one—

for a day filled with extremes
happiness to sorrow
sorrow to contentment
and eventually,
exhaustion.

two—

for hidden stories
locked in for years
triggered open by loneliness,
kept in again before dawn

three—

to evaporate unseen tears,
burn out unreleased emotions,
while watching the embers glow
and fall slowly onto moist concrete.

the wind blows strong
little by little, leaves fall

i look around
as they surround me,
lifeless they may be
but to me, they bring folly

in my mind, i wonder
how do they know
when to let go of the tree?

we are all little birds
stuck in a cage.
begging for release,
waiting for our songs
to be sung.

through failed speech,
i’ve made words bloom
from seeds to leaves

as they wilt slowly,
i realized that i haven’t
sowed what i planted,
and i haven’t stopped
to smell the flowers—

if i fail to decipher
what is hidden within the veins
of each petal, what would happen
if it wilts?

would life end
with me not knowing
the reason behind morning dew?

pull my strings
when i’m not under pressure
do i make a sound?
or do i break loose?
i don’t know
*i just don’t know.

you wrote me letters on leaves,
i wrote mine on paper
both of the same origins,
of the same tree

as you wrote,
the leaves fell slowly
and wilted
while i kept mine
hidden between books

i’ve kept your love
from the start,
while yours decayed
and left to rot.

we entrust our hearts
to someone who we think
could keep it

but instead they leave fingerprints
and even I don’t know
who owns this mound of flesh
they call a heart—

it has lost its identity.

before I sleep, i fix my sheets
and stack my pillows as if
a lover sleeps on my bed

i sleep and wake up alone, but
i wouldn’t mind waking up
to morning hair, sleepy eyes,
tired smiles and a long yawn
i wouldn’t mind waking up
before dawn, after dusk,
during the sunset or while
we’re under the stars

i wonder how lovers like these
are hard to find, because i bask
in the simplicity of mornings
for only in these early hours do i
truly know someone

maybe i have puzzles and traps
stuck on my hallway, or a
warning sign taped on my door
for none even bothered to knock
or maybe it is my refusal
to find any other

no one else sleeps on my bed,
because i’ve pressed all my sheets,
perfumed all my pillows, marked
my calendar and saved the dates
for nights and days with you.

will you stay long enough
to keep me until i can love again?
or will you make me see
that there is no hope for me?

if you will, then be the wind
that goes without a trace,
so i can only smell
what you’ve left,
the scent of your betrayal

for each time you return
to fill me with your essence,
i have no choice,
but to open myself fully to you—

i can’t live like this,
i can’t breathe in what you exhale,
leaving me with nothing, when
you go on to places
like the morning mist,

this isn’t love, this is
all your emotions on airlock
poured out on me,
i can tell you’re running out
so i’m running away.

they say a picture
tells a thousand words…

if you see my smile
captured in a candid moment
with eyelashes batted
in a second
would you see the sadness
behind the smile?
how my lips are pursed
after the click?
how in my mind,
i have to keep smiling
so you’d think i’m happy?

you’ll never see
everything with just a picture
but you can write everything
behind a smile.

we wrote our names on the sand
filled it with hearts
and shells for embellishment
you wrote with the thicker end
of the stick, made deep marks
on the white sand
but you wrote it near the edge
and it was washed away

as water filled up
the spaces we made
we had no choice but to look on
and when it was over
you sighed,
i cried

our love was swallowed
by a whirlpool.

ten months ago,
I went to a temple
and made a wish
on kidney-shaped stones

it wasn’t a serious wish
but it wasn’t silly either
i might as well say it
since it came true

i wished for you.

no lost souls
no dead hearts
no visiting strangers
bringing wreaths of flowers
that wilt under the sun

although my love
is close to death,
long until my final breath

i will never be a graveyard
and my heart isn’t
a mausoleum.

i made you a card
the only words inside are
“i love you and i’m sorry”

it would mean so much to me
if you could receive it
because you’d understand,
and gather my pieces while
everyone sees me whole

but i don’t know where you are
and heaven doesn't accept cards
unless i send them to you myself

i’ll pray for you, ma
happy mother’s day.

when i find refuge
only in dreams,
where i run from reality
before i could blink
wake me up before
i turn into
a nightmare.

you, saying my name
is one of the reasons
i get up in the morning
and the only reason
i have to sleep at night.

on a sunday
we went to church
a bit earlier than most
mother knelt down
and in a rare time,
father knelt with her

i could almost feel
my mother's fervent prayer
emanating from
her bowed head,
with clasped hands
she was a sight,
like a rose offering
gratitude to the earth and sky

but from my father
i thought i heard a grunt
or a sigh, or a snore
between sealed lips,
he was dreaming
while he knelt in front
of a church pew
tiredness, perhaps.

