My chest crushed and any semblance of a man is gone, there is no turning back... what is done is done. Again and again, all the way through to what feels like infinity multiplied by infinity times a thousand! Yes I am a child, buried deep down in the well of my soul locked away forever, and right now I am kicking and screaming, directing self-pity like Scorsese!  My disease is killing me, more than just physically, it is mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and virtually everything that is me.

This most recent dying has slowed time itself to a crawl as if it is dying with me and is gasping for breath, the ticking choking sound is suffocating me once and for all and I can't stand it or sleep as it leaks and creeps on into the next second while I bleed spirituality, angry and regretful at my decision made in misery.

Dropping down now to my knees, screaming from inside these prison walls of this mind of mine to be free from my insecurities...

My heart does a flying squirrel somersault off the high dive of my butterfly cage, fluttering amongst symbols of enlightening when I think of you, or see your name written in any place or those times where I am lucky enough to get to see your beautiful face, and when I get to talk to you my heart picks up its microphone and sings to me in tune with its beat a love song Id choose to play on repeat for forever if anything at all is ever truly up to me, so when we are finally close enough again to feel the heat off our fiery twin flames, my heart will pack its things, and return home to your love again.

Cigarette after cigarette I smoke
Is it time to go home yet?
There are people everywhere in pain
Mis-using semicolons like *******
These cuts are on my legs for a reason
And it isn't grammatically correct
Can't I just be?
I want to set fire to my house
or to my soul
Whatever comes first
Maybe my feet can connect with the grass
Something living that doesn't define me
Who am I anyway?
I am a pine needle
That is what I am today
Refresh my memory
Am I a *****?
There's never anything good on TV
I should watch the news
To justify my cuts
I guess I'll go shopping
To justify my cuts
Tomorrow never comes
I just want to enjoy today

If I were Yossarian, I'd sail into the distant sea
I would make a mockery of my plight
I would set sail
I would become me
Water trickles off the roof
The droplets soothe me
And in this moment I do not feel free
What is it that I am trying to escape?
Is it me?
Flowers blooming lovers swooning
set me free

I hate who I am

And if we are God, shall we pass judgement? And if we are, then we are merely judging ourself.
And if we decide to create love, not torment, then and only then shall we step out of our hell.