I'm tired of this back and forth game,
We both fight so hard,
But what for,
I would give anything,
To have you back on my side,
If I begged,
Would you do anything,
Or would you turn back to the door,
I will take all the blame,
Just to see the light back in your eyes,
I don't want to leave,
But if it's really what you want,
I'd do that for you.

If I could stomach the sound,
If I could recognize the words;
Maybe I wouldn't be so broke,
Maybe I could move to
Bigger and better things;
On the ground here I'm nothing,
I can hardly breathe;
In out, in out;
I find it hard to see,
What happen to me;
I become the hate
I told myself wasn't there;
Yell out for help,
I get blank stares
To save me from the nothing,
To teach me to feel,
I shout "save me",
Nobodies there

You can't make plans, you only break them;
Being on time is a concept you don't understand,
All those little quarks,
Those little moments when I look at you and wonder "Why",
But then you say something so incredibly clever;
that has me laughing at your feet,
You taught me how to smile at a time that I didn't have a reason to,
I had never had a friend like you,
I don't remember the exact day you stumbled in my life,
But I know that I'll never forget,
Your high pitched voice and boney hands,
I found you,
And you became my best friend.

It's been a few weeks and the feelings haven't faded,
I was so confident that you'd come around;
I'm not holding on to you because I'm scared for you to leave,
I'm holding on because your the only thing I got right;
Don't make me wake up alone again tonight,
Hoping to be warmed by your touch;
Everything we used to argue about,
Everything we used to do,
I can't accept that your love faded like you said it to,
Believe me when I say, I wish I could stop loving you,
But that's something I'll never be able to do;
It's not your love I'm begging for anymore,
It's every part of you;
If you didn't believe I loved you,
I wouldn't be waiting here for you,
People think I'm crazy,
I'm sure that it's true,
I don't care what people think, I only care about you;
Never have I ever felt the way I feel about you.

I'm skeptical of his intentions,
Yet, he's sure about his feelings,
We've done this before,
We've don't this a million times,
His love for me fails,
Or that's what I believe,
But he hangs around,
waiting for me;

He's faster then I am,
I'm smarter then him though,
He treats me like a fool,
But he loves me foolish ways,
I don't believe what he says,
But I trust what he does,
And he sticks around,
Waiting for me;

I wait for the day,
That he turns away from me,
Going into the arms of another woman,
Who can love him tight,
Kiss him goodnight,
Forever to do what I couldn't,
But still he hangs around,
No matter the weather or time,
Waiting for me

I was hopeful,
You were haunting,
Now we stand together,
Somewhere we'd never thought we'd be,
Your calloused hand in mine,
My thigh brushing against yours,
I don't see anyone else in this room,
And my devils are saying give into you.

The delusion of our relationship,
No need to believe it,
We fit no mold,
Even we tried to say we were different,
But we were the same,
Denying the facts,
We'd never be able to stay;

Some couples say they'll last forever,
No false ideas about it,
At the end we'll have played a good game,
Either way, we both lost it,
Now we can wave,
Then apart we can leave,
With no gain, not much loss,
Together we'll never be.

The love I was searching for,
The hands I wanted to hold,
Every moment that passed by,
Every comment I made,
It didn't mean anything,
After the day that you found me.

Calloused hands slid over me then grips desperately;
The skin on my hips cry for mercy when he grabs hold of me,
I feel your head on my bare shoulder;
A beat of sweat drips down from your brow,
A long leg possessively lays over mine,
Your body tenses,
I know you're dying inside,
I feel the shake.
In sleep you're chased by nasty dreams,
Of a war that you remember distinctively.
His teeth set into my shoulder, I start to scream,
In a blink of an eye he was awake;
Panting, sweating, fearful;
His eyes look at me,
See's the destruction that he made,
It makes him feel like less of a man.
Standing to get a cigarette,
I press my cheek to his,
"I'm a monster" He says,
He believes it.
He's disgusted with himself looking at my ****** hips,
That's what a hero looks like I tell him,
He swears for mercy for himself;
I need a cigarette.

