Mommy
Explain to me
these urges
They scare me
like tripping down the stairs
Just to feel my head cave in
contemplating scratching a hole through my skin
to expose the monster within
or taking the kitchen knife to my gut
Because, frankly I don't give a ****
Mommy explain to me
Why nobody will love me
cant you at least still hold me?
the world has gotten so lonely

an anchor of diamonds
reflecting light and beauty
not a crevice or a crack
no sliver of darkness
so perfectly perfect
so beautifully true

i swim to the depths
revel in the shadows
you glisten as you are
a nightlight keeping me safe
how do you stay so bright?
how do you stay so perfect?

i am a child in a library
of toys and imagination
you are patient and forgiving
beaming as i explore
i am with pirates and astronauts
a million miles away
i can feel you, my anchor
my guiding light back home

i am a drunk schoolgirl
suffocating in mistakes
you hold me steady and guide me
hold my hair as i'm disgraced
you allow me this release
no judgements or reproach
i can feel you, my anchor
my guiding light back home

i eclipse your features
still your beauty persists
we trade diamonds and regret
until we are a perfect match
and still you are beautiful
and still so absolute
how do you stay so bright?
how do you stay so perfect?

Weighs like
a tear drop sliding down pale white,
a dappled stone I found on Sanibel Island,
sunk down, deep in my pocket.

Perhaps weighs like
time:
heavy with silence
soaked in emotion,
like colored dye bleeding into white linens.

Yes, a word weighs like
time, and time weighs like stones,
I strain to hold in my palms the encumbering moment,
after you utter,
"Look, Liz, I have to be
Honest."

And you caste the word like a rock
into the lake
and watch it fall
deep, deep, deep
weighed down.

A stone that remains sunk still
in my pocket.

I often wonder if God looks down at us with a microscope
Like a small child examining ants
As we march to work and we march to school
Falling into the rhythmic beat our busy lives create for us
Doing everything we can to fall in line

I wonder if God laughs, when he sees me stumbling over small cracks in the sidewalk
Thinking I know the best way to go
Thinking that I can make it alone
Not realizing how miniscule I am in this universe that he has created

I wonder if God hears my insignificant squeak
When I turn to the heavens and attempt to roar in pride
When I bury my head in my hands and sob over Earthly things
Do God’s cheeks sting from salty tears as well?

I wonder if God’s heart breaks
As I struggle with doubt
As my heart wrestles with questions about his existence
Or does God even have a heart to break?

I wonder if God turns his head away when I attempt to meet his gaze
When I stare into the sky and challenge his authority
When I think I know more then a man who knows everything
Or do his eyes stare back into mine, as he reminds me of everything I don’t know?

I wonder if God ever wonders about me
This strange little creature that he has made
Fighting society
Attempting self-salvation
Looking up and asking questions
I wonder if he smiles

you wake up
you can feel it
you can make sense of it

it grasps you, it’s heavy
acknowledging what it wants

it takes hold of you
******* every average trend that you possess
to produce this vapid lifeless individual
you call human
that you have become.

no matter how far you run
it will always chase you
its not any fun

just that step ahead
waiting for your faults and indecisions
you try for a desperate attempt to resist

but it has you
you surrender
you sit…alone...
it takes over.

You always say you’re here for me but is it really true?
Do you really see me; can you truly see the truth?
Am I just another object, something else here in your life?
Or do you really love me; will you go with me through the fight?
Am I facing the pressure all alone, do I have you by my side?
Will you stay with me forever, hold me close and be my guide?
If I stumble or fall and hit the ground, when the tears come to my eyes,
Will you stop and sit and help me, wipe the tears when I start to cry
If I know up ahead, it’s gonna get rough and there’s no place left to hide
Will you take my hand, embrace me, hold me there until we die,
Because a battle’s not a battle unless you face it with a friend,
And I just want to hear you say “I’m with you till the end.”

a horrible sinking feeling
collapsing and compressing down on me
taking away the precious air from my lungs
and from the atmosphere around me

water seeps from my eyes
ears and eyes burning from the pressure
of the sea i'm too tired to tread
and disappearing below

i jumped in to drown them
tempting the universe to smite me
and take the voices away with it
but they are the demons inside of me

they know how to swim