i was the night and you took the sun out of your pocket just for me
a shining bright beacon, casting its brilliant gleam wide
across my disbelieving expression, showing the underside of the moon
and yet that light is dimmed, but only by my attitude of it

for light in a dark room is painful in the least, when it shatters the silence i surround myself with
finding comfort only in that which shows nothing of itself
simple and blank, less than confronting, my bed lays there in that lonely balance

lonely is a word i use to describe myself, not alone because how can you be alone with all the music and art and faces you see on the screens. it is but a feeling, deep down inside, a brutal poison...all consuming. this is where my darkness is born

I am the night, and your smile, that singular light on the horizon and above, is the sun
a shining bright beacon, casting its radiance as far as i can see and further
not that im looking that far, the future im sure is as bright as you, but, whos looking


for when you’re being consumed, you lose sight of what may be important and you ignore it for that which makes you feel...something. thats what the darkness did, blinded me to the sun thats always been there for me, for us

has anyone ever met the moon, I did and its beautiful. a soft glow, breaking the monotonous plane of empty, the first glimpse of light in an otherwise dark place. unrecognisable at first, for i had never seen this moon before, but im sure you have right, that light always there, the suns sister or brother or cousin...a back up i guess

i am unfamiliar with what its like to be bathed in that reflection, and thats what the moon is right, a reflection and mirror to whats on the otherside, whats behind you or dampened, whats covered or obscured.. it took a long time to realise that this gorgeous radiant beauty i was seeing was that same sun you retrieved from your pocket.

You only showed me the moon because you knew the sun would scare me terrify petrify me after so long from its warmth. you were being careful, caring. making sure to dip my toes in that daylight. but i didnt want to thaw so i stayed there in the cold light of the moon while you slowly dragged the sun. until it lay directly infront of me, burning into my eyes, blinding in its strength,  unstoppable force of life and light and happiness...

I felt blind again, but this time...i revelled in it

I was the night, and i will continue to be so. for no change can come so abruptly. the empty void will always be a part of my psyche. but now you have given me the moon and you keep it bright by throwing your starlight across its surface. and in turn my dull thoughts are constantly submerged in thats freeing brilliance. That darkness has a ray of light piercing its impenetrable veil, forever more...

I was night and i am night, but now...now i have my moon and my friend...the blazing sun...

beautiful artwork has always come from real life experiences, in my mind i see traumatic events as a way to forge a soul in fire and heat, dark and terror.

coming out of it stronger in body, weaker in mind, until those wounds heal over, scars left that are fragile so you take the time to give them tender, love.

a learning experience, a way to grow, a seed, watered in misery, pain, remorse or guilt. giving way to a tree that flourishes while marred and hurt beneath.

Your branches strong although  twisted, growing still. people watch, people talk and never see beyond the cover. they never see the foundations that are slowly wrapping themselves in the sorrow of the past.

Strength lies in diversity, more so in adversity. Fighting against that which tries to squash you, make you break. but like the yew tree and unlike the oak, we bend to the storm and we weather it...

im getting sick of the crazy
sick of the never ending reminders
of what has passed and what is yet to come
the fear of rejection that i know is irrational
the loss that i feel isnt that deep but i feel it is

What can i do truly to make this go away
who is to know but me
forever relying on my best friend to always
help me out of situation i dont know how to deal with
this reliance is terrible and debilitating

what once was so beautiful an escape has now
turned into something i cant realise
or escape from, these thoughts of pain
something i held so dearly now anything is just a reminder of the hell im fleeing

these friends i called friends and still see as friends arent what i thought of as friend but these friends are just my pained rememberances of what i consider friend and just feel like a loss, a void of friends

i have one friend that i rely upon to be my voice
reasoning to make it seem like i can do better that i
dont need those people that havent been around for years but now
seem to have been around forever but are my reminders of pain

that friend has almost always been there
and they are great and amazing but not what i long for
which is release so i don’t have to drown my sorrows with a bottle
of numbness and forgetting which i know i do best but is it enough at this point

to just forget and forgive and rely on new memories to swallow the old
has that ever helped before, no it’s only caused lonely and sleepless nights
nights to forget and dissolve what i feel and hold close

my heart my health my mind cannot deal with it
but i strive with this positive attitude in order to survive what once
was a forgiving world that allowed weakness but now
that im older, not even that old, the pain breaks through and makes
things oh so difficult

if only things could change and i could rely on no one but myself
but that takes time that i do not have access to yet
if only i could push these memories and thoughts away
i could thrive in this life of agony

but then...i would not be myself

suffering.