I see shiny coins,
flawless paper,
I buy things
with crumpled currency
first

I see pictures
women with curves
men with abs
no one without

I see roses
in full bloom,
crimson,
long-stemmed
and perfect

Everything I see
will always
be better than me
but then,
I can never be
just a thing

I ask myself everyday
am I worth it?

we are waves crashing
we are strength and beauty combined
for every time that we chance
upon the shore,
we end up going a few steps back
falling farther away from land
taking us deeper into unseen depths
where what lies beyond is uncertainty

you should be the sand
while i should be the water
that imprints patterns
along your body

or i should be the air
taking you to endless streams
where we could be whirlwinds
gathering up bounties
for our flawed existence

but we are waves crashing
and even if the sun
becomes too extreme
or the shore is too far from reach
i won’t get tired
of falling in and out with you
even in midnight summer dreams.

I stack my pillows up high
before I sleep at night
so my dreams have a fortress
where only a lone knight
can conquer, to rid my dreams
their unfortunate plight
before I wake up in tears
in the break of a sunrise.

if you break her heart
i will tear your heart into pieces
and scatter them on a riverbed
where the water flows
to the seven seas

when you try to find them,
you never will
because by that time,
the pieces would’ve been
washed up on uncharted islands
and you’ll end up with
the salt from every tear drop
you made her cry

you see, you must never hurt her
or you’ll drown in the great expanse
of the ocean, her ocean

if you do, you’re better off
finding love during sandstorms
in an arid desert

if you’re not ready to swim,
you should never
dip your toes in water
in the first place.

intoxicates hearts
drowns them in bitterness
fills minds and
tricks them into thinking
that drunkenness
is forgetting

but the soul,
it is the soul that is
often left, it never forgives
unless it forgets.

you showed me love
for thirty days
i gave you
my heart in eight

these numbers
don't actually mean anything

but with you gone
it's all i have
worth remembering.

what do the stars
have to do with our love?

do the stars know
how our hearts beat?
do the stars
lose their senses
in a simple touch?
a stolen glance?
a faint whisper?

when they align
they will never be
as beautiful as the
invisible outlines
i’ve made on your skin

i love you
and an infinite number
of celestial bodies
can never compare.

seeing love rise and fall
from a seedling to a tree,
until the last branch left
on a dying trunk, has to
withstand storms and rains
but it never turns green

sometimes water isn’t enough
for trees to grow.

three words
to soften hardened shells

three words
to break through high walls

three words
to ask wandering souls,
forgoing shyness
to see eyes
swelled up in emotion
waiting for the time
to just let go

*are you okay?

i flip our book
over and over
looking for answers
and for lines i may have missed

some words i've highlighted
some i read in smaller font
some italicized, a ring of importance
in an otherwise simple word

faster and faster
i flip the pages
no answer
nothing

no plot
just words
incoherent, meant
for our minds to bend
we have to start writing.

in my own movie
i will always be
the supporting actress

i’ll be the one who helps
the main character
through everything

not stopping at
plot twists and turns
not giving up on the ******
knowing that the denouement,
whether happy or sad
will always be for the best
because there are lessons learned—

but i never win an award.

be still
until you feel the air
gently caressing
the nape of your neck

close your eyes
because no one else
will hurt you, there
is nothing more to resist

just listen
silence has a voice,
it is the loud ringing
when your ears
try to escape the void

breathe in
breathe out
do it again

put the blade down.

i exist in everything
but i am more saturated
in different settings

in airports
but people are always in a rush
for their check-in time
and i end up taken for granted

in sea ports
but people are sea sick
and i end up being disregarded

in bus terminals
but people are too busy
checking for the next bus
to come, they don't think
i'm there

i think the only place
i would be happy
is in a green meadow
but it's useless being alone
no one notices,
not even stone

you can't even see me
sometimes it hurts
when you breathe,
but i'm here because
you need me the most

*--love, air.

the scattered letters i know,
i turn into words
the thoughts floating in my mind
i turn into poetry
when vague, it becomes prose
when i can, i turn them into song

but, at all times—
they never reach you.

or hell or purgatory
i don’t mind

as humans,
we can only celebrate life
for we never see death
as something worthy of happiness

but i accept everything
that life and death brings
not because i have no choice
but because i can’t imagine
myself with you right here anymore

i may not have moved on
but i pray for you while i breathe
i just wish you could blow these candles
wherever you are—

in heaven, in hell, or in things too
beautiful i have yet to see.

