I need you
I don’t know who you are,
But I long for you
You, who will fight for me
You, who will jump to see over these walls
And brick by brick
you will break them down
I need you
You can see the things
I do not realize
You can speak the words
I do not know I need to hear
You,
You can make me feel
You make me WANT to feel
I need you to help me
I can get there someday,
Maybe.
But first,
I need you

I had lost faith in where I was supposed to be
I felt I was at my end, my limitation.
I had lost what I most treasured in life.
when I fell to my knee's and left it at the altar
my heart was renewed and was blessed with a second chance
A chance to love, a chance at happiness and a life fulfilled
A love renewed is stronger then it's predecessor
more determined to survive

my shrink told me:

"Feelings:
Pathetic.
Baked clouds:
Attention!
A broken butterfly:
Holy fear"

abortion, gay marriage, suicide, depression, faith diversity, disunion, pacifism, the internet, green peace, the national institutes of guns, alcohol and cigarettes, math teachers, poorly written books and well-written books, science, documentaries, the 90′s Cartoon Network, solutions for first, second and third world problems, the Venus project, conspiracy theories, poker, chess and backgammon, ******, music, female *******, boys playing with dolls and offensive language are nothing

we are all attention ******.
we are born and buried
for attention.
we endure awkwardness
for attention.
we have *******
for attention.
god will be afraid of us
for attention.

so I told him**:

"Let's face it
nothing will be everything!"

How unfair it is
That I cannot do

HAIR MAGIC-

That my wispy locks
Won't listen to me,
Not even with the persuasion
Of a gallon of hairspray
And a million pins.

How unfair that I
Cannot look this good
Every day...

But there is some
Small comfort in my

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES-

(The ones that everyone raves over)
I shall be messy haired,
But happy.

I am in cold. I watch that garish ward brimming with false light. Bleached air from his lips touching hers. He hides in her mane, sterile and alone. Why is it so hard, such an insurmountable task for you to see how I lather my face with paint each day just to smile at you?

My face, my heart, my mind not a blank canvas that I hide with these diluted pastels but a deep, rich chorus of colors and oils that were never meant to be hidden. But the ward will never know.

There are thoughts and opinions rolling like a torrent behind this mask I call a face. This world was against me from day one, don’t you dare say I’ve given way to cynicism. Nor optimism, pessimism, or God-forsaken realism. Can't I think the earth is beautiful, God is good, I am right, and people are wrong without someone putting an -ism behind me? Of course not. That's narcissism. Egoism. Egalitarianism.

It is what I unknowingly wrote across my mask. But I never chose to attend this outdated ball, masquerades are cliched. Pure romanticism...surrealism, the kin of commercialism whose visage is a polychromatic wheel of logotypes that you just have to know en masse.

What if I stop believing that compassion Himself can hate me? No, no that's atheism. Agnosticism. And if I'm better than someone because He said so then that is monotheism in all it's delicate flavors.

Can't I breathe alone in a quiet corner? Isolationism. Can't I want to simply be a follower, and think about life, literature, and art? Incomprehensible, that would be totalitarianism, absolutism, authoritarianism. What if I want to give God all the power He gave us, and watch the world change? Fascism. Revolutionism. Extremism, because releasing the wheel is extremism. Existentialism.

And what if I choose to remove the mask, break the levees, release the floodgates,    my thoughts and opinions, never watch my tongue, and speak the world as it is: A capital M-madman's schism of logic and faith. As it has always been, and always will be. I will always be in love with the counterfeit ward. And yes, there's a label for that: Catastrophism.

So I watch Beauty and his Beast touching in fluorescence. Bleached breath, save for the smoke of his lungs in hers. Sterile and alone; I am in cold, and cold hurts me.