Some days, I wake up and i just don’t feel pretty. I don’t know what it is, whether its the food that i eat or the drinks that i drink or the things that i do try to enjoy. I get up, and look in the mirror, and i just hate the image staring back at me.

I mean, it isn’t like i think im grotesque, it isn’t like i genuinely believe that i am repulsive, i just cannot get over the fact that, my skin is marred, what once was flawless is now scarred. i cannot see past the blur that i see in my eyes, the haze on my soul.

Some days, i wake up, and i just want to get high, and lie, in the rain instead on lying to myself that everything is how it should be, that destiny and fate have me in just the right position. That i am exactly where i need to be, but i truly do not see where this is going.

I mean, what am i doing? and where am i to go, when i dont see my future laid out like a yellow brick road. I joke about needing sunglasses because my future is that bright, but im blinded by the fact that i truly have no idea, where i am, let alone whats coming next.

Some days, i block out my past, by creating a swirling ball of white nothing, and feed my thoughts, my life, my worst times into the light so i dont have to twitch and cringe as my mistakes flash before my sight. It is difficult to live with such regret, and can i keep going.

I mean, it feels like fire through my brain when some of my best memories are those i have when i am alone. because when i am around others, no matter who they are, i hate what i do, what i have said and what my next move will be.

Some days, i feel like falling into the sun, and burn to a crisp. To see my pale bones char and flash into ashes because i hate who i have become. i want to escape the world, if just for a time, to stop existing but not to die. its a break of sorts from having to think, for all else i see, hear, smell, taste is to much and pushes me to the brink.

Some days, i have to whisper my own sweet nothings, to myself, knowing of course that no one else will. its not that everyone hates me, but i dont know its true, that for want of a companion my loneliness grew. It seems no ones approaches for reasons i do not know, i do my absolute best to make others smile and that seems to channel a raging torrent of, you’re not worth my time.

I mean, i truly despise the opinions of others and loathe that i care what they think. It doesnt make sense that they have so much weight, so much say, in how i view myself. i know its not right, and i know that its wrong, but i cannot stop myself no matter what.


Some days, i am my own person i tell myself, but i know its a lie, im itty bitty pieces of every other guy, and girl. traits and mannerism i admire, ive tried to replicate, a chameleon uncomfortable in their own skin, itching and scratching and doing their “best”.

I mean, its not my best, that i know for truth. what is my best? do i or will i ever know? probably not, for since the beginning of memory ive imitated and copied and imprinted personality parts, i havent been my own person for a very long time.

Some days. I wish it were not so frequent. Some days. I wish for silence. From my Thoughts. From my Feelings. From the boisterous noise that is life. I need to stop and i need to sleep. I just need to know i havent fallen in too deep. There may come a day where i do see the light, when my futures ember bursts into bright white.

But for now i know that tomorrow when i wake, ill look in the mirror and stare and say ‘you know what...today is okay’

i dont know what im doing
what im doing with myself
my future
my life
i dont know where i want to go
to uni
to work
to another planet
i dont who i am anymore
who i used to be
who i am
who i wish to be
i dont know how i feel
about me
about you
about my friends or family
i dont know what to do
i just dont know
i cant explain it any further
im at a dead end
i dont know whether
im depressed
just sad
or struggling
i dont know what to feel or how
i dont understand what is happening to me
maybe ive just been so busy or distracted by my work and home that i forgot to check in with how im doing
it feels like
im lost
im gone
im indifferent
i wish i was indifferent
i wish i didnt have to feel
or not feel
i just...
i dont know

curiosity, best left caged, away from those who regard ignorance as safe
rattle rattle, went the window, shake shake, went the walls
fear, works best when wild, filling those ignorant minds
smash & crash, the furniture flew through the room
thrum thrum, the harp pickes up a tune
as the chandelier fell on the unsuspecting child

Mourning, sorrow and loss, running rings and loops inside
your mind filled with a deep sadness over the one you lost
long ago when the crystal strained & the metal cracked into pieces
as your own peaceful world was torn apart and strewn across the cosmos

