kapag ganitong oras talaga na wala nang magawa kung hindi tumingala sa kisame ay mapapaisip ka nalang ng mga bagay na nais **** marating sa buhay at mga pangakong binitawan sa nakaraan. hindi rin maiiwasan na mapapikit na lamang sa panghihinayang kapag naalala ang mga panahong sana'y maayos pa. sisingit na rin ang mga pangarap na tila'y imposibleng matupad hanggang sa pinanghihinaan na ng loob na magpatuloy pa.

sa lahat ng isinisigaw ng damdamin at pagod na sarili, sumabay sa alon. magpalunod at lumangoy.

darating ka rin sa dalampasigan.

there lies no
certainty on
what is waiting
for me on the
other side of
the moon

whether i will
be greeted
by the stars
i've been
trying to grasp
with my bare hands
or a meteor
that will
collide with
my fragile
body and turn
me into a
speck of dust
in the galaxy

either way
like an astronaut
wandering in
the space
who tries to
seek the void
and mysteries
of the universe

i will never
let gravity
pull my weight
down as i reach
towards where
you shine
luminously

balang araw
sisikat ang araw
at masasabi ****
naglagpasan mo
ang hindi mo
inakalang matatapos

balang araw
maghihilom ang
iyong mga sugat
kahit man may
maiiwang bakas
ng mapait na kahapon

balang araw
may magpupunas
ng iyong mga luha
gamit ng panyong
ibinigay sa'yo
kung sakaling
gusto ulit ng iyong
pusong sumigaw

balang araw
mararanasan mo
kung gaano kasaya
ang magmahal
ng buo at tapat
at masasabi ****
hindi ka na
malas sa larangan
ng pag-ibig

at balang araw
makikita mo
ang iyong sariling
nakangiti habang
naalala ang dapithapong
iyong tinalikuran at
dinaanan

no matter how you
threw me under the bus
shredded my heart
like a pile of rejected
office papers and
spitted me out like a
worn out bubblegum

i'd still say
you have
my heart

i always hear it from others that time can heal anything. they said the sting in your heart will somehow leave after a series of sleeping with damp cheeks. the next thing you will notice is that you are back to continue your life as if those nights did not matter.

however, maybe that quote does not work with a lot of people because no matter how i distract myself to forget turn you as a happy memory, i am afraid i cannot.

i still remember the time when i didn't know a single thing about you. i thought you were just another beautiful face to look at but as the seasons came and through the blaring speakers, your pleading words made me understand who you are. you lured me into yours until i found a little piece of home in you. i found a sense of clarity within your thoughts because i liked the way we comfort ourselves into similar things. it's like you understood me and i understood you.

but i guess i was wrong.

that one time when i asked you if you were okay, i did not get an answer but i understood. i wanted to get a hold of your hand but my constellations that i wished connected us were miles away from reaching yours.

so the world continued to spin, the season changed into another, we continued to live our own. winter came, i kept my spirit warm because you told me so but yours became cold. it found freedom in the skies, wandering like a little kid.

i guess you liked it like that.

spring came and i was wrapped in my own world again. i started to write again and my sight was set straight on the piles of papers and texts that won't even matter in a few years. i suddenly remembered that you left some records in your room but i avoided listening to them. the voice that used to accompany and bring me comfort in the rain soaked me under the dark clouds of the sky.

you turned into something else.

you were no longer my muse,

you were no longer my love.

but no matter how i blind myself from the truth, i still miss you each and every day, when the rain comes, when the moon glisters at night and when the cold wind touches my face.

i guess i would not forget you since you will always keep me wondering what would happen if our worlds collided. at some point, i wish you were a part of mine. by that, maybe i could ask how you are doing or if you already had eaten your lunch whenever we see each other. maybe those would lessen the weight on your shoulders or ignite the fading fire in you but the universe was too whipped into other things.

i could've listened to you intently, memorizing how you lips move and the other features on your face that i wish you admired when you were still warm.

tonight, i listened to your old vinyls. i could still feel my eyes fill with such blue but the ache isn't there anymore. maybe time can really heal. maybe when autumn comes, i could finally turn you into a happy memory. maybe when the rain comes, i will find comfort again. maybe when the moon shines into a full one, i could look into the sky with a smile on my face. maybe when the cold breeze touches my face, i could feel that it is you.