He wakes up at the crack of dawn,
Smokes a pack a day,
He likes a shot of whiskey; at the end of every day,
The sink is never washed the way I like,
My refrigerator has never been the same;
He forgets his coat on the floor,
He doesn't make seven figures a year,
I would love to say I adore him in every way,
But I don't think that every year when he forgets our anniversary,
Most would have parted ways,
But no, not me;
He does a lot wrong,
I'll never forget the day,
He asked my brother at Christmas dinner,
If he went either way,
But I love that man, with everything inside of me, that I won't deny.

I could never repay him for the right he does,
Although there's more wrongs
The way he holds me in bed,
The way he's the first to make coffee,
The way he puts my earrings away;
He hands me a ***** tonic,
He mows the lawn,
He kicks my tires,
Changes my oils at inconvenient times,
I know he lost his watch, I bought for his birthday,
But I could never repay the way he treats our son,
The way he tries to braid our daughter's hair,
The way after all these years he still whispers "I love you" in my ear,
I don't care if he could ignore every Valentines day,
I'll still love him for his rights.

Another restless fight,
This'll keep me up all night,
I know there's nothing I can do,
So we blame it on my so called "attitude",
You stand high acting crude,
Protection that what I wanted to provide,
I couldn't help Daddy dying,
There's nothing more I can give,
Now like enemies we stand on separate lines;
Muttering about how we're fine,
But pain still lives inside,
The past still consumes us,
We still argue about what we didn't do.

You resent me,
I know you do,
It's not what you say,
It's the tone in your voice when you storm away,
When you speak about me,
Acting like I do terrible deeds,
Just because I'm the seed of a man who did terrible things,
But he's dying now,
At this slow pace,
I know the memories could never be erased,
Although, I'm his spitting image,
Don't hate me too,
How long will you make me pay,
Mommy, just say you forgive me for the things I didn't do.

Forgive me Father; for I have sinned,
Look what I just did again,
Give me grace to let them in;
What I monster I've became,
I can hardly live this way,
I struggle everyday,
Is this the way it was suppose to be;

Wish I could just skip rocks and play make-believe,
Reality's tearing away every unbroken piece,
No way to get some inner peace;

Everybody stay away
Your not safe with me this way,
I have no boundaries no regrets,
No hope for turning back;

Life it to real to stand her comfortably,
So mentally I'm ****** up,
all these doors shut,
But nobody cares,
I'm not any one anymore;

Daddy's gone,
And Momma's getting there,
I can barely look at myself in the mirror,
My image just keeps getting clearer,
What I never wanted to be,
Is all I ever see;

The hate just eats away at me,
There's no escaping for me,
I'm the monster they created,
Father forgive me Father for I have sinned.

Buzz and beeps from machines,
Air pushes in and out,
Your chest moves,
My knees shake;
Yet I try to seem steady.
There's a rawness in my throat,
A hole in my belly,
I feel as though I should just drop to the ground to cry
The nurses look at me with pity,
The doctors glance as they go by,
And there I am;
Watching you die.

She's wrapped up tightly, with one leg dangling off the bed,
He enters, She hears his every move,
She wonders if there's any use in begging anymore,
His draws open, He unzips the empty suitcase,
She feels her chest tighten,
He tosses things in the bag,
She tries not to gasp for air,
He closes his draws,
She tightens her grip on the sheets,
He walks to the closet,
She chokes back the lump in her throat,
He grabs his shoes,
She can't bare to move,
He walks to the bed, watches her struggle,
She wants to stop him,
He doesn't want to leave,
"Please, no." She pleads to herself,
"Tell me don't go" He continues to think.

Contrary to your belief,
And unlike whatever you think,
I don't regret our time,
And if we're making confessions,
I'll go ahead and make mine,
That your the only thing I got right.

