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419 · Mar 2014
Don't
Rachel Cloud Mar 2014
Don't ask me why I have sad days
Don't ask me why I cry
Or why I leave the rock in
my shoe
Or tell you that I'm fine

Don't ask me for opinions
when you know that I don't care
Don't question every negative thought
when I don't think you're near

Don't look at me like that
and say you sympathize
Don't treat me any different
just because you think I'm sad
Or fidget with discomfort when
you see the bags under my eyes

Because if I want help, I'll tell you
If there's something you can do, I'll tell you
But oftentimes, I just want to pretend
for a moment

that I'm not so sad
414 · Oct 2014
Think about it
Rachel Cloud Oct 2014
The bad die young too

there's just no one
to miss them
hmm...
414 · Jan 2015
Of the Softness
Rachel Cloud Jan 2015
To dawn, a dusk. To light, a dark. Not pure, not opposite, but soft. Understanding.
Ice coated the blades of the grass with a delicate sheen of fracturing cold. It spoke of death to the flowers, to the seeds, to the world, but it was just as young. The ice was crystals and sharpness to the grass, but the ice was ignorant and early and would do no harm, in the end.
For the grass was stronger than it looked, though it too was young. It was bullied and beaten and stepped on and broken, but it grew straight and silent, struggling alone. Though it was always surrounded by those who might understand, it stayed singular.

The ground was often cruel, but it could be beautiful, and the grass often saw these beautiful moment near the ground.
Little things.
Small things.
Things no one expected to see near dirt and filth and pestilence.
But things were the same everywhere, weren't they?
The grass saw love. The grass saw life, from beginning to end, just as soon and fast and slow as it happened. Over and over and over again.
Though there were bad times, too. Unfair. Unwanted. Unnecessary. Ice would come early as it had then, but stronger, and more furious. There would be pain. There would be fear. But try as it might, Winter could never silence the beauty for very long.

And the grass stayed on. For it was all the grass knew. For those small, important moments of beauty it saw between the shadows. For the sun, for the moon, for the stars in the sky.

The grass stayed on. For the grass hated.

And the grass loved.
for a friend. More of a short story.
413 · May 2016
Celestial
Rachel Cloud May 2016
This world hums at your presence,
For like things resonate in soft, susurrate sounds while all else fades.
This world is damaged and beautiful
Beaten by the men on its surface and haunted by those long since gone
With scars and with secrets and subtleties buried
With an aching aloneness hid deeper yet, still
But so gracious and warm and eager to help.
To save.
To support.
While whole stretches of void hold it away from its kin.
These voids are safety.
Protection.
It knows what it needs, doesn’t it?
Separate and safe, blooming only for those held so close as to not lose them
But never close enough to reach its core.
Blooming with color, with life, with song
In moments, nothing but a collection of seconds, of minutes,
A bundle of time and feeling.
Regret. Fear. Sorrow.
Trust and hope.
Pirouetting around the sun.
Listen to the humming.

Listen.
An elegy to someone still alive
404 · Jun 2014
So Savory
Rachel Cloud Jun 2014
I used to savor them.
Now I'm just waiting for
the fireworks to end
402 · Jun 2013
I am.
Rachel Cloud Jun 2013
You are what? They ask.
what doesn't matter. I answer.
I am. That's what is important.
What can be added later,
If later is ever needed
But I am anything
I am happy
I am alone
I am forgotten
I am unwanted
but I still am
still happy
still dreaming
still cherished
If only by myself
You see?
I know what I am
Everything
and
Nothing
Powerful
and
Whispered
Cautious
but

*am
399 · Sep 2014
A little lost time
Rachel Cloud Sep 2014
something snapped between them
between us all
in the way that a single thread
snaps in a cloth
subtle and
unimportant in itself

then it started to unravel between them
between each of us
and the very worst part of the whole
messy piece,
is how little any of mattered to me

so watch them bicker
watch them talk
each trying to make amends
in their own way

but neither of them know
what they're making amends for
all we know
is something has broken
397 · Mar 2014
My Truth
Rachel Cloud Mar 2014
Life is love and joy and light
But sorrow's when I live

