so I said to my parrot:
"Why don't you just
be like the other parrots
and repeat whatever I say?"

and my obstinate parrot said:
*"Why don't you just
be like the other owners
and say something worth repeating?"

my girlfriend moved in
but she left with a huff and a puff
when she realised the truth

the truth dawned on her
when she heard
the parrot repeat
after just two months:
"What's for dinner?
What's for dinner?
What's for dinner?"


she left; now it's just
me and my parrot again
and all my ****** parrot says now is:
*"**** you, parrot!
**** you, parrot!"

so  it was the weekend
and I had no dates
nobody invited me over
(I suppose because
I never invite anyone over)
and so I stayed home
and by Sunday night
my parrot was telling me:
"Shut up, you
****** parrot!
Shut up, you
****** parrot!"


*Oh shut up, you ****** parrot!

I'm not the talking type you know
(us men will understand;
the women have seen this
in their men)
and being the lonely bloke I am
I bought a parrot for company
and just two hours observing me
in my house
the parrot said to me:
*"We ought to talk more..."

yeah, that's just right
early in the morning
at the self-check out
while I'm waiting my turn
(I have reason to believe you don't see me)
you stop awhile stabbing items
on the screen
to dig your nose
and you have such relief and satisfaction
and then you  continue stabbing
you finish, you are on your way -
thanks a lot, it's now my turn

*You have a nice day, won't you?

1
Tom learned a trick
at the playground:
Just say to any adult
"I know your secret"
with a knowing air
and they'll pay you
to keep your mouth shut

2
so Tom said to Dad:
"Dad, I know your secret"
and Dad said: "Oh God!
Son,  don't tell your mom!"
And Dad gave Tom $10

then Tom said to Mom:
"Mom, I know your secret"
and Mom said: "Oh God!
Son, don't tell your Dad!"
And  Mom gave Tom $10

that evening when the priest visited
Tom said to him:
"I know your secret!"
And the priest answered:
"Goodness me, my son -
I never thought your mom would tell!
Whatever you do, my dear son,
don't tell your Dad!"
And the priest gave Tom $100
and promised more

so the Manager called in
a staff member
and he said:
"Tom, take this new guy
round the workplace
and smarten him up"

So Tom took me round
the office and then
we went to see the Secretary
and he said to her:
*"Do check my Department report
My language is perfect -
just  righten up my punctuation"