I'll admit I think back,
I'll admit I miss you,
And sometimes I wonder,
Pondering my thoughts,
I know the truth,
I couldn't hate you,
Even if I tried to;

I know you regret us,
I know you want to take it all back,
But I'll treasure that time,
That year of my life,
That belonged to you,
The one year,
I got something right.

Failure's a bitter pill to swallow,
Life hits a spore spot,
But if you believe we can do this,
I'll believe in you;

Sometimes I want to call it a day,
I want to go our separate ways,
But then you tell me how we're right,
And I don't want to leave;

We're ****** if we do,
We're ****** if we don't,
That's a part of this game we play,
But I'm the best player you'll ever take.

Let's throw in the towel,
And go on our way,
You know I love you,
But you know I won't stay..

We'll see him in the news one day,
One way or another,
A feature on business,
Or an obitchuary,
Everybody'll morn,
They'll say they never saw it coming,
But when he pleaded for help;
You were to busy to look his way
Poor kid begging on his knees,
He knew his fait,
When you looked past it,
Now he's gone,
He could of changed the world,
But we all were to busy;
To ever see it coming,
We didn't just lose a number in population,
We lost a child,
We could of done something,
I can't help but think;
We could of done something.

The halls were dark,
The walls were dry,
And I went alone;
The windows were fogged,
And I couldn't see anything clearly;
Then out of the corner of my eye I saw you.
Everything path I  ever walked down,
Every empty face I  ever passed,
Nothing ever stood out to me,
Then I saw something new,
Something I never knew,
And it was you.
The love you gave me,
The way you saved me,
I've never loved anyone like you before.
Like a new sight,
You were my light,
You lead my way.

Down the aisle he followed,
Whispering to turn back,
He pulled at my hair,
Tore at my dress,
Constantly telling me it's not right,
Secretly I knew,
I knew that wasn't the man I loved,
I knew I gave my heart away long ago,
But I continued to the alter,
As though I had no choice;
When I got to the first step,
I was pulled back,
Maybe from the man on my shoulder,
Maybe from the man in my heart,
And away I ran,
With my in-laws wide eyed;
I'm sure his mother cheered,
I'm sure my mother cried,
But I don't love him,
Lord knows I tried.

Smoke on the mirrors,
Wish I could see you clearer,
But there's something between us,
I should of seen the lies,
I should of caught you in the web,
But when your in it,
You can't see a thing,
So here I am begging,
Let me see what's inside,
Instead of believing these lies.

Your chasing a ghost,
Stop beating the horse,
Just let it die,
I respond with;
Trust me I've tried.

Shake me like your toy,
Tear me down,
Knock me to the floor,
Leave me looking up,
Hit me with your fists,
Kick me in the side,
Twist and contort my body anyway you want,
Bite me till your tear my flesh,
Break me to pieces,
Oh hate me like you do,
I adore the abuse.

Clever memory,
Must you float away from me,
Leaving me chasing,
Something that was temporary given to me,
Clever thought in my mind,
Giving graciously all to me,
Taking up all this time,
Please don't leave me to forget,
The best thing I had,
Don't leave me now,
But for now you stay,
In the back of my mind,
Teasing me with fading away,
You clever little memory.

How long will it take,
How long will you be used,
You toss every hurt word aside,
When will I not be the only one on your side,
Will your tears ever dry,
From where he knocks you down each time,
When will you say it's enough,
When will you walk away from it all,
When will you say it's not okay,
How will you heal,
When he continues to make new wounds,
When will you leave this all,
Sorry for this cruel truth,
The cruel truth about you.

My phone rang a few times last night,
Each time I wished it was you,
But every time I check
It was someone else,
That was tough to do;
I closed my eyes last night,
In hopes when I opened them you'd be by my side,
But when I did,
I was faced with the truth
That you were gone;
I weep by your grave,
I weep in our bed,
I just want to be where you are;
Now if you really must know how I am,
I should let you know,
I'm not doing so well,
Since you've been gone,
You told me to be happy,
But I just can't move on,
And it's tough.

