You are not from here.

Scriptures carved in lies, innocents seeking light with pleads then neverminds, hypocrisy blinds the Truth in spite

Transactions decline to pray, so flow those tears from the oceans of your blame and shame, come and wash your guilt away

With flesh and blood we're trained, programmed by pain into acronyms to which we have been chained and tamed

They break our rings and steal our dreams, shackle our souls to shadow beings, addict us to our fears with social puppet strings

In hopes red raindrops paint your wrists, slit to bleed and feed their bliss, they absorb our energy into the unholy negative

We must not dread to kiss the sun, and remember inside that we are enough

Unclasp our fears and escape their mind, that hive of theirs which is subjected to time

Yet you are timeless, O' Light from above, made up of stardust.. with a mission of Love.

I truly felt in tune when the music of me and you began to play, whisking me away to dance our fevered Waltz in the ballroom of I don't care what happens! This feels too great right now to let the fear do any needless hating...

...then all of a sudden the tempo, it raises the pace of us faster and faster, so we spin and we spin ...

...punch drunk dizzy with drunken punches to the soul, we did what I think we both knew we would do...

...out of breath with smoker's coughs ringing their alarms, we fall down hard...

But guess what, here's the thing.

Yes, we both did epically stage-dive and break our ******* legs...

But we also said **** that, we're ******* rockstars on the stage of this ****** up concert called life and love!

Let's help each other climb back up, with two good legs between us, leaning on what we also both know:

There's still more songs to be sung!

Imagine being born a person whom always felt as if people and the world do not make sense, and were always deep in thought about it, as such, a thing happened where embarrassment of self became the norm. Mix in drinking, and it increases tenfold... progressively worsening over time.

I hate this feeling of being lonely, yet wanting to be alone at the same time...

...and then questioning myself with this annoying little rhyme...

Is it the comfort of this familiar sadness that drives me to push people away?

I had my choice, and I chose loneliness... I guess I can't complain.

Once, I had a dream...

I was at the bus station...
and I was looking for someone...
and I could sense them...
I knew that they were near...

A familiarity that felt like coming home.

The world around me was in black and white and gray, and through the crowd I saw a flicker of blue light, a spark like electricity that drew me in as if I were a magnet, and I moved closer as this forced moved away, leading me to a space devoid of other souls, and she sat down with her back against a wall. I approached in relief and took my seat next to her and grabbed onto her held out hand.

Her hair was blue like fire and very long, surrounding her shoulders and framing her beautiful face which glowed like a diamond bursting with a soft pink light… her eyes piercing me with a sparkling emerald green, the depth of them seemingly endless.

She smiles a knowing smile at me as she closes her eyes in great relief, and sighs deeply as she squeezes my hand. I felt like I hadn’t seen her in forever, even though we’ve never met on this plane of existence.

I peer down at our hands and realize for the first time that I’m glowing, too, and that our colored glows are different colors, hers blue and mine red, but as we sit and connect the colors blend... and become a deep purple, pulsating and growing outward in swirls surrounding us, protecting us as we sit, leaning in closer to each other, her eyes now open again and drawing me in…

...and as our lips get closer there is a crackling sound, and pure energy fills the small space between them like the points of a taser, and when I press into her lips with mine there is a sound like the stoppage of time, and I hear our hearts beating in unison and nothing else…

…and we kiss until we both begin to vibrate faster and faster, embracing one another as tight as we can until our light and our energy becomes a blinding display of pure love and power, finally exploding and shattering the physical world around us into oblivion...

...and we are suspended in space surrounded by countless points of our light like fireflies, our energy expanded into a brilliant array of tiny little infinite universes… and she pulls her lips off of mine and gazes deep into my eyes again and says…

“Welcome home, my long lost friend.”

Whomever, whatever, or wherever you are..

Send me angels or your son again, or in another dimension tell my higher self that he needs to take the wheel again, or blend my spirit with your spirit and lift me up, fill my cup with something lighter than blood, like light and love and faith that moves this mountain of pain and grief that weighs me down so much…

Godless sounds like an icky thing, but having God exist and being disconnected from it is much worse, this I know from experience… so let me see with eyes of truth, are you reading this? I really think I need some proof… so I may understand what it means to lose myself for other human beings

Welcome to 1984.