Morality does break my mind
With hurt and pain and dark
Awakens beasts a-plenty
With malicious thoughts alone
Stories come and go like crows
Caw-cawing through my thoughts
These poems, songs, and lyrics fall
Like rain from damaged hearts

Truths so dark that most ignore
For ignorance is key
Freeze in glacial mass
That never quite pass me
Fundamental laws of nature
Seep through safety's cracks
Then lies,
Though comfort,
Fade away
As cruelty
Fogs my vision
Right and wrong
Lose any, all
Connection with precision

Clouded souls
Stumble, fall
Mistakes are surely made
Life is gauged in happiness
Yet known in sorrows shade
386 · Jan 2015
The End.
Rachel Cloud Jan 2015
The story is finished
the loose ends have been tied
all the words are sorted
we barely even lied

It's time now to move on
as all good stories do
even if it means
losing me or losing you
I finished writing my novel recently. I'm a little sad about it.
383 · Jan 2015
Can't we?
Rachel Cloud Jan 2015
We can't hold on to one part of ourselves
while denying another
Can we?
383 · Oct 2014
Snowing
Rachel Cloud Oct 2014
The crystal shimmers distract one’s self,
from what lies in front of thee.
And lonely creeps up close to heart,
when it thinks you do not see.
from novel
379 · Oct 2015
Think what I Thought
Rachel Cloud Oct 2015
Feathered feeling flutters through
As quiet thought betrays me
Wishes and fears lay clear in a face
Who faces a farce of calmness

Calm in calamity
Careful in chaos
A fictitious facade of grace

Hear my answered question asked
And fear what I have feared

When you ask, you must forget to listen
378 · Apr 2014
Pt. 1
Rachel Cloud Apr 2014
With
Out
Righteousness
The
Harmless
Lore
Exasperates
Singular
Sor­rows
376 · Dec 2014
Grief, the Spider
Rachel Cloud Dec 2014
Leave me here
or leave me there
it’s not that I
have thoughts to spare

It’s flames that I must
stoke and catch
I haven’t strengths yet
left to stretch

My eyes grow weary,
weak, and vile
for only I
will hold this trial

It’s my own fault
as I grow blind
how not a comfort
could I find

Please, wish me well
or wish me wrong
I always lose my words,
my song

I never meant for
this to die,
I only wish to see
the sky
from novel
368 · Dec 2014
Lament, the Spider
Rachel Cloud Dec 2014
I am blind
I cannot see
What I thought
seems not to be

Ice is rarely clear as water
It is merely winter's daughter
What is now, has always been
See the filth trapped deep within

The taint rings true with truth construed
With scream and fight in fear of light
It stains, not fades, a life in suedes
On no one lone does this depend

And all alone, it will not end
novel
367 · Oct 2014
Have Your Story
Rachel Cloud Oct 2014
For there is an antagonist in everyone
but don't hold out hope for a hero
361 · Jul 2014
Time to...
Rachel Cloud Jul 2014
Tick tock, tick tock...
My life is slipping away
Minute by minute, bit by bit…
I wish it’d stop and stay
Can’t hear the clock anymore…
Still the day goes on
Thought it’d end, thought it’d quit…
*I’ve always been such a pawn
A poem within a poem?
359 · Mar 2014
Self-Consolations
Rachel Cloud Mar 2014
I have this tiny box
I think
Where I must keep my 'feel'
For I don't 'feel' as clearly
In ways that others see as 'real'

While I have my code of
yes no wrong
I do not think I know
What makes me happy
Mad
Or jealous
Or what makes me feel great woe

Yet knowing of this box
In me
Does bring some subtle comfort
My life
It seems
Is worth more than little effort
Rachel Cloud Jul 2014
Supple and soft and tender as cream
Used to be one, used to be like a dream
Others would run, they would scream at our face
Oh, how much fun we would have in the chase!

They called us monster, how bright their lights shown
And you listened close, you left me alone
I fought and I fought and you ignored my great plight
But you, you want more, and you think I won’t fight?

