I find myself floating in thoughts of everything
How much I love you lay in bed with you
Just talking
In utter silence we still know each other better than we can explain to others
When we're apart we dream of each other
And when we do not dream
We feel restless
And tired
And exhausted by someone elses presence
That slight nudge saying here they are
Other half, partially in this person
It makes us sick
To think anyone else could even come close to either of us
And when we lay in bed
With each other
Bodies caressing
Steady rhytms
Clumsy manners
We don't want to be anywhere else
Our minds concentrated on keeping us closer
And our bodies enjoying themselves
And our emotions fill the air with tensions against expectation
We do not wish to leave our sides
Simply yearning to stay in those silent moments forever gives us an unstoppable drive

God forbid
We ever get ahead
And realise just how much we've progressed
And all that we've transgressed
And marvel at the sight of all our human might
And ask ourselves when our heads got filled
With the notion that we were individuals who had to fight
To overcome that which teamwork won
That we ever realise that dreams can materialize
And that, God, if ever present, long ago left on ahead
Because we were busy fighting about who should make our bread
And who will raise our dead
But no-one ever asked
Where will this road end
At least not loud enough for it to clear our heads
God forbid we realise just
Who we all are
And who our brothers and our sisters are
For we might accept them with open arms
Silly notion
Let us fix it all again
This time, this time
Our God will be dead.

There's a feeling that I get when I'm flusterred
That feeling like my head's going to explode
The feeling of rage deep inside unbounded and asking why oh why
And I can't answer it
I can always smile and say everything will be alright
But
What if it's not
Who then can I believe if not myself?
I kind of just want to forget the world and all that I've been through
Forget my lies and all the words I've spoken half-truth half-nothing
And I want to close my eyes and be rid of this horrid experience because this is not what I'd like nor what I'd imagine
I long ago gave up on faith because there was no such magic
And here I am
Being told to rely on the uncertain
And I know the world isn't certain
But there has to be more order to this chaos than that which I've seen
And so what? Is it too much to dream?
Can't I just once be allowed to see a glimmering ray of hope rather than blindly attesting to a future I cannot hold?
I'd take you in my arms tonight and treat you with passion and care only because my soul isn't there and you'd cry on my shoulders because of the love that is lost when the heart is in despair
And I'd sit there like a rock unmoving, unflinching hoping to fade away seemlesly into the background, into oblivion, into nothing

No excuse for the things I could not see
the pain in your body overwhelming you till the point that you would cringe and cry
teardrops falling as your knees gave way to pain and
where would I be?
What was I doing?
Nothing.
And then you'd feign a smile and hold close to me and tremble
just barely shaking because you were afraid that I'd find out you were in pain
and you had no right to hide it
but I have no right to know of it
your past, your present
none of that.
Seeing you close your eyes usually unblinking
trembling softly as if due to the breeze
you made me feel at ease
and where are you now?
What are you doing?
Are you all-right?
Excuse my ignorance for not knowing sooner
that which I was not meant to be informed of
sort of just
came into being
and I can't help but worry that you'll go away with the knowledge I have gained
and I'll be alone here.
Who am I to worry?
Lover, passionate kiss
Yet all the while your pain grew
and what was it to me?
What did I know?
Nothing.
Please, excuse my ignorance.
I just wish to know that you'll be fine
because everything changes in due time.

There I am alone, in my room that is not my room
My home
Away from home
Away from my heart
So not nearly as home as I'd like it to be, but a house with my family and dogs and some shade from a tree
But I am not there
I am here
Amongst strangers who bear resemblance to me and its uncanny but they're not me
Not I
Not we
Neither alone and cold
Nor suffocated and hot
Surely I am the stranger

Hey
Let's start a conversation here, again. Because I'm lonely and could really use a friend
Someone that wouldn't mind if I sat there and whined
Because god knows I could really use the time to break down and cry
But I move on
One foot forward
Next step onward
And I survive
But to live just to live and lead an empty life
How sad, so I suppose I fill it with strife
And then I'm flusterred and alone and no-one's around to hear me groan
And I just sit there, alone, thinking about my solitutde
And I lie to myself
Say it's what I've always wanted
Say it's what I really need
Some time away from the people in a life I do not live
And time away from myself and away, just away
And then what

Pause for a moment please
Take a breath for me, please
Ever feel the wind beside you? The air fill you up and pour itself into you? Ever feel the suns rays dancing on your skin? Seen the glow of the moon and yearned for an escape
Or is that just me being crazy again

Chronic depression they call it
Medications help calm it
But how about an ear to talk to

Someone who won't judge
Just a simple conversation with anyone, a stranger
Because I could really use the time to unwind and whine
Because I feel lonely and alone
And you can say it's the same, till you feel it
The need to be with someone you can hold
To take the sorrow and put it on hold

But its fine, I don't mind, you don't ever even have to reply