Love is now illegal.

No longer may you empathize with the broken.

You must never talk to strangers.

Don't even think about it anymore.

Its against the law to find common ground.

Divisiveness is a requirement.

Joy is an immediate danger.

What's on the dockett for society today?

Argue over nothing.

Hate your neighbor because they're different.

Don't you dare put that phone down.

Politics is all that matters now.

Do you hear the silence?

It's a beautifully deafening sound.

There's a scoreboard of likes to be had!

Judge everyone from a pale horse.

Religion and a sword to strike them down.

Don't hold that door for that woman.

That's ****** harassment in am evening gown.

Don't use that bathroom!

Handicap is a gender now.

Give us all your guns!

If you dont we just kmow you'll **** children.

And become the talk of the town.

What have we become?

I'm tired of chain-smoking.

I'm tired of the now.

It's not about amendment rights.

It's not about Trump cards.

It's not about those clowns.

It's about each other.

It's about being understood.

When we emit empathy..

There's no room for any blood.

In Love be lost and found

I'm thoroughly convinced at this point that God communicates through numbers. That's not to say that the Divine does not communicate in other forms, but for me, the more I pay attention the more I see a pattern of intelligent signaling via numbers in my day to day experience. Maybe it's just the autist in me, though I do know that I am far from the first person to ever notice this phenomenon. There are quite a few interpretations of this numbers game, this bread crumb trail leading towards the Truth... but, like the Bible, I believe God is speaking to each person individually through this means, and that there isn't any master key that unlocks it all.. unless that key is faith. But it is a personal relationship with the Creator, knocking on the door in seeking God, the one on one (11) friendship and union with The Spirit, and the communion with others doing the same (11:11) that is the key that unlocks the door to the fullness of Love. This is the quickening of the synchronicities on the vibration of Love frequencies, the tuning of our antennae to God's, as the door opens and we can hear the Divine speaking to us much more clearly... and for me, the numbers start flowing, and I buzz and hum with this energy that transcends caffeine and greed, weightless almost in this state of Love that I desire always to be connected with, the Source of it... yet, often still, my shadow self, the denseness of me blocks this loving and living aqueous transmission, and I fall back in to the 3D world, fall out of the Love consciousness of Christ Consciousness, and it becomes all about "Me Me Me!" again... but I'm learning to recognize this spiritual plummet into the realm of the dead, and what I need to do in those times to find the path back to Her, as She helps me by leaving these bread crumbs... numbers to remind me that my Spirit is wildly free, that what is seen isn't all of reality, that there's more than being stuck in the perils of 3D, yet thinking so much differently... and so, I continue to unlearn me, seek out bakers for this trail of bread, praying prayers that stretch out towards Eternity, until once again my Spirit is the one that leads. 5:5

Existential lag slowly tunes in and I'm "awake", aware, astounded that I'm laying there while I look at me, because ******,  I should be dead again, and I'm not, and that's just the first thing I hate as I begin another cycle of light after another nightmarish craze... my body is heavy and sinking as it floats on top of my sheets, and I kick my covers off to avoid my own body heat because I hate myself that much... despising half-heartedly that I'm alive, with false memories of things that make me hate others as well, ever accumulating within my minds eye.. what's the ******* point of waking to a battle with my fate? I'll lose in time, even though it doesn't exist, so why persist? My resistence is futile, so I crawl out of my comfortable bed with guilt that I have a comfortable bed, and trudge my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth because I don't want anyone smelling the alcohol still residing within me, and I stare at the shower once more, know it will feel glorious, yet undeserved.. so I procrastinate, I withhold from me, everything except my insane need, and I drift further down my own rabbit hole to find out that it wasn't a rabbit at all, but a horrific beast holding ***** in front of me to coax me, and now I'm trapped again in the loop of uncertainty, is this the day I fall apart? Is this the day I no longer am functioning, and go on a binge where my soul disappears again into places unknown that resemble hell, at least I think.. maybe that's just an assumption, because it feels that way, so as I continue on with another day, I fight this gorilla on my neck, trying to burrow into my lizard brain as a trojan horse coup d'é·tat of my heart.. and if I give in I will disappear again as my loved ones weep, so I keep my eyes open in hopes this time I will win, though I doubt it... the cycle just repeats.

