Looking over at the scenery from the distance
Wanting to feel its beauty
Wanting to take a risk
I tiptoe with my hands out
Trying to touch something
Something that wasn't there
I loose balance
And fall over the edge
Now I'm close enough
Close enough to your heart
Close enough to your arms
Close enough to your love
Please, catch me

A chord wrapped around my neck
Strangling me in your womb
What was my sin mother?
For you to punish me like this
For you to coil yourself around my weak deformed body
I try to find my way out
For I want to feel life
But am I alive?
Now, here
In your womb
Mother, why am I here?
What is my purpose?
Am I going to stay in this dark place?
Knowing no one but you?
No movement
None but my own
Trying to get out
But what is out there?
A life of sin? Mistakes? Confusion?
For I know once I leave I can't return
Will you let me leave mother?
Will you let me experience life?

I've cried so much my head hurts
I've cried so much it aches
My chest, my body, my mind hurts
My demons I can't keep away
They taunt me and **** me inside
And outside I try to hide
But for what...
They control me
I have nowhere else to go
I am in their house so their rules I must follow
I am not comfortable being who I am
Because I am forced to be who they want me to be
But I won't
I can't
I think about it all the time
My life too much for me to want to live
But she keeps me
The one that I'm not supposed to be with
She keeps me here, alive
Every time I give up on life she gives me a reason to live
And I'm forbidden to speak to her
But alas, if she is taken from me
Let life itself depart from my body
For I am tired
And many will cry
But why should they
They are the reason I am where I am
And if I am to die, it is only because I was pushed passed the end
They ask if my poems are inspiration
And I say no
Why? Because why not?
Why should they know what's going on?
The reasons too much to bare
But I must bare them...alone
My friends wish me well...some of them at least
But why should I care?
No matter how much I cry
And how much I talk
Nothing will change
I am a prisoner to my generation
A rose that has fallen apart
Wanting nothing but love and acceptance
But for as long as I am who I am
That will never come my way
So I lay in my bed
Pillow wet with emotion
Head pounding with sorrow
Thinking of a future where I am allowed to be me
I am not a child
And I'm not a grown up
But I'm growing up
And soon I'll be gone
Where?
Far away from where I am unhappy
Somewhere I can stand out and be unique and not worry about embarrassing anyone
To have wonderful friends and someone I love beside me
That's what I wish for more than ever
And for my family to be by my side
To accept me for me and not try to change me
If God didn't want me like this I wouldn't have been
For persons who were born with a deformity
It wasn't their fault
That was how he wanted them and this is how he wanted me
And I have learnt to accept it
If I'm different then I'm different
I need to love me
Especially if no one else will
But for now
I'll take my punishment
And suppress myself
If it kills me then it kills me
But with every last breath in my body
I will........

First period-work
Second period-twerk
Third period-drink
Fourth period-drunk
Fifth period-sleep
Sixth period-passed out
Seventh period-get up
Eighth period-kicked out
Ninth period-aware
Tenth period-repeat

I sit on my bed and listen
To the rain as it beats down on my roof top
Those tiny raindrops
So powerful together
Little drops of water following their cycle
Knowing their purpose
I watch them beat the Earth that I walk upon and change it
Those little guys
They make the sky change color and make people feel their worth
Why can't I be like a raindrop
To look at my problems as though they are only an obstacle in my cycle
For people to stop underestimating me because of my size
Yes I am little
But that doesn't mean I can't make a change
I sit on my bed by the window and look out at the watery scenery
I too will be a raindrop

If there was ever a time
Where everyone felt at peace
Where no one was obligated to another
I would like to live in that time
To be reborn into no worries
And dance along to the sweet music of life
To not be afraid of the people around me
And their opinions
If there was ever a time
Where men were not obsessed with the flesh
But instead cared for the heart
Where love was pure
And *** was just a way to show them trust
I would like to live in that time
Being a woman would mean much more
Than just a man's play thing
And "till death do us part" actually means something
If there was ever a time
Where I can be me
And not try to be perfect
To fall and get back up again
Dust myself off and keep going
Somewhere I can be human
I'm tired of the fakeness
I'm tired of the times we live in
Take me back to the basics and the simple life
If there was ever such a time.