Down in the dumps, longing for freedom from your dark rotting treasure
hidden from view, from sight & smell, locked tight in an airless box
as suffocating as plastic wrap, wrapped around your face, mouth & nose
asphyxiating, deadening, slowly wasting away as the world keeps turning

a pill? frowns from the dead. a noose? frowns from the deceased
confusion and longing for the feather, for the end of emotion
less the love of the young ones past, more may emotion live
with no path, no sight, no air. locked in a box out of sight...

mindless

overused words are thrown about
and meaningless phrases tossed out.
such words like love & hate
pour forth from silver tongues

emotionless communication
by yellow bellied snakes and
their cowardice is apparent
once faced by a parent,  trusted and loyal

manners, such as courtesy, honesty, loyalty, friendship & honour
all are firmly buried in the past
with no hope of ressurrection

meaningless words aren't worth mentioning
mentioning meaningless words is
a meaningless way of communication
all this is a way to twist the world to ones perspective.

perspectives are a preview of our own opinion
our opinion is an overview of our closeguarded secects
with secrets comes a responsibility to uphold secret subjects
our lives are subject to the whims of our leaders perspectives.

My emotions are frozen, in a block of stone
untouched by time, or people filled with hate
Love, hope, joy, rage, sadness, faith, kindness
None of these are at my command, forever lost

Out of sync with my feelings, no way to get back
hopeless, loveless, unable to feel anything
Im sick of these missing emotions
even though i know no different

I cant stand this emptiness inside my heart
i cant love anyone, no feelings come forth
when i think i love someone, they leave, and im the same
untouched by their absence, indifferent to the pain

Over this gaping wound, this slit wrist, a noose hanging
Pills spilled across the sink, a bottle of poison lays empty
I feel nothing over my absence, no emotions bubble forth
until im on the floor, covered in red, laying in blood....

fear.

I flood of memories race through me
reminding me of my foolish behaviour
A wave of agony rushed over me
bringing me from my drunken stupor

I remember a night, filled with bad decisions
I lust after someone i shouldnt have
and we kissed, i kissed him and he kissed me
but he still finds hes straight, what folly

But i pushed him into it, without a word uttered
he lent in and so did i, until we were locked together
At the lips is where we met, something i doubt ill forget
An amazing kiss and a bottle of wine later

He had to leave and i was upset, happy about the kiss
He will regret his decision to lean, to kiss and hold
His actions were strong, drunken and bold
He needed a release and there i was, right in front

With this being said he lent in first, yet i went along
as if i didnt know better, granted we were drunk
and out of our minds, it doesnt matter, im filled with shame
I dont regret kissing him, i merely regret meeting him

It was a mistake on his part and mine
Hes not okay with it, but me, im fine
i will make it up to him if only i can,
in 3 more days we'll be kissing again

I am someone though a stranger to you. I’ve got no self-control
I’m sick of the **** and of the pain, crying myself to sleep each night
My days of worry and terrifying nights of fear, what about not knowing if I’ll wake up?
How would you feel, if you knew that tomorrow, you might not get out of bed?
You’d feel wretched; you would cry and break down on a daily basis, wouldn’t you…

I shouldn’t care, I know that much, I shouldn’t cry over these little things
But it does get to me, it does hurt, wait, I’ve decided I won’t put up with this ****
I’ve got no self-control, don’t mess with me, I’m a scary person don’t anger me, a modern Hulk
Fangs and claws, ripping my soul and mind to shreds, changing me into another person
Someone none but you know, he did, but he lost me and I have you, calm me please….

