energy swirling in random spirals
chaos humming in the vast unseen
do you feel the spiritual revival
loosening the grip of the illusion machine
one more night then a moon so bright
a fruition of lessons the soul elected
allowing intuition to regain its light
truth as taught by the One resurrected

I love you...
so I've got to let you go
we both know it's the only way
to stay sober
hoping to control the monsters inside
shadows clinging to our souls

Peace runs deep in love that says
come follow me
learn to move higher on your journey
up the mountain towards
letting what you're afraid of losing go
free falling upward
make your decision soon
choosing to have Life
through loving God and others like
Christ knew and taught us how to do

I might just do it
this idea I've been toying with
I'm tired and weak
I can't stop drinking
It's more than embarrassing
It's uniquely obscene
Who will I hurt next?
I need some relief
death seems comforting
so sick of my disease
I can't handle my thoughts
or the love that I seek
I'm missing me
hurt them once and for all
it's better then years that they weep
and then..
we all can get some sleep

someone once told me
to be a writer
I must bleed on the page
well here is me hemorrhaging
unleashing my rage
I'm so tired of being a fighter
I only wish to be free
if I allow myself to think
if I let myself feel
it makes me want to drink
I badly want to heal
I miss you
I'm dying
I hate you
I'm crying
I love you
I'm trying
I'm drunk
Help me
I'm holding on for dear life
refill my glass please
I've forgotten what's right
my blood is thin
my will is sin
my heart is dim
my love has been
why can't I bleed!
I ******* hate my alcoholic greed
I ******* hate me
take away my need
someone once told me
there's no such thing as free

What the hell am I supposed to do I feel as if I'm ******* because this addiction thing has proved time and again that it always wins in the end and I can't stop there is no off switch so I will probably die of this which depresses me and I confess that makes me want a drink as the cycle continues until I lose the battle and my loved ones suffer I have considered suicide to get it over with and stifle the wake of misery I've yet to leave behind but cannot seem to find the courage and you may say that rehab is the way to get and stay sober yet I submit it is a bandaid on a severed artery this I know from experience and what is wrong seems to go down deep to the very essence of me where my belief in God lives in my soul but faith has not sustained my sobriety even feeding the fear at moments when the voices are severe in my mind always trying to belittle and break me down until I whittle away into nothingness please

Life has hit me mercilessly
shotgun blasts to my soul
tearing out pieces of it
leaving holes that need filling
with little or no hope I push on
still reeling and out of control
I continue to smoke and drink
and think to myself that maybe
there will be an answer
in something I've wrote
therefore I write and write
in spite of my lack of ambition
just in case I find
the truth that I've been missing