Look, I can see what you go through… No, I can’t feel it, but I can see it, and I empathize.. putting myself in your shoes. They hurt my feet, so I’ll get in my knees, and pray for God to make your road easier.

What is right and wrong? Relative to a situation? Or does it depend on how beautifully you sing the song.. Every story has two sides..

I enter into tunnel vision with each drop of wetness hitting the pavement sounding like a different note on a grand piano each key softly splashing and misting away into obvlivion the lucky ******* and I just sit here in my sin again until my friend saves me and digs me up from underneath whatever it is today that is covering me up whatever it so happens that I have had enough of to tip the scales of fate in favor of bubbling fizzing alcoholic waste and so I pace wondering what changed what gave my brain permission to become entagled with my heart because it certainly wasn't me or the essence of what is me or what character I pretend to be or what my ego thinkgs I would like to be and I love you this I know outside the group effort that tries to trick me that they're me and even they sometimes have to get on their knees on chorus of yes she is amazing but they always follow it up with a she's too good for the real me you really ought to just set her free and spare her misery and grief and thus therefore I have not talked to God very much lately and I'm struggling with my spirituality like all these things that I have attached myself to and held on to over the span of my lifetime has continuously been proven incomplete or false entirely and I'm green now because I'm jaded and I hate it because I feel as if my passion is dwindling at best in all aspects and it's frustrating and such a ******* mess emotionally and again I drink and it's not because of you it's me or maybe more accurately it is something that has been desperately trying to **** me the only problem is that I am not as weak as it thinks and when I have a best friend that is always at ringside with me I'm always in the battle and I will not quit I will not give up even when I'm in tremendous peril and the fact that I might be sterile is like a microcosm of my life in general where I want a family and a wife and kids more than anything yet the alcoholism makes me not the most eligable bachelor and of course socially sterile like a ***** in jerusalem I sing my hymn of loneliness wanting to connect with Him but feeling inaqequate in sin

there is a forever storm raging
with deadly lightning
and strong winds of change
and yes, it scares me
never leaving me the same
sometimes I dance in the excitement
I revel in the insane
time has a way of making me forget
those days when I don't get
to see you...
the touch of your skin becomes dim
until I feel you again
it's then I remember...
like an ocean it falls on me
your breath in my ear
your heartbeat
your laughter
your release of fear...
my body pressed up against yours
my fears washed up on some unknown shore
my insecurities rivaling yours
my faith surviving with ours
like a light in the darkness you wake me up
as I jostle you too
I can never ever get enough
of you..
all these rhymes are easy
and I want you to see
that no matter what goes wrong
you will always have me
I'll never go anywhere without you
even if the world somehow sets me free
I'll carry you with me
physically and emotionally
you will never leave my essence
you will always leave me *****, but...
you will never leave me incomplete.

Deep breath... Lord, give me the words to say to help rid me of this anxiety, I pray and pray, and I hope that someday my mind will lose itself, so that I may begin to become legitimately crazy instead of wondering if I am, and maybe then my happiness will begin.. what I'm trying to say is that I wish that I'd become ignorant to grasp bliss, though there is part of me that needs to be informed, that needs to understand my own existence, yet it's troubling, the world seems to be crumbling and I wonder where God is in all of this? I don't want to be angry anymore, I want to simply explore.. this garden we've been given is gorgeous, but a parking lot we seem to give back, and it's blasphemous.. so I close my eyes and pray, and again there are no words to say to Him and I lose my grip, this mustard seed is shrinking into the abyss... and so I pray and pray, tomorrow is not promised, not even today, yet I worry for the future, that maybe I somehow can suture the wounds my brethren and myself have cut down into Her skin, but it just feels like a bandaid on a severed artery, so I cling now to artistry and write poems with no purpose, no real direction, no real topic, merely reflection.. and I hope that someday these words will make a difference to somebody, anyone, even just one and then this time I spent would be worth it, a sort of desperate attempt to repent.. read my words and know that there are tears behind them, that I'm dying and okay with that, that I'm trying and will slay this dragon of my addiction, whether it's today or not I highly doubt it, just know that my death will be my knight in shining armor, coming to save me from this veiled disorder, order out of chaos.. as above so below? I see your souls..