See these marks, these hideous marks; you caused this monstrosity, now it’s a constant reminder
Memories of horror, you created me as I am, you hurt me that deeply, and I took a knife to my flesh
A searing hot burn, a blistering, all because you couldn’t stand me, you didn’t want to be alone
You did this to me, you did it all, you made me fall so far, you attention seeker, but I don’t hate you…
I thank you for this, your fault not mine for creating me as I am, I can now hurt you, with no guilt
Now dear child, reap what you sow, bear this burden, and suffer the consequences of your actions

With everything how it is, as it is
Now it is how you wanted it to be
I'm at a loss as to what my choices are
A creation of unnessasary confusion
Over an unimportant arguement

With nowhere to go, neither forward
Nor backwards is the right way to go
A broken relation, deflated elation
My shattered hope, crushed beneath
Your petty ego, with your spiteful persona

Keep it up you deceptive wicked witch
You won't get very far, with sizable anger
I'll scream in your face, till blue rains down
Everything is ruined, you still wear your rusted crown
It will fall and so will you, neither king nor queen

By your side, hateful glares force me away
Outside the wind blows cold, colder than
Your frozen, frosted heart, icy mists drift
A sharp nail, with a tear and rip, red flows
Freely I breathe, but only now does it count

Our now fragmented family, lies in ruins
A small hammer is all that it'll take
To fix this broken phase, an opposite
Not doing its job, breaking down the walls
Rubble underfoot, crushed harshly like

Icy dry wastes, with cracked bergs
And freezing lies, cold winds blow
No protection from your frozen fury
Nothing to do now but cease and desist
Honest to god, nothing is worth it anymore

While The World Is Turning
I Am Learning
To Be A Better Man

While The Sun Is Bright
I Am Right
On My Way To Greatness

While The Ocean Is Flowing
I Am Owing
My Family My Life

A Man With Broken Wings
Yet A Classical Smile
Splashing, And Crashing
Dancing All The While

A Long Lasting Toot
And Bright Golden Peach
Seeing The Future
Its Just In My Reach

With A Snazzle And Clang
Looking Upon Sunrise
Magical Colours
With A Fatal Surprise

A Lick Of Blue Flame
And A Sparkle Of Gold
The Man Disappears
Face Bright And Bold.

Incandescent Flame, Rope Burning Through
Tightened Noose, Tears Dripping Down
Bottled Death, Child Lock Undone
Thin Metal, Racing Over Flesh

With These Words Written, The Child Lets Go
Of His Life, To End It Is a Tragedy
Such A Bright Future, If Only He Had Seen It
He Might Not Have Ended It All, If Only

He Bled Night And Day, High From Pills
His Only Way Of Escape, Was Poisoning His Body
Pumped Full Of Drugs, He Stumbled Into The Night
With A Dizzied Mind, And A Cough In His Throat

He Grabbed The Noose, And Tied It Tight
Placed It Over His Head, As Tears Fell To The Ground
One Last Puff Of His Cigarette, Before Dropping It To The Floor
He Breathed Out The Smoke, Then Fell Forward.

An Explosion Of Bad Choices, Of Reckless Thoughts
Stem From My Own Disregard to My Own Safety
My Inability To Think To The Future, To Understand
That My Decsions Affect Things Completely Unrelated

A Life Left In Ruins, Another Crumbling To Nothing
Breaking Down The Supports Of My Friends Lives
Accidental, Inconsiderate, Thoughtlessness. Stupid.
Ruination Follows In My Wake, Ripping Apart
Everything That Was Built For Me, Burning.

To Think I Break And Burn My Bridges
Is A Folly To Behold, To Think I'd Leave Myself
Defenceless, With Nothing TO Live On, With.
Instead I Loosen Bolts, Nuts And Screws, Every Now
And Then, If A Bridge Is To Be Lost, One Bolt Is All It Takes.

Time To Meet My Seven Other Selves...

With Me, Everything Is Happy, Joyful And Fun
But, Then Again, Me? Not The Only One
There Are More Than Me, There's Myself
Myself? Not Such A Happy Chappy

Myself Is A Depressed, Sad, Sorry Excuse For Split Personality
There Is Also Him, Him Thinks Logically, And Has Not One Other Emotion
Him, Is Deadly Cold, Not Meaning To Be, Its Just How Him Works
And What About He, He Is Very Violent, Angry, Full Of Ferocious Rage
He Isn't Angry At Any Particular Thing, He Is Kind Of Just Angry At Everything

Have You Heard Of Mr, Mr Is Alittle Different, Just Alot Crazy, Inverted And Insane
Mr's Thought Patterns Are What You Wouldn't Call Sane, He Is Unusual
Mr Should Be In A Mental Institute, If Only, Mr Is At Odds With Him, The Logical Thinker
And Best Buddies With Mister, Mister Is A Kind, Caring, Down To Earth, Lovely Personality
Mister Makes Everyone Feel Wanted, Mister Makes People Feel Special, Wanted.

