Loose leaf paper to hold my anger, more dead trees to harbor my insanity.. these are necessary accessories in this fodder we call life, so transparent and so lifeless, yet called so anyhow... who are we as a collective? What do we value? Peace and security. We want everything and nothing to change, all at once. We cannot maintain as we try to contain our emotions through each day to suffocate the masses into submission, to get them to believe who we think we are.. when there’s only one difference.. it is not color or race, or financial grace, or religion or intention, or a suicidal pace, it is all about how we accept those that are seemingly different, in each of us is a demon who tells us lies about the other guys, and I’m tired of the reasoning so Illuminati just please **** me or leave me alone this is all on my own from what I have seen and felt it’s obscene, and I want to believe...

Even looking at the word ‘imagine’ sparks my imagination.. It feels magical, to create with our minds. We are capable of so much beauty and destruction and Love and fear.. so maybe, we just need to choose to be magical, and imagine our lives as a blessing, to strive towards the giving of ourselves for the sake of others, trusting that God or the Universe or Him or Her has got our backs when they are against a wall, and to believe in angels and signs and prayer and hope.. to focus on things unseen and the green grass, the sunshine, and places called Home.. trusting in friendship and connections and soulsearching Love, and fate that is loosely painted by the brush strokes of our bodies and with the colors of our intentions.. holding on to the knowing that God’s grace is flowing and holding on to us like a
teacher guiding each stroke, some seem so ugly and gross in the moment but.. each one is just part of a wholehearted masterpiece, just waiting to behold.

Here is a list of things I do not regret, despite shame’s hot breathing down my neck;

I don’t regret holding your hand, fingers intertwined and all

I don’t regret Traverse City, my favorite day of all

I don’t regret you on the beach in the twilight, not worried about the sand at all

I don’t regret our too long hugs, in public, your car, my porch, your office, or any place at all

I don’t regret our back rubs, even if the final score has you winning it all

I don’t regret telling you I love you, or you telling me first at all

I don’t regret the sneaky pictures, when you weren’t looking that i stole

I don’t regret the days I held you close, anxiety had its hold

I don’t regret being vulnerable, or sharing my secrets so bold

I don’t regret never kissing you, even if my dreams still tell me i do

I don’t regret falling in love with you..

I don’t regret it, no..

The only thing I do regret, is hurting you just so

Nn

Sway with me.. feel the vibrations within the silence of our staccato, notes left unplayed.. the ones felt instead of heard.. knowing that there are never adequate words to describe the magnetic pull that is felt from the heat of your heavenly body, the subtle touches that leave me breathless and dizzy are enough to turn me into a poet despite me, or at least the shell there of.. forgetting about my misery and the history repeating.. when I am not okay she chooses to love me,  and there are no demons that could compete, they just hide within my eyes until she pries them free with her beautiful violence, her ability to reach within me... and we dance.. not holding each other, but assimilating into something more complete

How could I forget? This is what I've always known in the depths of my heart to be what love is, truly. Finally, I can tell someone that they are beautiful, and they know and understand that I mean exactly what I say.. without any end game or attempt to persuade them one way or another in my favor, like prey... Though I do pray, and there is this belief inside of me when I talk about twin flames or soul mates, and my feeling is that we all have the gift of a match in this life, someone who understands our pain, and will connect on life experiences, looking past any attempt at gain, setting aside differences with love and understanding. So when I say I know you love me, and I won't forget.. what I'm really saying is.. the same.

Look about you... Her kingdom is there.  She loves, she cries, she despises when I lie..  so to drink, it fills her eyes..

Please Lord, when I am weak, will You be strong? Be the One Who can contain the fire among us, along the paths we traverse on?