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 May 2013 raðljóst
Alice Kay
How is it that I always laugh silently
but my sobs cannot be silenced?
 May 2013 raðljóst
Alice Kay
failure                                      failure
            ­                                                                 ­                                        failure
                                                         ­             failure
                           failure                                                                                                                      failure
                                                          failure                               failure
   failure
                                      failure            ­                                                                  failure
 May 2013 raðljóst
sleepyhead
"we're not psychologists, you know"
yeah, but we can pretend
lying under pine, oak + ash

i watched them hold eachother mostly every day
until we felt everything was going to be grand
or at least okay.                            
it felt less and less like a therapy
more like addiction, a prescription, need

nicotine hands, freezing fingertips
whiskey breath + colder lips
-
Why can't everyone
just be
as unstable
as me
-
it sneaks up on you
and it follows you
you know?
like a ******* shadow
and then you forget it's there
because sometimes the sun shines
and sometimes the sound of laughter
and the beating of hearts
scares it away
but then it always, always
finds a way back to you
and devours you

you know?
I smiled today
a genuine kind of smile
the kind of smile that is produced
when a flower looks up at you
but then guilt reminded me
that I am not allowed to be
something of such beauty
so I washed it all away in the sink
(back to normal)
-
remember darling,
that you will never
be able to taste the salt of the sea
or smell the flowers in the garden
or feel the worn pages of the books
or hold the hand of the one you love
when you are busy hiding under the blankets
-
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