Put on your make up
while we're in the car
peyote in our air
travelling through the desert
holding hands
air conditioner broke
smoking 4 dollar cigarettes
kissing
wiping the sweat off our faces
with old shirts
torn sweaters
you wore a dress
that exposed your knees
no bra
and your shoulders were bright
like your eyes
it was 100 degrees
lip stick smeared on the rear view mirror
when we kissed kansas goodbye
driving with no shoes on
let's stop for gas
but the wind
the heat the peyote and the lips of yours are
keeping me on the road
melting like hot candle wax
we stopped at a motel
the windows let in a draft of hot air
coffee machine broken
the cable television speaking spanish
making love
listening to dogs bark
as if we were aristocrats
in a private box
at an opera
the sink leaked
adding background static
to the sounds of the air conditioner humming
sputtering for air
we bought bad whiskey
took off our clothes
fell asleep in the sand mixed with mexico's moon light
when I woke up
my good sweater was gone
the 1980'd-rusted-flat tired-oldsmobile was gone
she left me a cigarette
the rest of whiskey.

"You're afraid of growing up."

Perhaps
but I see no shame in that
why would I ever want to grow up
if it means being
miserable
lonely
and drunk
like you,
Dad.
-

This wilderness beats from my bones.
The air,
Tangling through my hair,
Bells, ringing from long lost homes
Soul
Tumbling down an empty rabbit hole
Like alice.
My mind is ebbing away at
Short-lived thoughts and fantasies
Like light hood dreams.
Sunlit rays refracting past
Leafless, souless trees
Tiny watered boats on misty seas
Squelching; muddy puddles in
A rainy morning haze
Baked hot heat, dewy grass on
Lazy summer days
Pristine, soft-capped mountains
Last angle to explore
Sand, rock, pebbled beaches
(Tacky matted gloss on plastic)
Gravelled paths well trodden
Donkeys, camel, horse
Talking, shouting, screaming, morse
code on docks and oceans
Cities: loud, tall sleeping
women, men, children, babies
The noise, the love of crowds is seeping
Through my heart.
Insomnia from all these places
(People everywhere)
I cannot stop nor start.

Inside doors i feel i'm trapped
Like lion in a zoo
Around the world, i've gone and mapped
I'm wild
Through and through.

My constant.
In valleys and cliffs,
with a cigarette between lips
and a hand wrapped around swirling spirits,
my ever after happy end.

By my side, holding hands,
in the most starkest of moments
when I make outlandish demands
the only one who can know
the things I whisper when in shadows.

My eternity, my right hand,
the ace up my sleeve,
the winning hand,
my confession box,
my witless friend,
the most cursed,
my marching band.

When confronted by truth
my resilient spine,
I am my own ******
valentine.