your words
have always found
their way into me

i tried resisting
but then—
i couldn’t breathe.

time never helped me, so
i made my name permanent
on my bare skin
it was red and deep
and it reminded me everyday
that you weren’t worthy
of being permanent on my skin.

remind me
of prejudice,
unspoken judgment,
promises and hopes
that get severed by lies,
deceit and indifference

whether we like it or not,
we will be seen differently
under the radar
of discriminating eyes,
but--

if your love was a label
i'd wear it like my purity ring
and only remove it
when i find the right label
for you and me-- *us.

in a way
two writers
who fall in love
plagiarize
each other—

because they see love
with the same eyes
that made them see
each other, then
they write about it.

if you never talk to strangers
how else would you know anyone?

does a baby know his mother
without seeing her
when he goes out of the womb?

does a toddler go by himself
in a playground, not sharing
his toys to the other kids?

does a child go in school
for the very first time
and not make any friends?

does a person not smile
to the person behind the bar
in a coffee shop?

i say lovers were
strangers to one another
at some point in time--

and if you've never talked to strangers
you've never loved at all.

our song plays
in an infinite loop
poetry fixed with melody
set in orchestration
with our emotions

but no—
our song plays endlessly
but it stops and pauses
with breaks for breaths
and i may not have
counted the times
it played over
in my head

but i do know
that nothing is infinite.

I’ll stay
even if dusk
settles, and all
you see is a
starless sky

I’ll be your moon
and i’ll light up
your night, we’ll
make stars out
of the tears
we hold inside

I’ll be the last moonbeam
that kisses your eyes
before the break
of the sunrise—

when Venus shines
and the sun covers
my subtle light,
i’ll wait for you
until the twilight comes.

I will find you
and I will make you taste
ink, spilled from the pits
of my gut, so you can
taste the bitterness
of your ill words

I will make you see
that words may define me
but they won't matter
because I see myself differently
from you, and you, and yes, you

But I won't hurt you
that's too easy for me
I'll let your curiosity grow
until you'll wonder why you
even hated me in the first place.

I went to the beach
with our memories
in mind

I took a dip
so its ashes
may sink in
sea water

and the fishes
would eat the
bitter ends left of
our love

but our memories
bathed me wholly--

and I went home
soaked in tears.

art is the closest
to perfection
that we see

poetry
is describing
its perfection
in words aplenty

prose
is the rise of words
to build up
perfection

we mortals
use our minds
to make sense of
things that we
feel and see—

that, in itself
is perfection.

thunderstorms
and lightnings
remind me of you--

because you struck me
when I least expected it.

if God had mercy
would he end me?

for all i've done,
and what i've
been through

if he had mercy
he would end me.

i am a ghost of
who i was yesterday

an illusion of who
i'll be the next day

a soul living in
a distant utopia of my own

a fleeting vision of
a person--

because change
is a path that
leads nowhere.

i'd rather live
not knowing all the
answers to life

i'd rather not know
how deep the ocean is
or how the world looks
from end to end--

or why we try to make sense
out of stars that align
so we can call each other
star-crossed lovers

if i knew all the answers
i wouldn't have to read books
or anything at all

all i want is, when i'm
on my deathbed, the last thing
that i want to know is:
i've lived a life and i
didn't know much
but i lived long enough
to know what
happiness is.

I like milk tea
like I like my men

Oolong—
deeply rooted in
his beliefs, strong,
slightly bitter— rarely
compromising

Milk and sugar—
delicate, able to bend
rules without losing
integrity, sweet yet
lasting, like the
aftertaste I’ve
grown to love

Cold—
ice cold, only to
complement the
warmth I’ve been
saving for a lone soul

Pearls—
sinkers to my tea,
unflavored yet unyielding.
the anchor of any man
willing to stay with me—
this I have yet to see.

I am jealous of who
you think of at night
because I think of you

yet in my dreams
you are in constant flight.

Sa pag-abot sa kahayag
(As the light approaches)
Ngari sa ngitngit kong kinabuhi
(Here in my dark life)
Ang bidlisiw sa adlaw lamang
(Only the rays of the sun)
Ang nagbalik sa napalid
(Have brought back)
Kong mga damgo
(My dreams which have flown away)

Bisag wala niya nasayod
(Even if it doesn’t know)
Ang akong mga kalisod
(All of my difficulties)
Siya lamang ang nagdala
(Only it can bring)
Ug kalipay nga tinuod.
(Happiness that is genuine.)

you’re a drug
that i should never
run out of—

for i’ve never
breathed life
until i had you
in me

and i’ve been dead
after all this time
until you had me.