Now Master, Not Exactly Happy, Nor Sad, Nor Angry, Logical, Insane, Or Kind.
Master Is Kind Of A Meeting Ground For All The Other Personalities. A Mixture Of Them All
But At The Same Time, None Of Them, I Guess Master Is The Most Normal Of The Seven
The Common Controller. It Takes Alot To Bring The Others Out, Except Mr, Mr Shows As Much As Master

So Now You Know, Do You Think I Need Help.
Master Doesn't, Mister Does, Mr Doesn't Want To, He Is Angry At The Mere Suggestion Of It, Him Thinks It's The Logical Thing To Do, Myself Is Too Sad To Do Anything, And Me Is Too Happy To Need Help.

Not One Of Them Asked I, The One Who Sits Back Watching The Other Seven, Never In Control, But Always Watching.

Do I Want Help??

Do I??

Come Here Dear, Let Me Tell You The Story, From Whence You Came
Years Ago, They Met, Love at First Sight, Hug And Kisses, Cuddles And More
Night After Night, Day After Day, Love Filled Nights, Hate Filled Days

Hospitals And Test, Tears Did Fall, But Wait Child There Is More
Blood Was Taken, Hormones Rose, Friendships Shattered, So Much More
Counsellors Did Talk, At, Not Too, Weeping At Night, Hugs Were Few

She Has A Friend, Queer As Can Be, He Loved Her Alot, Together She's Free
He Wanted To Make Her Laugh, Thoughts Were Heavy, She Needed To ****
So I Thought To My Self, What My Own Talents Were, And I Wrote These, I Concur

Black Versing White
Pale Marble, Veined With Gold, Beauty & Light
Smoky Onyx, Pulsing Charcoal, Ash & Soot
Battling Since The Beginning Of Time
Good Verse Evil, Yin & Yang, Light & Dark

Battling, Time With Out End
Shown In A Million Ways
Woman Verse Man, Black Verse White, Heaven & Hell
Always Seeing Things Either Good Or Bad, Black Or White

Then There Is Gray, Neither Good Nor Bad, Neither Chaos Nor Order
Named By Many Names, Limbo, In-Between, Plane Of Spirits, Neutral
Not Good, Not Order, Not Heaven, Not Bad, Not Chaos, Not Hell
Gray, See The World In Many Shades Of Limbo, Black, White & Gray

This Is Something That Has Long Been Coming
It Had Too Have Happened Eventually
This Is Not Something You Can Stop
It Has Too Come Out Or Else

Anger, Vibrant, Sharp And Harsh
Sadness, Slow, Liquid And Flat
Pain, Bright, Acute And Rough
Joy, Brilliant, Soft And Smooth

The Insanity I Feel, The Craziness Of My Days
The Pressure Of The World, Onto My Weak Shoulders
Buckling Under The Weight Of The Mountain
I Only Wish For The Feather, To Shift Only The Feather

Writing Is A Way Of Release, A World Away From Reality
Shifting Thought, Spilt Blood On The Yellowed Pages
Browned, Once Red, The Reek Of Copper, The Taste Of Fear
Blazing And Flaring, Shining Bright, Shadowed Door

Duty, Heavier Than A Mountain. Death, Lighter Than A Feather
Duty, The Duty To Care For Those In "Need", Helping Those Who Ask
No Matter To My Own Thoughts, On These Yellow Pages, Red On White
Ask Me For Help, And Thou Shalt Receive, It Is My Nature, To Help Those in "Need"

My Mountain Feels Heavy, So Very Heavy, My Shoulders Straining With The Weight
Burning Migraine, Weeks Now, Many Long Arduous Weeks, But Will I Stop?
No I Will Not Put Down The Mountain, It Is There Forever More, Though All I Wish
Is Too Shift That Deadly Feather, Let This White, Shining Feather Fall From My Broken Shoulders

I Sketch This Mountain, Upon My Yellowing Pages, Years Of Pages, All Yellowed With Age, Written Agony
Don't Burn These Pages, Don't Rip These Words, These Thoughts Are My Legacy, My Own Memoirs
Not Much Joy, A Small Amount, That Will Grow To Be Crushed Underfoot But Those I Have Loved, Love, And Will Love
Crushed Heart And Soul, My Spirit Bearing A Mountain, With A Feather On Top, The Waiting, The Impatience, The Feather Quivers