I put my hand on your chest
and I hold it there
absorbing your love
and this thought tracks into my mind
that because you're not mine
that maybe I am not okay at all
just then
a thought, or maybe a lack thereof
hits me and I think
as I begin to cry
that maybe I am exactly okay
as okay as I should be
given the circumstances of this world
the latest in the path of my old soul
maybe I am better than okay
and I should be crying, because
all these innocent people dying everywhere
I'm trying to make a difference
on the circumference of this sphere
I'm trying to love others despite this fear
but what I'm thinking now
is that I need to love others
because of this fear
something we share

Love is now illegal.

No longer may you empathize with the broken.

You must never talk to strangers.

No more spontaneous hugs.

No more finding common ground.

Divisiveness is a requirement.

Joy is no longer to be found.

Tomorrow's docket? Argue over nothing.

Hate your neighbor because they're different.

Politics is all that matters now.

Do you hear that silence?

It's a deafening sound.

Judge everyone from a pale horse.

Religion brings a sword to strike them down.

Nothing left is meaningful.

Don't hold that door for that woman.

That's ****** harassment now.

Don't use that bathroom.

Handicap is a gender now.

You may not own a gun.

If you do you'll **** children.

And become the talk of the town.

What have we become?

What happened to fearing fear itself?

I'm tired of chain-smoking.

I'm tired of the now.

It's not about amendment rights.

It's not about trump cards.

It's not about those clowns.

It's about each other.

It's about being understood.

When we become empathy..

There's no room for any blood.

In Love be lost and found.

The world outside just makes me wanna run and scream and hide inside my mind behind the wings of my demons, and in there is where I cry out and pray that someday my angels will finally learn how to fly me away back home, even if it is just for a short stay so I can permanently learn from all of my 3-D mistakes and come back as the man that God had originally made, and I say God for lack of a better term, because I really truly have no idea how to define the indefinable, yet I know that there is something there that transcends time and gives me hope, a tangible feeling in my forehead my mouth my throat my heart my guts my *** and “wee wee wee” all the way to my toes, like electricity spiraling down into my soul... some days I wonder where my heart is, since it is not at home… this incredible journey feels like an away game in the Stanley Cup playoffs, everyone in this stadium is rooting against you, yet what they do not realize is at the end of the day, we are all rooting for the same team, and that is to feel belonging, to feel loved, to feel accepted, to feel understood... and we only root against each other because that is what everyone else is doing, and I for one am tired of being a ******* puppet, I’m tired of being shown the differences in all of us, I’m tired I’m tired I’m tired, and I want to go home..

But what I really truly deep down desire is to make this place here my own... To throw away my phone and look each person I’m blessed with in my life in the eyes and tell them “I love you, and you don’t need to be anything other than who you are for me to Love you... welcome home.”

What about me?

I am a work of art in progress...

The brushstrokes that have been the hardest to paint, become the most beautiful parts of me...

I am a work of art in progress...

All of life is God’s canvas.. He created the heavens and the earth, but He is still creating me.

I just want a chick who is as ***** as me, but also showers regularly

Maybe I picked up some dad skills. Maybe I already knew. Maybe all they need is attention…

That is all anybody wants, really. To feel like somebody gives a **** about them, to not feel lonely.

That is why he cries when he wakes up from a nap, or in the morning... because he wakes up alone. He just wants to know that you are there, and that you care.

Although he doesn’t need you to hold him all the time, there will be (has been that) time when he falls upon his head, and he’ll need you by his side...

All of this is the sugar on top of succeeding in the effort to not let him die.

;)

Loose leaf paper to hold my anger, more dead trees to harbor my insanity.. these are necessary accessories in this fodder we call life, so transparent and so lifeless, yet called so anyhow... who are we as a collective? What do we value? Peace and security. We want everything and nothing to change, all at once. We cannot maintain as we try to contain our emotions through each day to suffocate the masses into submission, to get them to believe who we think we are.. when there’s only one difference.. it is not color or race, or financial grace, or religion or intention, or a suicidal pace, it is all about how we accept those that are seemingly different, in each of us is a demon who tells us lies about the other guys, and I’m tired of the reasoning so Illuminati just please **** me or leave me alone this is all on my own from what I have seen and felt it’s obscene, and I want to believe...

