poet
you sit down
smashing the keys
it's all very important,right?
yes, it's all very important
all voices must be heard
all thoughts must be captured
what's another word for...?
i wonder what it'd be like to...?
what was her name...
brushing your hair in the mirror
falling past a thousand thoughts
not seeing that you are completly
gone
to where?
take me to the desert
and set me on fire

I said "****! That's probably why I haven't been laid in almost two years!"
And the guys at work laughed
Then the small long dark haired girl
Popped her smooth brown face from
Around a corner
She heard everything
"Wha? You'll find  somebody, I believe everybody has a soul mate out there. And your...a smart guy, you'll find somebody."
I thought about how much optimistic
Or
Just plain ignorant people
Really seemed to disturb me
Then she said
"My best friend use to be with all these guys in high school and I could never find a guy and I was jealous then when I found my fiance she got dumped and was alone for six years and we were like oh my god thats so weird and it's funny me and her didn't like each other when we first met but then one time...."
And I stood there nodding
And terrified
And I remembered why I hadn't
Tried all that hard
To find a women
These last 2 years

I stood in the living room
on display, proud
proud of the shame i've become
strong, muscular, beautiful
23, wasted, dying
I watched you frown
I am the rebelious oak
i'll **** this land forever

I was thinking of a poem
About a girl I saw
With a starved face
Eyes bulging
Teeth protruding
A screaming skeleton of despair
I saw her and thought
I could love you...
But that was interrupted
By a poem about a new fondness
For sleeping pills
Numbness
I once tried to cry at night
But couldn't
And I felt like a real
******* for even trying...
I walked into the bathroom
And threw a few jabs
And right hooks
Into the mirror
I thought
I'm 5'7
145 lbs
Just like Barrera, Morales, Chavez
All the great Mexican fighters
I walked out and thought of quotes
By Fante, Sartre, something Hemingway said
I looked at all the people around me
And thought
They couldn't quote anybody
Jesus Christ!
What the hell do THEY think about?
It must be terrifying!
They don't read
They don't scream
They don't fight
They don't go on drinking binges
Where's the scars?
Where's the passion?
Where's the life?
But then I noticed
They were all smiling
Talking
Laughing
Walking
Together
I suddenly felt a massive
Heaviness
Upon me
I noticed it had been there
All along
Maybe
I've been doing it all wrong

I heard it in the dark
Waking alone on the floor
In the middle of the room
After dreaming of nothing
It sounded like it came from
A language unknown to man
Sung by the mockingbird
It was probably a term for
Something like
"The last swaying purple
Velvet flower left alive
After the extinction
Of humanity"
It sounded soothing
I felt a surrounding presence
Of warmth and elegance
It felt like you were lying
Beside me
Wanting to be held
By my arms
It felt like
I was never alone