Vastly Different Plain
Melting In The Rain
Bitter Sweet Tears
Finally My Vision Clears

To See My Pain And Destruction
What Has Been Created
By My Own Selfish Foolishness
Sour Taste Coating Thy Tongue

Don't Touch My Vaulted Heart
Locked Tight, From The Start
Unlocked To Be Destroyed
Locked In Diamond, Now Moored

Shut Away Out Of Sight
To Ignore The Vicious Blight
Lighted By The Darkness
Shadowed By The Bleakness

Arachnids, Spiders, Creepy Crawlies
Bite, Bite Venoms, Fast Pulse
Fear, Agony, Spinning Web
Eight Glassy Black Eyes

Evil Creature, Monstrous Insect
Crush, Squash, No Guilt
Evil, Horror, Bad Thing
**** Them, Destroy, Fear

Shining Silver Thread
Created From Nothing
Spun Around A Post
Horribly Sticky

Horror In My Eyes
Fear And Panic
Death To The Arachnids
Bad Spider, Fear.

Arachnaphobia
Horrible, Heart Stopping
Sweaty Palms, Panicked Scream
Spiders, Fear, Arachnids

I Used To Use Blades, I Used To Have Blades Of Three
Blades To Bleed, Blades To Hurt, Agony, Fiery Pain
They Were My Life, In My Dreams, I Screamed A Plea
Nothing Was Happy, No Sunshine, Only Drizzling Rain

There Was Not Future For Me, Nothing, No Hope
It Hurt To Wake Up, It Burnt In The Shower
I Thought I Would Live In The Hospital
No Life To Live, No One To Love Me In Return

Then It Stopped, Bad Thoughts Vanished
Banished From My Mind, All I Could Think Of Was Him
His Name Was And Is Blade, Not My Blades Of Three
But A Bright Shining Light In The Dark, Hopeful

His Name Is Blade, Mister Manders To Me
My Love, My Life, My Hope, My Future
Warmth, Light, Beauty, He Is Mine
And I Am His, He Is My Saviour From The Darkness

Love Is Not Everything
But Love Is Not Nothing
Love Is Something
But It Isnt Something We Can Percieve

Its Insubstantial, We Can't Touch It
We Cant See It, Or Smell It
We Cant Hear Love, There Is Only One Way
To Percieve Love, We Must Feel It

Some Think They Might Feel Love
Some May Think They Have Been In Love
But Love Is Something You Will Feel Very Rarely
Love Is Putting Someone Else's Happiness Before Your Own

Love Is Wanting Nothing More Than That One Person
Love Is Doing Anything You Can To Save That Person
Love Is Something A Very Small Percentage Of People Feel
It Is Very Rare, Rarer Than Diamonds, Rarer Than Anything Possible.

I May, Or May Not Be In Love, But I Love Him
It May Not Be Pure, But I Love Him
He May Not Love Me, But I Love Him
It Might End Quickly, But I Do Love Him

He Is Always On My Mind
Rushing Through My Thoughts
All I Can Think About Is Him
And I Do Love Him...

My Heart, Flint, Ice, Dark Black Stone
Twisted Heart, Beating, Burnt And Dead
Shattered, And Lost, My Heart Of Bone
Soon To Fall To Pieces, Frail, No Heart

One Shining Light, Golden And Green
Kind Heart, Beautiful, Stunning
Perfection, Happiness, Heart Skips A Beat
Heart Racing, Faster And Faster, Only One Look

Staring Into Each Others Eyes, Lost In The Depths
Hands Clasped Together, Thumbs Brushing
Heart Starts, Restarts And Beats, Working After So Long
Heart Of Living Stone, Restarted, And Loving Someone Dear

Older Man, Laughing Yet
Big Neo Dogs, Nice To Pet
Adrenaline Rush, Nasty Yet
Fun To Have, We Must Get

Wicca Witch, Twins Separate
Contradiction, Va. Va. Met
Sleepy Now, Cast A Hex
Punch A Wall, Now The Vet

