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Rachel Elizabeth Oct 2012
There is something growing
A light from within my self
It's warm and it's radiant
It's comfort, a soft embrace
This light has been smothered
For many years it's been beaten
Bruised, battered, and down trodden
I thought I had no strength
I was convinced I couldn't
Certain that I was trapped
There is a brick wall around the light
Brick by brick it was constructed and
Brick by brick I will break it down
It won't be easy, quick, or simple
Gentile, soft, or calming
I will fight tooth and nail
Fight to tear the wall down
I know eventually it will crumble
Brick by brick, rays will show through
Until the day comes that my light EXPLODES
And the entire world will see who I can be
Rachel Elizabeth Oct 2012
Everyone sees me smile
They assume so many things
Most of them false
Far from the truth
They see a smiling girl
But in reality I am
Someone who doesn't belong
Not here, locked away
Put here for my own protection
They think I simply take up space
Space for someone with real problems
Not a dumb little girl
Someone who can't cope
I should have it all together
Why do I flounder?
Written in the mental hospital
Rachel Elizabeth Oct 2012
Sometimes I need space

Get the **** out of my way

Or you might get punched
Rachel Elizabeth Oct 2012
My dreams are all seeing
They are not blinded by insecurity
Dream land is free omnipotent
I can see everything
No constraints of consciousness
No walls built around dreams
Anything can be seen
You are above life looking down
Watching scenes unfold as they do
Good, bad, ugly, it's irrelevant
We can see the past, present, and future
My dreams are all seeing and wise
They are in tune with the universe
The celestial ebb and flow of life
Like the current of a flowing river
A flock of birds that fly in unison
My brain waves flow in dreams
Whooshing past my being and stop
Stop ad listen to the present
The all consuming dream state
My dreams have no constraints
My dreams are all seeing
Rachel Elizabeth Oct 2012
I smile like I am happy
I laugh as though I feel joy
I joke like I am jolly
But the reality is much dimmer

My heart is not filled with joy
My soul is not bubbling with love
When I look in the mirror, I cry
I feel so much emptiness
I only feel sadness and despair

The masks I wear keep me safe
They allow me to function
With in the constraints of society
Without my masks, I would be raw

My raw self is vulnerable
It can be beaten, hurt, and bruised
I can never allow that

Never let people know my weakness
I must be strong, at any cost
So I wear them, my many masks
Hiding the little girl afraid
Rachel Elizabeth Oct 2012
You took my innocence
You took my sense of safety
You took my ability to trust
You changed my feelings on intimacy

But you gave me much more
You gave me awareness
You gave me caution
You gave me a blazing fire

A fire that burns inside
A fire to fight with
You had absolutely no idea
How much stronger I would be

You took my sense of safety
My ability to trust
But you gave me even more
A am forever a fighter
Rachel Elizabeth Oct 2012
Fear is all consuming
A black hole in space
Slowly ******* me in
Swallowing my entire being
Fear is constant
It changes forms often
Shape shifting all the time
It is tricky and cunning
It weasels its way in
To every facet of myself
Fear is panic
The overwhelming feeling
feeling that your heart has
Made it way to your throat
Your palms are clammy
the anticipation of tragedy
That all dwells in fear
No hope of an end
No promise of a resolution
Fear is all consuming
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