Beneath my skin, the chamber of my heart walls glistening with reflections from my spirit's flame like a dimly lit chandelier pulsating with power, an electron on the the atoms of God herself... beautifully conscious.

The water is still as I gaze upon it, the sunshine reflecting in my eyes and I feel like I'm blinded, it's a reflection so bright that I cannot see..  nor do I want to. Reality shifts, and I can feel the intensity of every moment, and I twitch… shaking towards my own destiny,  as I wallow and suffocate in my own fear, my flashy insecurities... I can't believe you see me, may I run? Not that I want to, I'd rather drown...  either way it could be fun, do you not agree? Someone once told me they loved me, proceeding anyhow within my doubt, thus how I skeptically do not agree, with all that's perpetually mistaken for dull sound.. I love you.. and I say those words without a hidden meaning, it's only truth that I am speaking, you wrecked my world in such a good and terrible way, that I must be honest... whatever part you cast me in, I'll gladly be the one who plays.

This feeling is so fleeting, and I must jot it now, else time will skew and fade the moment into a memory, the latter lesser than the original, and when we compare and contrast contentment and complacency it becomes clear the difference here is love and fear, first learning how to love inside of being authentic and kind, striding towards infinite growth in tune with one’s spiritual design…

… the latter, of course, lesser than the original.

There is this idea of infinite universes, in which every possibility is manifest, and this idea I enjoy… if paths chosen are limitless, then there truly is no room for regret.  A few times in my life I’ve experienced what can only be described as an overwhelming feeling that I had recently died, that somehow I had jumped from one reality to the next, where I was still alive… and I have nearly died on several occasions, yet there has never been a white light(so don’t ask), not even while I was in a coma and I experienced many types of ‘dreams’ that were very vivid and real... no, it’s usually just waking up in hospital rooms, or mental institutions, where this feelilng of purgatory becomes more persistent, and time moves painfully slow… I asked a girl once, during one of these lulls, when the feeling was heavy on my mind, ‘what if this is Hell?’ and I coulld tell it scared her though and I felt badly when her eyes got so wide… but why so afraid if she didn’t feel as if it might be true inside her mind?

Imagine me out on a limb, outside of this skin
a bird chirping in the moonlight
draw me with the brush stroke of your daydream
color my eyes with the design of a universe
imagine me in Time
written within the pages of your clever disguise
a dream within a dream within a dream...
all the way towards infinity
pencil me into existence with the sharpness of your observance
listen to me singing as I bathe wildly in the luminescence
of my very own reverie
Imagine you as a photogenic apostasy
freedom from the spiral of persistent slumber
develop the negatives to see
black and white and inside out
you are a shimmering raindrop
splashing together into itself and all others
an oceanic expression of truth and love

Most people do not understand my sense of humor... its very dry and often subtle, or off the wall beyond the normal. So when a joke made by me falls flat, there is an awkward moment where you look at me like I am dumb, and in my mind I think ah ****, they're dumb, then we both shake it off and continue on..

ahhhh... lies. Comfort. cancerous, alcoholic necessity. go **** yourself, and let me watch... I hate me and I hate you more. you're a ***** like me. so will you just die like me...