Budda Belly, Go Thai Chi
Woven Wood, Living Tree
Melody Play, God's Own Green
Moving Mouth, Past Unseen

Wise Man, Advice To Give
Fun Days, Life To Live
Many Friends, Happy Hands
Huge Heart, Other Lands

Bright Lit Anguish, Swirling Smoke
Hand Of Terror, Crushing Throat
Ceramic Vase, Grasp and Smash
Bleeding Skull, One Last Clash

Hate By Love, Burning Dark
Frozen Sun, My Nightly Spark
Flashing Blades, Sequinned Steel
Frightened Stare, Can't Be Real

Thy Black and Blue Spider Heart
Full of Something Cruel and Dark
Entwining Fate, My Burning Lark
Living Life, Thy Spider Heart

Paranoia, Frighten, Crowds, Petrified
I Can't Deal, I Cannot Cope, Frozen In Place
Moving Through, Crowds Of Many, No Method
No Order, Push, Shove, Bump Me, Help

Someone Help Me, This Crowd, Suffocate
Sweaty Palms, Drip Drip, Where Am I
Why Am I Here, Why Leave the House
What Am I Doing, No Safety, Where's Home

Someone Save Me, I Need To Escape
Breathe Breath, Remember To Breathe
I Need A Way Out, Anxiety Attack
Bad Choices, Don't Move, No Hope

I Can Not Do This, I Must Leave
I Need Out, Looks Of Judgement
Musn't Do This Again, HELP HELP!
Petrified, Crowds, Frighten, Paranoia

I live at home, im underage, i hate this house, its filled with bad memories
I share a room, with a younger brother, its ***** alot, this place is horrible
This house is filled, with so many rule, i cant breathe, without breaking one
I bound and restricted from everything i love, i cant do anything, that makes me smile
Leaving the house is considered a crime, do dishes is a must, i do everything
I need to get out, to get away from this place, i need to do something self destructive to cope with this hole
I need to see someone about my problems, i hate it, i wish i could leave, if i dont i might scream
This house is white, so much white, white walls, white floors, white halls, nothing matches
its filled with bad memories, it hate this house, im underage, I live at home.

Her: The War Inside My Head

Him: Beating At My Thoughts

Her: Bleeding Through My Eyes
Her: Piercing Skin, Jagged Nails
Her: Anxiety Attack, Anxiety Attack

Him: Don't Worry, Im Here

Her: I'm Not, I'm Dead

The Burning Flame
Cool Orbit Stone
Lapping Calm Life
Twisting Fury Crone

Brilliant Power Light
Liquid Fiery Blood
Cold Winter Chunk
Destructive Virus Death

I Hate Alot About Myself
There Is Alot To Hate
Im A Really Bad Person
Looks, Thoughts, Not So Great.

I Hate My Body
Its Not Defined
Its Not Muscled
Completely Unrefined.

I Hate My Pale Skin
Its As Gross As Can Be
Its Disgusting To Look At
Its Disgusting To See

My Mind Is Full Of Really Horrible Things
Dark And Rotten, Cold And Cruel
Mental Problems Galore, ****** I Say
Seven Splits Along My Mind, Dark Black Day

******, Gross, Disgusting, Dark
Cold, Cruel, Black, Rotten
Many Adjectives To Put To Me
All Bad I Think, Please **** Me.

Hanging In The Sky
Bright White Rock
Pushing The Tides
Reflecting The Sun

Push And Pull
Bright Blue Rock
Rarest Of All
Once In A Life Time

****** Nightmare
Bright Red Rock
Deadly Bad Luck
Demon Ritual

Opposites Attract, Fiery Water
Black To White, Opposites Moving
Opposites Hatred, Good And Evil
Yin And Yang, Working Together

Scream And Yell, Shouting All About
She Demands Everything, Yet Gives Nothing
What She Wants, She Must Get, Or Else
Fly Low, Stay Away, Keep On Rebuffing.

Stabbing Pain, Agony, Throbbing
Loud Noises, Burning, Broken
Pins In My Head, Needles In My Mind
Destruction, Of The Most Painful Kind

Shuddering, sweat dripping and sliding down the nape of my neck
Terror, fear blazing in my eyes, hands shaking.
Pages fall, gasping for breath, scrambling to compose
Tripping and falling, hands clutching crumpled papers

Burning red, heat flushes, more sweat, dampened hands, slick palms
Embarrassment, a stabbing in my gut, like a burning knife
Flickering eyes, trying to look for some way out, walls closing in
Composure, Composure, Concentrate, Think, THINK

Gasp.