Even looking at the word ‘imagine’ sparks my imagination.. It feels magical, to create with our minds. We are capable of so much beauty and destruction and Love and fear.. so maybe, we just need to choose to be magical, and imagine our lives as a blessing, to strive towards the giving of ourselves for the sake of others, trusting that God or the Universe or Him or Her has got our backs when they are against a wall, and to believe in angels and signs and prayer and hope.. to focus on things unseen and the green grass, the sunshine, and places called Home.. trusting in friendship and connections and soulsearching Love, and fate that is loosely painted by the brush strokes of our bodies and with the colors of our intentions.. holding on to the knowing that God’s grace is flowing and holding on to us like a
teacher guiding each stroke, some seem so ugly and gross in the moment but.. each one is just part of a wholehearted masterpiece, just waiting to behold.

Here is a list of things I do not regret, despite shame’s hot breathing down my neck;

I don’t regret holding your hand, fingers intertwined and all

I don’t regret Traverse City, my favorite day of all

I don’t regret you on the beach in the twilight, not worried about the sand at all

I don’t regret our too long hugs, in public, your car, my porch, your office, or any place at all

I don’t regret our back rubs, even if the final score has you winning it all

I don’t regret telling you I love you, or you telling me first at all

I don’t regret the sneaky pictures, when you weren’t looking that i stole

I don’t regret the days I held you close, anxiety had its hold

I don’t regret being vulnerable, or sharing my secrets so bold

I don’t regret never kissing you, even if my dreams still tell me i do

I don’t regret falling in love with you..

I don’t regret it, no..

The only thing I do regret, is hurting you just so

Nn

Sway with me.. feel the vibrations within the silence of our staccato, notes left unplayed.. the ones felt instead of heard.. knowing that there are never adequate words to describe the magnetic pull that is felt from the heat of your heavenly body, the subtle touches that leave me breathless and dizzy are enough to turn me into a poet despite me, or at least the shell there of.. forgetting about my misery and the history repeating.. when I am not okay she chooses to love me,  and there are no demons that could compete, they just hide within my eyes until she pries them free with her beautiful violence, her ability to reach within me... and we dance.. not holding each other, but assimilating into something more complete

How could I forget? This is what I've always known in the depths of my heart to be what love is, truly. Finally, I can tell someone that they are beautiful, and they know and understand that I mean exactly what I say.. without any end game or attempt to persuade them one way or another in my favor, like prey... Though I do pray, and there is this belief inside of me when I talk about twin flames or soul mates, and my feeling is that we all have the gift of a match in this life, someone who understands our pain, and will connect on life experiences, looking past any attempt at gain, setting aside differences with love and understanding. So when I say I know you love me, and I won't forget.. what I'm really saying is.. the same.

Look about you... Her kingdom is there.  She loves, she cries, she despises when I lie..  so to drink, it fills her eyes..

Please Lord, when I am weak, will You be strong? Be the One Who can contain the fire among us, along the paths we traverse on?

Beneath my skin, the chamber of my heart walls glistening with reflections from my spirit's flame like a dimly lit chandelier pulsating with power, an electron on the the atoms of God herself... beautifully conscious.

The water is still as I gaze upon it, the sunshine reflecting in my eyes and I feel like I'm blinded, it's a reflection so bright that I cannot see..  nor do I want to. Reality shifts, and I can feel the intensity of every moment, and I twitch… shaking towards my own destiny,  as I wallow and suffocate in my own fear, my flashy insecurities... I can't believe you see me, may I run? Not that I want to, I'd rather drown...  either way it could be fun, do you not agree? Someone once told me they loved me, proceeding anyhow within my doubt, thus how I skeptically do not agree, with all that's perpetually mistaken for dull sound.. I love you.. and I say those words without a hidden meaning, it's only truth that I am speaking, you wrecked my world in such a good and terrible way, that I must be honest... whatever part you cast me in, I'll gladly be the one who plays.

