victrola
the needle spins
on my records.
the cleanest sound
produced from it.
the sounds
echo throughout
my room.
my jazz music
ringing in my ears.
my tears fall with the beat
it spins
and spins
and spins the sounds.
the music chimes
not even a scratch on the records,
but it plays as if it was the first time.
i love the sounds on my
victrola.

let me charm you
with my words
let my vocabulary
wrap around
your beautiful mind.
from every description
of imagery
to my sorrows and worries,
let me charm you
with my words.
ill paint you a picture
in your head
with just words
that you read.
charmer of words,
that i am,
let me feed your lack
of creativity and drive.
let me not only charm you,
but your mind.

what turned us from strangers
into lovers?
what made you decide
i was the one for you?
how did this
all work out in the end?
what made you
choose me over her?
why do you trust me
enough to love me?
am i the only one
you can love completely?
how did you
accept my flaws?

why did you choose me?

i am fine.
another lie!
you ask me how i’m doing,
but fine is all i say.
i don’t realize my struggle
i don’t realize my pain
i let these words bury
i let these feelings hide away.
i’ve never been “fine”
my emotions have been stronger.
i’ve cried and felt depressed,
i’ve laughed until i couldn’t breathe,
i’ve fell in love and out of it too.
it’s mysterious how i can brush it off
tell a lie to hide it more,
nobody realizes, nobody notices,
except me.
i can not recognize this pain
until it’s too late.
lying does me no good,
when all i am doing,
is lying to myself.