She began as a child
With naive hope of a better future
One where her dreams came true
And the darkness of her past kept
Only in words

Yet here she sits today
That same hurt girl
No longer a child
But still with the fire of hope in her
Now holding the same weight but ten fold

She feels like she can no longer move
Crippled by her own self doubt
Stuck in her ways
An illness she thought time could cure
Yet here she remains

May 10 more years pass by
May she stand up and move forward
May she be who she wants to be
May her dreams become real
May she be happier than I

I look at myself
I see flaws

You stand right next to me
Scrutinizing, pointing at each one in dissatisfaction

It’s with love that I show you your flaws
I’m making you better

Are you sure it’s me you’re looking at?
Is it me you’re criticizing?

Does it make you feel better to belittle me?
Do you feel better about yourself now?

I blame you and still drown in self hatred
Each word, sent with love drives a stake deeper into my heart

Am I truly in the wrong?

You ask me if I love you
If I care

If I don’t even have room in my heart for myself
Do I have any love to spare?

If your lips brought me salvation
It was your words that condemned me

Your body that brought pleasure
Your intentions that brought pain

If I have known happiness
it was you
If I have known misery
it was you

It's always you

If she was a dove
I was a crow

She, above
I, below

She brought love
I brought woe

She got you
something I could only dream of
I got blue
knowing it was time to let you go

She
is the ghost that haunts me
She
is the villain that thwarts me
She
is the shadow that never leaves me
She
is the monster that keeps me
She
is the person that I see
She
is the ene(me).

No,
I don't know love
because love is pain
it's a body that doesn't fit
it's a aspiration that can't be touched

Love is a ticket
to travel down guilt
guided by lights lit with gas
with a relentless hand pushing
to end up at someone else's destination

No,
love is written in ink
to be read on a page
love is a scene acted out
to be enjoyed on screen.

I don't know love, not like it was meant to be.

After you
I thought my world had ended

After you
I figured there would never be another

After you
I was lost

After you
I found him

After you
I am loved in return

After you
There was him