On my seventeenth birthday

I left talcum footprints

On the stairs

As my feet padded around

the house.

-

I woke up late to no buzzing phone

And a birthday cake

hidden under

the bathroom sink

-

I spent the day weightless

but as evening came

my body turned to

heavy lead

-

I was poison

amongst the lively

asian men

and women

that planted food

on my table

that I made toxic

-

I knew now

that my fate was sealed

in the gold wall decals,

the birds that never sang

The room was icy

and my hands were frozen stiff,

I curled my little fingers

into my palms and looked at you

-

Your eyes were like those marbles

that I used to skip along the ground

in school

And all the girls would fight over

who got the biggest, prettiest marble

-

I wonder if they fight over your eyes too

draw pictures on my tongue with your fingertips
and they taste like salt,

you are from the ocean
I could drown myself behind your house
or I could imagine
where else your hands have been.