In the hope that my knees will touch rainbows
I arch my back to the heavens.
If I close my eyes tight I can almost feel the flit
Of a hummingbird’s wings on my cheekbone,
                my brow.
And yet there is, too, beauty in the imperfections-
Holes in socks,
                        cold coffee,
                                           weatherworn hands.

For all that we see hides the unseen,
The blind curling of bodies towards one another and
Snow falling in the deep chill of the night.
Because the fact that we still bleed and babies cry
Means that we are alive
Too bold to lie down and die.

Shall I kiss the wind with the same sweet sorrow
That plagues my soul,
Or shall I close my eyes tight

And feel the prism of light
-not unlike a rainbow

"you're confused,
isn't that why you're here?"
he speaks in quiet tongues,
always so gentle,
but sincerity lacking
i don't want to talk about the
things that brought us here
the things that have broken us
down... in the quiet,
and in the dark,
it was always the same


i'm here because
i want to be held*

it's as simple as that
i have no other explanation
for the way things are,
or should be,
or could have been

I paused the movie to hear the couple fighting outside.
She said "You haven't talked to me at all tonight!"
and he said "What?"

But I know what they really meant to say was "I get stupid when I see you and I don't know what to do about it."
Then she slapped him and ran back inside crying.
It was an awkward moment for me in someone else's life.

It made me think about the video on how penguins mate forever.
And about how we're not penguins and how monogamy makes promises like traps
And how the only thing we have in common with penguins
is that we give each other rocks
and that means I love you until the sun explodes.

And how?

How come penguins can get it more right than us?
They can't even fly.

And when I watched this kid clutch his face as he wondered what he did wrong,
I can't help but ******* hate
all the happy penguins for him.

You stupid penguins,
you all look like you're going to a fancy party all the time
you stupid penguins
you run like your pants are down
you stupid penguins
you're gonna have someone to sit on the couch with forever
and you can't even fly!

What happens when you realize your penguin lover is immature
and he overeats the fish
and he's always late to things?

What happens when you realize your she-penguin has really bad penguin depression and you don't know how to deal with it?

What happens when you realize you both met too early and now you're different penguins?

I'll tell you what happens.
They stay together.
You know why?
Because he gave her a ROCK.
That's why.
Because, to penguins
rocks mean more than mortgages
and wanting to go to Hawaii
and step children
and sprinklers
and school districts.
They can keep a marriage alive with some instincts
and a ******* egg to sit on.
PENGUINS
Stay together longer than 50% of any couple you've ever met

And they can't even fly!

But maybe a bird
that knows how to fall in love better than us
doesn't need to know how to do that.

Sound.
If only there were sound.
You have grown weary of words
And all I want is an explosion.
Sound,
Make a sound-
I’ll listen to the notes and crescendo and rubato
Of your voice
If only you would speak

If I must scream until your ears go numb
And unfold my anger in a river thicker
Than molten lava, I will singe your skin
Until you listen-

Sound.
Just a word,
Just a chord
Just a plea, if it must be
And perhaps we can stitch the threadbare seam
That now divides us.
I no longer understand the twist of your shoulders
Or the angle of your eyelashes
Like I once did.
You can whisper.
You can wait.
Please,
Don’t be afraid.
Or else the silence will one day
Break me

Sometimes when I come (home),
I want to make a found poem out of
all the memories I never had
/(have yet to create).

It's all those words that I wanted to apply,
like "free" and "full" and "release"
and "unencumbered ventriloquist" and
"owls".
Just for the sake of sinking my teeth
into someone else's dictionary, vocabulary
(early morning rituals.
Perhaps I can slink into someone else,
if I adopt their lexicon,
and prepare my coffee the same way).

What are you spewing into the atmosphere?
What are you defining,
bringing into breath based on your action and reaction?

I could feel my hands
(plucking, grasping, *******, tearing)
your letters and phonemes and characters and verbal intent.
They're still on my pillowcase, I just don't know if you want them back.
I left mine buried in your red hot chili peppers lights,
you can keep them.

We have so many different endings.

Try, my love; try to open the doors to real pathways
It's running water under my floating house
in the ocean of uncertainty and misguidance now.
I can't live in this, I gotta move!

Look, watch as the tides show you that I can't play alone; another raft is waiting
A future home based on unreadable waters.
But we can't wait anymore, we have to move!

The fingers are pointing to different eyes every time you seek it,
but I'll still believe in man's second chance.
I'll move on now, but I'll come back to see if you're ready.

Is there a grudge that you're keeping, because I'm not coming back to fix that.

Maybe one day,
When the cold rain pours and washes away all the colour,
You’ll remember that morning we woke up in the city
everything somehow more vibrant than the day before.
And the sun came out just for us, I think.
I hope you realize there will be more colour.
Colour will come again.

Maybe one day,
When the universe makes you feel especially small,
You’ll remember those breezy summer nights
spent under the millions of scattered stars,
And holding someone meant your arms were the universe.
I hope you realize there will be more bliss.
Bliss will come again.

Maybe one day,
When you feel like crying because nothing seems easy anymore,
You’ll remember those years when nothing was ever hard
because we were an eternity.
And sleepless nights meant brighter eyes - we never smiled so big.
I hope you realize there will be more laughter.
Laughter will come again.

Maybe one day,
You’ll remember all those doubts you ever had,
And how I said to you,
“It’ll be okay.”
I hope you realize that one day,
It will be.