Life Is A Swamp Of Emotions
Love Entwined With Hate
Happiness Twisting Around Depression
An Endless Muddle Of Feelings

To Pull Them Apart
To Feel Them Separately
An Impossible Task
For Those Of Us Whole Feel

Human Are Bound To Their Feelings
Unable To Make Decisions Without
They Control Our Lives
We Are What We Feel

An Endless Quagmire
Unable To Traverse
Moved By Our Emotions
Slaves To Our Feelings

More Than Gorgeous
Deep Brown Eyes
Smooth Tanned Skin
To Just Summarise

She Needs A Hug
She Needs A Kiss
She Needs A Lot
Let's Go Get ******

Green Goblin Grass
Glass And Jewels
She Need Some Fun
Let's Get A Pool

She's Almost Perfect
A Sight To See
Pain To Numb
Filled With Glee

What Colour Do We Need
Deliberately For You
Your Own Paint Job
This House Is Yours

L x W For Each Wall
Draw Your Picture
Your Own Diagram
Don't Paint The Doors

The First Five People
A Fredo For You
Your Lucky Day
The Dimensions Are There

How To Get It Back
Leave Out The Windows
Windows Are There
Don't Paint The Windows

Just The Four Walls
Three One Hundred
Five Eight Hundred
Height Of The Ceiling

Growing And Yearning
Reaching For The Sky
Poison Of The Heart
Dripping Towards The White

Green And Pale
Shining Red White
Unknown Thoughts
Pains Of The Soul

Growing Forever Higher
Life And Light
Heat And Dust
Death In The Valley

Haunted Mind
7 Separate Voices
Screaming, Scratching
Broken And Shattered

Insanity, Deranged, Mayhem, Chaos
Most Practical In A Fractured Mind
Broken, Shattered, Unreliable Thoughts
Poisoned Ideas, Potent Aura.
Insanity Is Freedom Of The Best Kind.

The Fire In My Hand
The Warm Orange Glow
Heat Coursing Though My Palm
Singeing, Small Black Smears

Ash Fills My Lungs
Swirling Acid Smoke
Coughing Up Blood
Stinging My Eyes

Clear Glass Bowl
Filled With Past Ashes
Still Smoke Drifting From the Centre
Resting White Paper Slowly Burning

Poison Filled Lungs
Blistering Skin
Scent Of Death
Hovering Closer and Closer

Baby Bird, Baby Bird
It's Time To Leave The Nest
Baby Bird Baby Bird
You Really Need Your Rest

Little Bird Little Bird
It's Time To Spread Your Wings
Little Bird Little Bird
You Won't Know Times Passing

Ancient Bird Ancient Bird
It's Time To Say Good Bye
Ancient Bird Ancient Bird
Let's Sing This Lullabye

****, Over, Covered
*****, Full, Complete
Unclean World, Covered in ****
Clean, Needed, Appropriate
Burn it Down, Start Anew

Love and Lust, Burning in Acid
Mind Burnt, Heart Stopped
Pounding Beat, Flowing Freely
Pain and Agony, Burning in Acid

Pain and Jealousy, Great Green Forest
Envy and Anger, Bleeding Red Rose
Panic and Fear, Ash Filled World
Vengence and Sorrow, Oceanic Blue Ice

Forever bonded, blue dark ocean
nothing can compare, icy embrace
sweet salty lips, carress mine
fine white, deep sea dive
lost forever, bonded and lost
wet eyes, soaked to the bone
rotting ship, netted trap
pull me under, take away the pain
Love unbidden, not unwanted
Ocean blood, love unrequited
smooth sensation, unforgivable
I love you, my dear sea god
Green ocean blue, lips of salt
Kiss and carress, love and lust
forever bonded, blue dark ocean.

The Heart in One’s Hand
A Powerful Tool of Control
Lies and Deceit
Tearing at the Soul

It has the Reins
Complete Control
Over the Mind
Over the Soul

People Ask Why
It Hurts so Much
Pain of the Heart
Forever Untouched