I live in between the wisps of dreams and echoes of stories
I am man
I am woman
I am thing

I live in countries, planets, solar systems, universes, realms and times
I fly on mounts of wondrous creatures
I fight wars of bloodshed wielding scheme, sword, and sentence
I fall in love

Yet I die with "The End"
because the life I live it's not my own
It's a collection of words, it's a collection of images
It's fiction

When "The End" is here, I am me
And my problems become mine
Reality must be acknowledged
But here as me is the last thing I want to be

I knew you loved her
Your eyes sang with gold and mouth full of tenderness
You were happy

I was the flower that was easily admired
but quick to rot
easy to throw away and forget

Did you ever realize?
You cut me from my roots
placed me in a vase and left

I had to watch you leave with a smile
She was a flower that bloomed under the light of your smile
I hope you don't pluck her buds as you did mine

I'm no longer a flower.

this isn't love
this isn't love
this isn't love

What you have is a problem
your insecurities I don't want them on my shoulder
they're not mine to carry

you say you don't compare
you're just giving me a model to follow
but I can't be everything you've dreamed of

this isn't care
this isn't care
this isn't care

You say that it's all for me, what about my feelings?
every day is another problem with me
another complaint

my face
my body
my life

is there anything else you'd like to complain about?
Whatever do I have left for you to nitpick at?

What you want isn't me but your ideals
I'm sorry
I can't accept this kind of love, it's selfish and corrupt.

this isn't love
this isn't love
this isn't love.

Laying there eyes glazed unfocused,
I wonder
What do you see?
Do memories flash across your eyes?
Memories of your hometown.
when you were younger
Your family some who have passed and few who are still living
The heat and humidity of your hometown ruled under a regime you fought against passionately yet futilely
The trek through the ocean to freedom, to the free world with your two younger sons
Or do you see them now grown up?
Your sons and daughters now parents
Their children now adults
They bustle around you busy as you lay still
chest heaving, body tired, breath light
phones ring
nurses come past
an anticipation pungent in the air
a sadness pervades the house
love fills the surroundings
as cries slice through the air
your family watches you and
you are no longer looking back.

I have never truly understood the finality of Goodbye.
I expect hello to follow
even though goodbye was the end
we were parting
I had it attached with expectation
even though we are parting we will meet again

From when I was a child, I was told to say goodbye to my grandparents whenever I left the house
Grandpa liked it that way
He liked to know when we were leaving

I knew exactly when he was leaving
Grandpa liked goodbye's
So this time when it was his turn I would know
Right until the last moment
When the breath left his weary lungs
and his eyes were gently guided closed for the last time

That was goodbye.
This was his end.
Our last goodbye for a long time.

On the way home from class,
I slowed my rushed pace and
paused.

The usual rustle of leaves
bite of the brittle air
sting of sharp wind
was replaced with
a strange stillness

Like frozen time,
still and quiet,
wind absent,
cool air that comforted

I stared at the vibrant leaves
they were like bright embers
before ash
the spark of dazzling vivacity
before the end

I found peace
in the transience of
beauty
age
life
for just a moment
I was living for the moment
not for the past
not for the future

A moment I owned
that walk on a fall day.

I was a fool to think
that I had found it
when I was already on paved path
set right in front of me
and all I did was follow it

Now I am lost
when all this time
I thought I was found
I traveled farther into the maze

What a fool.