Raw words

Raw words Jun 2014

When did I ever become so addicted?
Addicted to love and lust
My free time spent with wondrous thoughts of us
There is no us
I'm infatuated by your negligence
I want to be done with you
Once I get to the doctor
Make sure you haven't deceased me by the poor use of my body
If at any moment I believed you were my love for life
If at that second of drunken advantage you took
The man who I dated
The man or shall I say boy
The boy who I thought was so amazing
A great leader, you are not
How can I respect this person you've become
You are nothing
Less than a spec on my shoe
That is something you always knew
Let's hope I'm not diseased
And if I am
You aren't too far away
And I'll get my revenge someday
Although I know my Buddhist thoughts won't let me jump from my graceful ways
You have made me cry
You have made me stare at the wall the first time you walked out on me
Masochistic
I've become
I don't want to be
Gods help me
Pull me from this well I've dropped and drowned in
For I am a follower of a boys lost dreams
A boy who I dreamt and always do
Every second
Get over him
Get over him
Get over him
He's **** with a lack of respect
No integrity
No care
No man
He's so entitled
He's judgmental
We hate that
He's a liar
We hate that
He can't look in my eyes
He can't hold me at night
He has no love
He is ****
He is a battered human
With a soul that will deter from the karma he's obscured
Such a sorrow to not want me
For what I have to offer is so rare
I plead
In my mind I drift away from human kind
Out of me out of my bed out of my apt
You left me
Abandonment
Sadness
Grieving of life without your charismatic so ridiculously thought of who you were
A far fetch of how you are
I want a talk
But I wouldn't
I couldn't
Not after what you did
'twas not I on top while in a drunken night
At the bottom with a roofie in my eye
Eyes shut while my battered soul received more
Did that really happen?
You say I shouldn't drink so much but we all know what you did
I wasn't drunk
I was drugged
You are a coward
I will never bare your children
I took the pill for that
I knew you would leave me
I knew what happened would make my soul cry
It has
It does
I want something better
My angry words
I apologize
I am human in your eyes
I wish the best for you and I hope you have unconditional love for someone soon
I hope that you are blessed with all you wish for
I wish for your health
I wish for your happiness
I am grateful for the fun moments we shared and I understand that they will not happen again
I apologize for the broken words I've spilt towards you in my writings behind your back
Please understand they are to help me relax
I wish the best for you in whatever you do.

It's over

Raw words May 2014

Untitled

I have to get high
I want to be high
I can be alone
But the chill mind
seems better than being alone
A lot of people around
Believe me
I'm NEVER ALONE
Physically.
I feel alone in my soul lacking something more
Take a puff
Breathe
Take a puff
Please
Take a puff
Where the ****
Are you

Raw words May 2014

Israelis aren't gypsys

You left all those hairs everywhere
From that manly chest
My grizzly test
I sleep well next to you
Falling asleep with nothing to lose
With you by my side I feel alive
With you gone,
It's something we shouldn't discuss on
For I have learned more than to be calm
To cherish the moments we spend
Because you may never be back again
God please bless my soul with the vitamins so I can see
It's black around
Hard for me to smile or make a sound
I want the one who doesn't want me
It's how it goes
My relationships dwelling on hoes
Men who sleep and hold a woman's heart
And takes it with her from the start
Your Israeli but not a gypsy
Please come back and give me what you felt like
Love
Serenity
Calm love
Real easy love
My oppression of what I gave to you
My heart pieces of my soul
From poetry I read while you held my *******
From talks of a man who made me who does not exist anymore
I felt something more
With you
I cried over you
I don't do that
I wanted you
I still want you
But if you come back, you'll do this again
Never communicate like a solid man
Like my wonderful dream husband I thought you might be

In love with ideals of who I'm wishing someone who be, because without him here we'll never know

#guys

Raw words May 2014

Looking through windows

I stare out the window wishing you'll come walking
around that wall
Where are you
For a short time I felt secure with you
Did I do something to deserve the blank numb stares I give outside?
I'm obsessed and down at the same time
Wishing non stop every minute of the days that pass for you to come back
My heart is wrenched and slowly breaking
Turning kneads into bitter broken leaves
My poetry is sad
You're the one I want please be who I hope and who I was so sure of that you'd be
I feel you watching me
I'm sure you're not
I promise I think he's my love
Another husband?
No. Security is what I felt
I didn't question it
he is it
There I go looking out that window again
Come sit and wait for me like you once did
Come see the rainbow after the storm the way you did
Come snuggle my cheeks the way you once did
Come lay with me tell me how amazing it feels to just be together
Why did I ruin it
Alcohol
It ruins more than livers
I can't walk anywhere without you in my front mind
I can't walk for myself without you
I'm walking with the blues I have for you
Looking again
Is it him
I'm obsessed.

#guys

Raw words May 2014

Done

He broke my heart so quickly
So fast as I hoped it'd be
Faster than my mouth could speak
I couldn't get a word in
That was it
It was over
The love I'd hoped he'd be
He broke my dreams
So easily
Like an hor dourve
No thank you please
Priorities.

From his smile

#guys

Raw words Apr 2014

Diseased

How could I not think of something that presses on my soul so deeply in thoughts that this physical life might leave me
As I questioned why to live before
Now I endure
A sickness that is taken the physical form of something life altering and born

Raw words Mar 2014

Alone

I started to wonder why I had no friends
Sitting on the beach
Tears drain from my eyes
Drips and fear of my demise
True friends are hard to find and I've never trusted mine
I do not know there hopes and fears
As they do not know mine
I am fine left alone
Although my jealousy rust my bones
Growing older and confused about what I own
Why I'm here
I start to live in fear
For the unknown and the ones who promise me words with nothing to show
My trust is strong and I hope to live long
But this mind is badgering and I start to deteriorate the own
My skin bleeds as I strive for something that can never be seen
This flesh is pointless
This mind is pointless
What is love but a burden on my soul
Trusting another seems so unknown
I don't know
How to
Love you