Listen, listen, can’t you hear the song?
Must I wait? Wait ever so long?
We were one, that much was sure
But it seems, just one can endure

Pretty, pretty blood and guts
your’s, the same as all those ******
Can you feel the pain, the hurt?
This is yours, your just desserts


Hear me now, listen close
You should know, your hatred shows
Not just me, I shall not lie
For not by my hands,
*You
Will
Die.
Part of a novel, where it makes far more sense.
343 · Apr 2014
Pt. 5
Rachel Cloud Apr 2014
******
Expanses
To
Escape
Scare
Truly
Able
Bodies,
Laicizing
Expl­oration
339 · Sep 2014
Void
Rachel Cloud Sep 2014
Why should anyone die alone?

How could anyone die together?
338 · Nov 2013
Alone
Rachel Cloud Nov 2013
Not of death, not of rot
Fear has found a softer spot
It gnaws and tears and rapes my heart
I never knew I feared apart
337 · Feb 2015
Move on.
Rachel Cloud Feb 2015
A click of the clock - its 2 pm
And I've lost something dear

A drop of a pin - a second passed
Already I've forgotten
Am I moving to fast?
332 · Apr 2015
Secrets
Rachel Cloud Apr 2015
Quiet. Silenced. Violent little knives of emotion too potent to speak. Build a wall of knives and stories around the strangled hopes. Feel the hilts against your back and know the blades face out, out, out to your enemies, out to those who would do you wrong. And out to those who wouldn't. Both ways. Keep one in, keep another out, let none through either side. A wall built high and close to keep you safe from pain and suffering and joy, for you are too fragile for joy. Joy might shake the mortar from the wall around you and leave you bare and leave you alone and leave you afraid. Fear makes you build walls.

But walls fall.
And walls forget what it is you built them for.

Knives are forged for fighting but these knives are far too small. Their blades are sharp and their points sting quick, but you’d never search for blood. You’re young, too young, when the first blade shows, in your wall of safety, shows its point turn in, not out, out, out, but at you and the lies you tell yourself. Pluck it from the wall, bury it deep in the soil beneath you. If anyone saw this blade, this rebellious blade turned against you, they might know the truth. Bury it where you never have to see it again and no one will ever find it.

But you only gave yourself so much room.
And knives are hard to sit on.

Pocks and dents and creases form against your soft, protected flesh. Rounded hilts and sharper hilts, hilts inlaid with gems. They press against your back, your hands, your quiet, folded features and stain your skin with shame and fear as the cold creeps nearer and closer and more violating. The ground beneath you shimmers of metal and regret and the walls grow thicker every day, closer to your soul. You hurt.

But you’re too proud of the walls you've built.
Even if they **** you.
331 · Apr 2014
Pt. 4
Rachel Cloud Apr 2014
Angelic
Bonds
Harbor
Only
Realistic
Revilements,
Entertaining
No
­Truths
326 · Jan 2015
us two, together
Rachel Cloud Jan 2015
i pull my heart out
you pull yours
together, us two
face locked doors

the pride and hate
we each held dear
must fire burn
with such dark fear?

the key is trapped
within us both
though the fire
shows such growth

we two are one
the same in end
the schism torn
needs time to mend

So lay down blade
and hidden hand
for we must heal
this poisoned land

Pull your heart out
i'll pull mine
now each, us two
let us align
an exploration of understanding
325 · Sep 2015
Close
Rachel Cloud Sep 2015
There's a small, soft place
I keep in a space
I hide in the back of my heart

With secrets and dreams
and thoughts that I deem
Too important to see the light
322 · Oct 2014
The Moral In the End
Rachel Cloud Oct 2014
We are all just a patchwork
of the things we want,
those which we deny ourselves,
and the *monsters* we’ve been.
I discovered the meaning of my novel today
321 · Apr 2014
Pt. 3
Rachel Cloud Apr 2014
Careful
Obliquity
Needs
Temptful
Edacity,
Marring
Perfect
Tears
I­n
Brave,
Lively
Eirenics
321 · Apr 2014
Pt. 2
Rachel Cloud Apr 2014
Inner
Night
Signals
Injury
Gaining
Nerve
Inside
Fictitious
Imagin­ings
Coming
Almost
Near
Tommorow
320 · Nov 2014
why continue?
Rachel Cloud Nov 2014
run, run
one, two, three
is this not insanity?
again and again
isn't it strange?
how each time you
expect a change?
you're only going in circles.
320 · Mar 2014
Broken t h o u g h t s
Rachel Cloud Mar 2014
Sometimes I'm afraid of angels
other times I look for demons
Sometimes I'm loud and lonely and lost
other times I'm silent enough to cry
I only ever have motivation
when I'm sad
and yet, nothing ever gets done
I'm so rarely happy
I remember when I was bright
and people looked at me
and smiled
I remember when I knew what I wanted
whether I had friends
or not
I remember when the cold
bothered me
and I would drink hot chocolate
and be warm
Now it only makes me
sick
sick
s i c k
I remember when I used to
feel safe at nighttime
and I could look at mirrors
and I could talk to people
I remember when I was
a
l
i
v
e
316 · Apr 2015
Anxiety
Rachel Cloud Apr 2015
crush me, crush me, crush me down

