The Elders Warn Skinny Vinny
Skinny Viiny, eat your meals -
no spitting and no sputtering;
just chew and swallow
everything mom feeds you
Think of the millions in Third World Countries
who daily and nightly can't afford food

Skinny Vinny, eat your food
or when you're asleep alone at night
the cockroaches will gather in your room
and they will nibble and nibble
and nibble
at your arms and your legs
and they will nibble and nibble
all night and all moonlight
and they will nibble away
all your fingers and toes
So if you don't want that to happen,
Skinny Vinny, eat all your meals
all that mom feeds you


But Skinny Vinny Ignores Her Elders
Now, one night, Skinny Vinny saw
that all the cockroaches
did come  (only in her dream, though)
and in that dream the cockroaches ate away
exactly as her parents had prophesied -
nibble, nibble, nibble, nibble
at her fingers and at her toes  -
and Skinny Vinny was exactly bereft
of all her yummy fingers
and all her smelly toes



Skinny Vinny Learns Her Lesson
And by this dream
Skinny Vinny had the **** beaten out of her
so much by fear
that from then on she ate all; she ate all at hand
she ate all she was fed and all at the table
and she demanded more by platefuls and bucketfuls
and she ate by trolley-fulls and delivery-truck-fulls
and her parents had to bring in
containers shipped in from China daily
all by Double Happiness exclusive deals

And Skinny Vinny ate and ate
and no food went to waste;
and her parents spent all their inherited fortunes
and they worked and worked day and night
even at the time when cockroaches fly
so they could feed Skinny Vinny
who ate all far and nigh -
and when last I checked the Daily Mule
( whose publication motto is:
We swear to carry nothing but unprocessed truth)
the parents are still working in the mines
in order to feed Skinny Vinny
who once would eat nothing



All parents learn your lesson*
And so be warned all ye parents
that threaten harm to your children
because they will not eat -
the very threats will be laid on your heads
and you will be digging in coal mines
to feed your kids

never teach English -
you’ll always end up gibberish*

1
the student wrote:
“Its find to one two tock to strainers
four eat wheel improof you’re languish”
but the teacher of English
patiently attempted to teach
the proper way it is written:
“It’s fine to want to talk to strangers
for it will improve your language”

but the student insisted:
“Its find to one two tock to strainers
four eat wheel improof you’re languish”
and the teacher persisted:
“It's fine to want to talk to strangers
for it will improve your language”


2
for months the teacher persisted
in spite of her trauma
(maybe it was her karma) -
and at last after six months
the student learned to write:
“It’s fine to want to talk to strangers
for it will improve your language”

So the teacher of English *succeeded

but now for years it is the teacher who writes:
*“Its find to one two tock to strainers
four eat wheel improof you’re languish”

Little Sally stood on a chair
and watched mom
wash the dishes
“Mom,” said little Sally
“Why do you have white hair?”

“Oh,” replied Mom, unthinking
“Every time you cause me trouble
a hair turns white”

And Sally replied, unthinking:
*“You must have caused grandma
a lot of trouble
All her hair is white”

1
when I was at university
I did some babysitting:
Send the kids to bed
after meals
Never smile at them
and be very strict –
you know the trick
Instill fear in them
They’ll just stay quiet
in their rooms
while you watch TV
till the parents return

2
So there I was in the living room
and the kids in their room upstairs -
except for one brat
looking down and creeping down the stairs
And I’d say: “Back to the room!”
and he’d crawl back
Three times he did that, that brat


3
Then there was a
knock at the door
It was the neighbour, it seems -
a Mrs Lim; she wanted to know
if her kid Sam was in the house
“No,” I said
but the brat from the stairs behind me shouted:
*“I’m here mum –
but he won’t let me out!”

Sandy at school

Sandy tells Ms Mirsha
all about the new baby
her mom says is coming home;
every other day Sandy talks
about the baby to Ms Mirsha -
maybe it’ll be a boy
maybe a girl, a brother or sister


Sandy at home

one day mom takes Sandy’s right hand
and places it on her tummy
and Sandy feels the baby kick


Sandy at school*

Sandy does not tell Ms Mirsha
about the baby no more;
two weeks on
and then Ms Mirsha asks Sandy:
“Sandy, how’s that baby you said
that’s coming home?”*


and Sandy bursts into tears
and she says: *“Oh, Ms Mirsha –
I think mom ate it!”

look  - John and Mina are talking
in the corner in the class;
they too have their worries
even though they're just kids

"My dad works all night
at the petrol station
and in the office in the morning;
and my mom at her office in the afternoon
and she cooks and cleans
and washes all morning -
all this, as they tell me,
so I never have to worry
and I can have a good house
and food and the big car
But I still worry"

"What's there to worry?
For you, life's made easy," says the wise Mina

"Yeah," answers the worrier John -
*"but what happens if they decide to run away?"

Puritan James is about
to teach his growing-up son
a thing or two
about the evils of alcohol and drink

He places a glass of water
and a glass of whiskey side by side
on the dining table and he declares:
"Now watch, Mike,
what happens to the worms
I will put in the glass of water
and in the glass of whiskey;
and tell me what you learn"

And Mike watches the worms
curl up and die in the whiskey
and Mike formalises his wisdom:
*"Dad - I learn that if I drink whiskey
I will never have worms!"