This feeling is so fleeting, and I must jot it now, else time will skew and fade the moment into a memory, the latter lesser than the original, and when we compare and contrast contentment and complacency it becomes clear the difference here is love and fear, first learning how to love inside of being authentic and kind, striding towards infinite growth in tune with one’s spiritual design…

… the latter, of course, lesser than the original.

There is this idea of infinite universes, in which every possibility is manifest, and this idea I enjoy… if paths chosen are limitless, then there truly is no room for regret.  A few times in my life I’ve experienced what can only be described as an overwhelming feeling that I had recently died, that somehow I had jumped from one reality to the next, where I was still alive… and I have nearly died on several occasions, yet there has never been a white light(so don’t ask), not even while I was in a coma and I experienced many types of ‘dreams’ that were very vivid and real... no, it’s usually just waking up in hospital rooms, or mental institutions, where this feelilng of purgatory becomes more persistent, and time moves painfully slow… I asked a girl once, during one of these lulls, when the feeling was heavy on my mind, ‘what if this is Hell?’ and I coulld tell it scared her though and I felt badly when her eyes got so wide… but why so afraid if she didn’t feel as if it might be true inside her mind?

Imagine me out on a limb, outside of this skin
a bird chirping in the moonlight
draw me with the brush stroke of your daydream
color my eyes with the design of a universe
imagine me in Time
written within the pages of your clever disguise
a dream within a dream within a dream...
all the way towards infinity
pencil me into existence with the sharpness of your observance
listen to me singing as I bathe wildly in the luminescence
of my very own reverie
Imagine you as a photogenic apostasy
freedom from the spiral of persistent slumber
develop the negatives to see
black and white and inside out
you are a shimmering raindrop
splashing together into itself and all others
an oceanic expression of truth and love

Most people do not understand my sense of humor... its very dry and often subtle, or off the wall beyond the normal. So when a joke made by me falls flat, there is an awkward moment where you look at me like I am dumb, and in my mind I think ah ****, they're dumb, then we both shake it off and continue on..

ahhhh... lies. Comfort. cancerous, alcoholic necessity. go **** yourself, and let me watch... I hate me and I hate you more. you're a ***** like me. so will you just die like me...

My chest crushed and any semblance of a man is gone, there is no turning back... what is done is done. Again and again, all the way through to what feels like infinity multiplied by infinity times a thousand! Yes I am a child, buried deep down in the well of my soul locked away forever, and right now I am kicking and screaming, directing self-pity like Scorsese!  My disease is killing me, more than just physically, it is mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and virtually everything that is me.

This most recent dying has slowed time itself to a crawl as if it is dying with me and is gasping for breath, the ticking choking sound is suffocating me once and for all and I can't stand it or sleep as it leaks and creeps on into the next second while I bleed spirituality, angry and regretful at my decision made in misery.

Dropping down now to my knees, screaming from inside these prison walls of this mind of mine to be free from my insecurities...

My heart does a flying squirrel somersault off the high dive of my butterfly cage, fluttering amongst symbols of enlightening when I think of you, or see your name written in any place or those times where I am lucky enough to get to see your beautiful face, and when I get to talk to you my heart picks up its microphone and sings to me in tune with its beat a love song Id choose to play on repeat for forever if anything at all is ever truly up to me, so when we are finally close enough again to feel the heat off our fiery twin flames, my heart will pack its things, and return home to your love again.

Cigarette after cigarette I smoke
Is it time to go home yet?
There are people everywhere in pain
Mis-using semicolons like *******
These cuts are on my legs for a reason
And it isn't grammatically correct
Can't I just be?
I want to set fire to my house
or to my soul
Whatever comes first
Maybe my feet can connect with the grass
Something living that doesn't define me
Who am I anyway?
I am a pine needle
That is what I am today
Refresh my memory
Am I a *****?
There's never anything good on TV
I should watch the news
To justify my cuts
I guess I'll go shopping
To justify my cuts
Tomorrow never comes
I just want to enjoy today

If I were Yossarian, I'd sail into the distant sea
I would make a mockery of my plight
I would set sail
I would become me
Water trickles off the roof
The droplets soothe me
And in this moment I do not feel free
What is it that I am trying to escape?
Is it me?
Flowers blooming lovers swooning
set me free

I hate who I am

And if we are God, shall we pass judgement? And if we are, then we are merely judging ourself.
And if we decide to create love, not torment, then and only then shall we step out of our hell.