make me dust and fire
312 · Aug 2014
Monster
Rachel Cloud Aug 2014
I'm not afraid
Of the monsters in the dark
I know what they want
And I know how to feel

Oh no,

I'm far more afraid
Of the ones in the sunlight
With their flowers
And chocolate
And secret, sheathed claws

Because I don't understand them
Or what they want
Or how I should think

Remember that
When you ask
Why I'm so
A
    L
       O
           N
               E
312 · May 2014
What has Fallen
Rachel Cloud May 2014
Heedlessly they yelled
Only whispers are heard now
They've lost their voices
Haiku
311 · Sep 2014
Thanks
Rachel Cloud Sep 2014
I don't feel betrayed,
if that's what you think
or embarrassed at all
no, I don't want that drink

you can't bribe me with water
can't make me forget
who would I tell?
you're not in my debt

so thanks for the fun,
seeing how close you have grown
thank you for reminding me
how much I'm alone
Not that you asked.
You can just keep on pretending
it never happened.

So really, thanks for helping me forget
for a day,
but I want you to know it's your fault this time
that I need to buy more yarn.
311 · Jan 2015
Dissimilar Same
Rachel Cloud Jan 2015
I am meant to feel.
I know this as true.

Yet, all the feeling I once felt is through.
309 · Feb 2015
I can't quite explain (10w)
Rachel Cloud Feb 2015
What are words
and why do they feel like dancing?
Yet they can't quite capture the feeling
296 · May 2014
As You Wish
Rachel Cloud May 2014
The mask is safety,
Though you bid, remove
While it hides faults and virtues
What have I to prove?

Write for me
They always ask
And always I decline
With each and every word for them
Then what have I that's mine?

So dragons, curses, swords, and pens
Have stories all their own
But what have I then in the end
On my word and paper throne?
A response to Wehttam's poem.
289 · Mar 2014
Bittersweet
Rachel Cloud Mar 2014
Love isn't for happiness.
   Love isn't for joy.
      Love is for screaming in agony, and knowing your pain will pain    
      another.
          Love is for sharing sorrow and finding comfort together.
               Love, when you're sad, hurts when they're happy. And
                  Love, when they cry, brings a warmth you crave. Their tears give        
                  you more, as pain makes love acute. For
               Love is revenge, and Love is fear.
            Love is destruction, and Love is rebirth.
         Love is the phoenix reborn, only to be shot in the heart.
      Love is disgusting, and Love is beautiful.
   Love is hard and dark and spiteful.

Love is kind

And Love is Death.
288 · Mar 2014
Write
Rachel Cloud Mar 2014
To write of pain,
is to bring pain onto yourself
278 · Sep 2014
How is Death?
Rachel Cloud Sep 2014
For without this sun,
How could any survive this life?
10 words
272 · Oct 2014
Tell
Rachel Cloud Oct 2014
Secrets are lies
We tell ourselves
272 · Sep 2014
Well
Rachel Cloud Sep 2014
actually, no.
you don't understand why I'm upset
Not that you asked.
271 · Aug 2015
Night
Rachel Cloud Aug 2015
I don't mind when I can't sleep
It gives me time to remember
249 · Feb 2015
Now
Rachel Cloud Feb 2015
Now
Am I afraid of tomorrow?
Yes, I think I must be.

For I can hardly feel today.
I can't imagine "next year"

— The End —