Only a crack,
a fissure between the fabric and the wall;
but the sunlight is bright enough
to make me want to close my eyes.
I don't, though;
darkness is not an option today.

this is what you get when you are honest
like, really honest
like, the kind of honest where it takes you an hour
to find the courage to be yourself
and have it choked back down
by your own clenching jaw, saying
stop it with that honesty, idiot
you're making a fool of yourself
if those tears let loose
your pride will trickle out with them
and we can't have that can we?
this is what you get when you are honest
no
this is what you get when you try to be honest
a reminder
that it's a virtue best left untouched
or at least framed
like a pretty picture
a painting of pride
once the acrylic has dried
(and it doesn't take long)
you'll be fine

radio silence
now, that's nice
keep it up, dear midnight world
and i will be there with you
writing words
to fill the pinpricks left by stars
that died a long time ago, hey
somebody's gotta do it
may as well be me

oh ****, a feeling
of foreboding, lusting after my shadow
nipping at my heels, and i hate it
i can't help but curse the ground i walk on
for showing my footprints, because now
this feeling has followed me home
**** cement, **** worn-down road
**** every hard surface
because all i want to do is lie down
mid-stride, in the middle of crossing
i just want to sleep, rip the pounding bass from my ears
and be awash with silence
except i know, logically
that i might die
would it be worth it? somehow i doubt that
but still, it's just that every time i feel this way
all i can think is
stop
drop
and roll, something is on fire
and from within the icy confines of my hard bone structure
comes a voice, saying
oh please, **** cement god
please let it be me

it was a day of sentences
snapped clean off at the root
and pulled from my mouth
like wisdom teeth
until i had none left
and i was out of words
out of breath

it was a day of stones
clinging tight to the walls of my throat
pebbles in my shoes
and boulders reduced to ash
slipping through my fingers
not enough to hurt anyone
but still stinging my eyes

it was a day of pink cheeks
not the tipsy, happy pink
but rather the wilted kind
inadvertently displaying
the red inside

it was a day of clenched fists
hands working overtime
dancing some twisted dance with no purpose
wringing, singing
an anxious song
as i stayed stubbornly in my seat
resisting the urge to dance along

it was a day of a need to run
into the bushes, through the woods of the crowd
and out to the other side
to the greener grass
and the cloudless sky
of a few minutes of alone time

it was a day of short poems
short fuses
all moments lived while the clock just ticked
and the bomb never went off
i'm still waiting

it was a day of waiting

I kept hearing poetry today,
and like a true critic
I skimmed the cream off the milk
and saved the best bits for later,
dismissing the rest as trivial, general
life.
I edited, cut, nip-and-tuck jobs
to the words that I found on the road,
and the ones left lying under my chair
I straightened out, ironed
until they were good as new.
I took glue to my wanton collection,
pasted together each part of each story
and tried to make the edges fit.
I kept hearing poetry today,
and this is what I made of it:

it's not so bad out there today
sit down, girl, you're gonna fall
he's wrong again, i'm tired of this
i agree with you, go for it
sometimes it's good to talk about it
well, that's messed up
here, let me help you with that
you're beautiful
a compliment always does the trick
are you ready yet?
the day is finally over, thank god

That last one was me
as the door slammed shut
and the wild poetry was left outside
to consort with the wind
and bother somebody else.

"surprise me"
that's what i wanted to say
ever felt like i held back? well i did
but it's not what you think at all, no wall
hiding unknown i don't love you's
or small problems just waiting to erupt, no
that isn't it, i just wanted to say
"surprise me"

but i never let myself ask
and i truly believe this was the right decision
because i can live with suspense
and with secret resentment
and comfortable silence, but never
never with disappointment
and i know for a fact that "surprise me"
would have surprised you, taken aback
you would have been like a fish out of water
that classic old term, gasping
for the air necessary to comply
and you would have died like that, thrashing out
a clear pattern onto the soft grass, spelling
"sorry"

and maybe this image is too violent
for such a trivial thing
but the fact is, it's like that to me
a life-or-death moment, that question
because if you can't surprise me
"please, anything, do it for me"

if you can't surprise me
then nobody can
and i know you can't
so nobody can

there's gotta be somebody out there
who can surprise me