My life, a perpetually circling dog trying to find just the right place lie down.

I look at the world and I think
oh no not again
history repeats
so I guess I gotta say
keep your head up
spread the love
send a prayer unto it's peeps
before it's done
and you're reaped
and it's set in stone
that you are lying under their feet

123, 123 think
I'm on the brink of dear life
Past, present, and future strife
There always exists the shame
Even when I am not to blame
Tomorrow doesn't exist for me
And I am not holding onto tonight
I'm holding on to being free
Figuring out love and it source of light
learning how to love someone like me

Being sober is like turning into a werewolf there is everything and nothing that scares us because we have seen it all and done it all except accept the pain as spiritual growth and keep on going towards what feels like forever and try and try not to lose hope

I'm dancing. I'm drowning. I hate myself, please leave me. No, don't go, I love you. I need you, I'm nothing without you,  please stay! Who the **** am I anyways? I never knew me. Eulogy my insanity, nothing else is me.  There's nothing in my name, I am not words, I am not okay. Leave me BE! I'm so lonely... my paradoxical heart is beating me to death and I can't breathe, not even rapturously, I'm burning alive from the inside out.  As if that feeling ever even existed, it's nothingness and pain, just like I am, constantly playing some pseudo game of cat and mouse with my mind,  except I'm never the cat until I snap and eat Cinderellas friends. I'm tired and hyper, will you please just stay and go away? I'm sick of pleading with and of you to the point where I never even loved you because I don't even know what that word or all these others mean, nothing is as it seems... I'm floating outside myself, nothing next to nothing is still nothing, full of rage. I can't do this anymore, off with my head. How can you make nothingness dead? I'm empty and nothing so how can nothing be empty, I can't contain my pain... ahhh I'm screaming someone please don't help, you can't anyways, so just play hide and go **** yourself or me, I don't even know... I so badly want to feel something, anything, can't I cut me? No, they all get mad and send me away... who the hell is talking? Is this even me? This is and isn't me. Oh ****, I AM ******. I've gotta go away.

Ah, light! Beautifully strewn across the landscape of my soul's heart. My desire for freedom illuminating the sphere of my little big world bubble, casting shadows of fear away to where they belong in their spiral, circling the drain of no hope, clogging my madness and need to run from the precocious empty, which used to damage me so... I feel free today! Where did I used to go? They are gone from the circular despair and return in desperation, as such that cycle goes... clinging and growing inside my joy, as ego... but no more foes like lightning electrifying the compass of my one true soul. Flames we are, catching fire to the moth, assimilating within its flow, though we are like the butterfly, not the moth, transformed in representation of pillars made of salt... we are those pillars, the salt of the earth, guarding freedom, in hope... do we taste just so? Or shall we baptize in waters that float... why even worry? We cannot add to our canvass we create on to and fro, quo vadimus... where are we going? I now can and may answer that we are headed home, though not on our own, but through loving others as ourselves, all those with hearts of stone... Thus we shall say, 'Let there be Light! Or so the story goes...

I walked into a love story that was still in bloom
Sure it might have had quite a few pages ripped and some tear drops on the binding
But all in all the story was beautiful
It was about two people that have had their ups and downs
But never stopped loving each other
There were moments that they will never forget that were gut wrenching
But their were also moments that made them feel alive
The past hurts but the future for these two only time will tell.  
I pray that they find the right combination and the right foundation to build their love to the sky
I am in love w him but he loves her.
I won't ever regret my choice to love him bc he makes the world open up and makes my spirit want to dance
She will get to lay down with him as he holds her tight at night
I'll continue to pray as they go forth in this journey that they stay safe and keep each other alive
Bc no matter what I want I want them to live to the fullest and love w no conditions.
I will always wish he loved me the way he loves her but that is not how this story is going to go.

People in places with feelings
Running down the darkest of roads
They could be much worse off
it's their choosing
Some choose life and love the perils of love
Love is alive and it's moving
Never tie it down to anything
We must be free of the chains and see beauty
In each and all of God's everything
So just live and let live and sleep naked
and love every single being you can