i could hear millions of voices in this world but yours will always stand out.


because you will always be my muse,

and you will always be my love.

he couldn’t sleep at night. if he could count the times that he twisted and turned his body to get a comfortable position, he would be more frustrated and he is afraid he will be awake for the rest of the quiet times. so he grabbed the pillow next to him and embraced it as if his life depended on it.

however, the soft pillow that caresses his cheeks smells like his favorite perfume. it smelt like the aroma of roses that almost had the faint scent of the sea and serenity.

it was not his.

it was hers.

her head laid against the pillow the other night and the remains of it crawled through his head. the first thing that lingered on his mind was her hair. he remembers the day when her soft locks intertwined with his fingers as he eagerly try to do a simple braid. it was relaxing for you that it put her thoughts into ease after a long day from university.

the next one was her eyes. it was a drunken night when she told him that eye contacts are very important when he is talking with his date. so after a few denials, little arguments and small talks, she dared him to look at her straight in the eyes for a whole minute.

and he got lost in tracks as he stared at the most beautiful pair of eyes he had ever seen in his whole entire life. he wanted his face to lean in further to capture those lips,

oh, her lips.

those lips that he finds the most endearing among her being. plump, soft, sometimes it curls into a pout. he thought how lovely it is to kiss your lips every day with such affection and delight.

thinking of her sweet features became enough for him to drive himself away from the reality where the idea of them exists. maybe one day he will be courageous enough to spill his feelings and wrap her around his arms at night just like the pillow he is hugging right now.

his eyes wandered for the last time. he looked for his phone to turn it off but he noticed that the time written on his screen was 11:11.

and so he wished he wouldn’t be the only one dreaming of his desire to hold her for the rest of his life anymore.

the dark coffee i ordered swirled in motion as i stirred it with the tiny spoon that i got from the counter. i couldn’t recall how many times i’ve been doing it but all i know is that i was supposed to meet you in an hour and a half, and that my drink has already gone cold.

the text message i sent to you asking your whereabouts delivered itself thirty minutes ago. i put the spoon back on the table and gave it a rest. i looked around and started to stare at the window beside me with the hope that one of these people that i would see was finally going to be you. however, after i ended up observing dozens of figures who were just passing by at the front, another thirty minutes ran on the clock and you weren’t still here.

i typed another message to check up on you. i pulled my phone out of my dark leather bag and unlocked it. i was expecting to see at least one message but your name was not on it.

“are we still meeting today?", i said. the sky became dim and the rain started to pour, and that was when i started to wonder if you already forgot about me.

you see, i know that you have plenty of things to ponder on and i also know that the picture of me is not included in that one. me on the other hand, my list is good to go except that your name that was sitting on the top of everything was still waiting to be cleared out from it.

i couldn’t understand why and how i can’t get you out of my spinning head. every melancholic song that i hear shouts your name. there was no film that we didn’t talk about and i hate the fact that even my favorite film is your favorite. we share our guilty pleasures and the rest is history.

but you couldn’t share what i am ready to share with you — love.

i suddenly felt a tap on my shoulders. i was so lost in my worries that i didn’t see you enter the coffee shop. i looked up and saw you. i think you said “oh, hi.” to me and pulled me into an embrace. i noticed that there were also a few marks of droplets of the rain on your shoulders but your sweet scent remained that makes me not want to let go of you anymore.

“sorry. late.” you started to put your bag and your macbook down on the table beside my cup. you sat in front of me and asked  “were you waiting for me for like, maybe an hour already?”

i shrugged and took a sip of my cold coffee. i said no. i tore a small pack of sugar and poured it in my coffee. i thought it was bittersweet, just like this day was.

“i came in about ten minutes ago.”

because ******* hell, if i’m waiting for you for almost two years, i surely do not mind sitting in this coffee shop for another two hours.

the wood is burning and its ashes danced with the wind. the clean, white sand became gloomy ever since the sun started to yawn, making its way to sleep as the moon rises from its bed.

and there you are, staring at the dimmed sky. the ocean is serenading us with its waves. calm and still. tranquility embracing our souls.

the tiny stars are back to say hello to you.

they love you.

the universe loves you.

and i love you.