cherry blossom trees crowded the ladder of my ribs
and the toothpicks that held my chest so gently was
eradicated and fell apart like a house of cards blown
by the sharpness of the wind and i found myself
                                                                                     looking back at myself into the small looking glass
                                                                                     where i found a peace of mind in a strange world
                                                                                     where time does not define you, imagination does
                                                                                     and maybe that's where i belong, human purpose
is so fickle, we are restricted inside this demented
dimension where our mortality is all we know,
where we find ourselves being the pawn in a sea
of kings and queen, where our nightmares consist
                                                                                       of reality, in the mirror, we see an ugly duckling
                                                                                       when we really are swans, basking in the warm
                                                                                       sunlight, where the gears in our heart turn with
                                                                                       out pause, happiness is everlasting in fantasy

- kra

more than ever i am in conversation
with the nymphs that live in my heart.
one is tapping her foot against
the fleshy underside of me.
her mirror twin is picking at her
cuticles, demanding touch,
demanding pulling at hair
demanding deep, slow kisses.

but both know neither
wants to be kissed
or touched
without meaning anymore.

i no longer want to be had,
i want to be loved.

*january/30/2014/4:38 P.M.

there are some men i should no longer kiss
i know this in the deep and thirsty pit of my body.
in the arch my back creates when they are close.
in the choruses of anticipation my entire body
hums out as their tongues meet mine.

these men,
i should really keep from.
one in particular,
he leaves such hunger on my body.
he leaves his name where he kisses my cheeks,
his presence inbetween my fingers long after he has gone.

in my dreams i blend the two of you together.
you share the same skin tone already,
almost the same hair colour.
but one pair of eyes
gives way to the colour of the other.
i look into them and think warmth, safety, kindness.
but they still hold the other's alertness, the same beam.

one's body falls into the other's gait.
strong, broad, muscled with soft force
now carried with confidence and ego
that melts my knees.

laughs come together as something
like a grab at my chest, or waist,
or a hand behind my ear, or at the back of my neck.
the thought of it forces me to lick my lips.
hands remain in their already similar manner.
voices boil down to love potion.
lips to plushy incantation.
stretch marks, scars,
and treasure trails begin
to double up.

chest hair sprouts where
it once wasn't.

part of me is disgusted by my dreaming
of a crock *** boy that once was two.
but another part knows
neither of them wants me wholly
either.

*friday/january 17/2014/12:16 A.M.

I sat next you,
watching you search for God
3,000 miles in limbo
hoping you didn't find
the mumbo jumbo I did
when I really thought about dusty books.

You asked for weather updates.
Please.
So I whispered in your cemented ears,
'cause you can't see a ******* thing
but progressive buildings.
It was as grey as the inside of your eyelids, anyway.

Right when I walked in,
my face went dead pan
with your fresh decision to die.

Anyway,
I sat.
I whispered.
It was fine.

I spectated on our situation.
Your sweating breathes,
my sweating eyes.
We're natural.
We don't matter.
Emotions are natural.
They don't matter.

When the dusted books disintegrate,
and mumbo jumbo weasels from
that little pocket most have cemented shut,
we'll feel much better.
I do feel much better.

Feel freely
fall freely
observe in captivation
stay here, while there.

Purpose
has only brought stress.
Try absurdity.
Try reality.