I've cried so much my head hurts
I've cried so much it aches
My chest, my body, my mind hurts
My demons I can't keep away
They taunt me and **** me inside
And outside I try to hide
But for what...
They control me
I have nowhere else to go
I am in their house so their rules I must follow
I am not comfortable being who I am
Because I am forced to be who they want me to be
But I won't
I can't
I think about it all the time
My life too much for me to want to live
But she keeps me
The one that I'm not supposed to be with
She keeps me here, alive
Every time I give up on life she gives me a reason to live
And I'm forbidden to speak to her
But alas, if she is taken from me
Let life itself depart from my body
For I am tired
And many will cry
But why should they
They are the reason I am where I am
And if I am to die, it is only because I was pushed passed the end
They ask if my poems are inspiration
And I say no
Why? Because why not?
Why should they know what's going on?
The reasons too much to bare
But I must bare them...alone
My friends wish me well...some of them at least
But why should I care?
No matter how much I cry
And how much I talk
Nothing will change
I am a prisoner to my generation
A rose that has fallen apart
Wanting nothing but love and acceptance
But for as long as I am who I am
That will never come my way
So I lay in my bed
Pillow wet with emotion
Head pounding with sorrow
Thinking of a future where I am allowed to be me
I am not a child
And I'm not a grown up
But I'm growing up
And soon I'll be gone
Where?
Far away from where I am unhappy
Somewhere I can stand out and be unique and not worry about embarrassing anyone
To have wonderful friends and someone I love beside me
That's what I wish for more than ever
And for my family to be by my side
To accept me for me and not try to change me
If God didn't want me like this I wouldn't have been
For persons who were born with a deformity
It wasn't their fault
That was how he wanted them and this is how he wanted me
And I have learnt to accept it
If I'm different then I'm different
I need to love me
Especially if no one else will
But for now
I'll take my punishment
And suppress myself
If it kills me then it kills me
But with every last breath in my body
I will........