logs

a kiss, to stir the embers
an embrace, to see the flames
a serenade, to make the light dance
your presence, to fuel my bonfire

although it's withering during the night
i find comfort in the heat and vivid colors
whoever conceptualized love, knows of fire
knows of the burn, knows of the mystery

i'll leave coals across the distance
this distance that greatly separates
but it'll light your way back to me
and you'll see, i'm left burning for you

a red, passionate heart left simmering
while you fetch more firewood, out there
you'll find your way back through the woods
and see, i've kept us alive all this time

whoever conceptualized love, knows of fire
knows of the burn, knows of the mystery

<3

i have a sun
and i have a moon
i'd die for each of these
my moon shines bright
but my sun always shines brighter

my sun, you give me life
power, strength, and stability
i can count on you
even in the darkest times
my sun, i know you'll be there

my moon, you deceive me
you grow and diminish each day
i'm tricked by your appearance
never the same
my moon, when will you be full?

but when the seasons change
where will you both be?

i'll need a guiding light
by day and by night

my sun, will you continue to shine?
my moon, will you ever be as bright?

your plentiful grapes of passion and desire
do not haunt me quite so much anymore
instead i took a bite of that apple, like eve
and lost my taste for your fruit...for now.

fixed eyes, fixed gaze, asphyxiated
by your distant memory
then a familiar old soul appears
who knows how long he had watched
for a moment, i'm set free
looking at those wise eyes
he radiates warmth, kindness
i return a crooked smile
then back to my fix
he must have known
he must have known of a lost love too.

i gasped as the thought of you hit me once again
without warning, i need to confront your chilling face
a single thought, brought on by the breeze
there i sat, legs crossed, pain in sight

good thing that bottle was near by
i served myself another dose of cure-all
but it only lingers, perhaps as long as you did
makes the room spin, like when we danced

perfect appearance, just right
smooth, flowing, a dash of color
slender, compelling, the right amount
are we still talking about you?

good thing that bottle was near by
i served myself another dose of cure-all

you crumbled so young, only just a man
so ripe and fruitful, for the years to come
it must have sought you out, i know it did
i will never understand death--should i?

bittersweet, some people will always say
i don't see the sweet, that taste isn't left
the world's left bitter, sour, and black
one of the finest minds taken down

the sand ran out in your hourglass
or maybe that old man pushed it down
crashing threw the cloudy heavens
taking our earth angels one by one

racing so fast, i'm forgetting to breathe
tripping over gasps and skipping over beats
tell my heart to stop, i plead and plead
this insane love is making my heart bleed

thoughts swarming in and out of my head
crashing with might and a kicking, brute force
the words on my tongue prove such a weight
is this free will, destiny, or some kind of sick fate?

drag me through your piercing thorns
drop thick mud into my glowing veins
trade this situation for a new one. no, that won't do
i'm deathly afraid to say, i really love you

dumping past complexities into my lap
and i now jointly receive them as my own
whimpering, as i fall more and more tame
bruised, bent, and beaten when i hear your name

i'm sympathetic to your abandoned ones
i too, am beginning to feel the permanent loss
i'll clench to you, as long as you watch after me
fearfully calling you mine, as long as you wish to be