I hear your back in town,
Right down the street,
I wonder when we'll meet,
If when you see me you'll speak,
Our love ran deep,
But now we just weep,
At the thought of the past,
We thought it would last,
I was sure of it,
cause you were the benefit.

The leaves fell off the trees,
The grass' color faded,
The sky got darker,
And I don't mind saying,
That I miss you;

The weather turned cold,
The holidays are coming soon,
And when I close my eyes I picture you beside me,
Yet I don't mind admitting,
That I miss you;

The clouds roll above,
Time travels on,
Somewhere beside the sea you'll be,
And I don't mind insisting,
That I miss you;

When I walk down the street,
All the faces I see,
The people that speak,
But I still notice my hands are empty,
And I don't mind you knowing,
That I still miss you.

Every day's the same,
And when it's not,
The world feels as though,
It would fall apart;

If the tree isn't lit,
If the dogs don't go out,
I turn for a panic,
and start to run about;

If I don't feel sorry for myself,
I don't know what to do,
I'd sit in the corner,
So utterly confused;

So here's the truth,
About my life and all,
If it isn't dramatic,
I don't know what I'd do,
I'd be the most bored little fool.

I haven't traveled a lot,
but as far as I'm concerned,
I've been everywhere
there is in the world;

I've met many people,
I've heard every word,
and people call me foolish,
but as far as I'm concerned,
I've met everyone there is in the world;

I've read many books,
and know every word,
I quote them all,
sing every song,
and some say that's impossible,
but as far as I'm concerned,
I've read every word there is in the world;

I've had the entire world before,
And held one close,
you say it's not possible,
But as far as I'm concerned,
If I loved you,
I've had the whole world.

When I am old and gray,
And walk with a sway,
and a leopard cane,
and this tattoo starts sagging;

When I am old and gray,
With these bones that start lacking,
And these ***** that are sagging
And I start falling away;

When I am old and gray,
And set in my ways,
With a smile on my face,
And a grandchild at my feet,

When I am old and gray,
What a happy little old person,
I'll be,
with curls in my hair,
And a pleasant memory,
What a sweet old woman I'll be.

It is said,
that time heals everything,
but time doesn't do anything for me,
my wounds left untouched,
by the ticking of a clock;
My heart still bleeds,
With the same pain from an hour ago,
The days run together,
Every day feels like my last;
Twenty-four hours don't change anything,
Even as they add up,
The event still fresh in my head,
When will it turn to the past.

You act like it doesn't hurt me,
Like I'm some kind of robot,
Like I have no emotion,
You act like your voice doesn't crush me inside,
I'm sure you think I'm being cold,
but inside it murders me;
I listen to every voicemail,
I cry every time,
But you wouldn't know that,
I can't take the time;
Sometimes I wonder why I fight,
I wonder why I'm not returning to you,
My heart conflicts,
Yes and No;
This is from a child who was crushed,
By a man that made promises he couldn't keep,
Now I sit staring at my feet,
And wait for a man who used to adore her,
Now I don't know what to say,
I shake with every word,
I love you dearly, but I can't do this anymore.

I see your broken pieces,
I watch them fall away,
I want you to be okay,
But I can't fix you;

You want me to be your redemption,
You want me to be your saving grace,
You want my all,
But I can't fix you;

You apologize for ever thing you've done,
And I swear I forgive you,
But I know,
I can't fix you.

I smoked a cigarette,
I took my inhaler,
I argued with my dog,
I took him out to ***;
Oh the glamour of my life,
What a person I choose to be;

I slipped in the shower,
I got soap in my eyes,
I have a bruise on my shoulder,
I got cut on my thigh,
Oh how nice is the high life,
but a web I weave;

I burnt my breakfast,
I had a drink,
My house caught on fire,
I watched it flame,
Oh how hot this life is,
What a light I see;

Me, on my pedestal,
Me, high on life,
Me, with my high expectations,
Me, taking flight,
Oh what a life I life,
What a person I choose to be,
What a fool I am,
What a fool I like to be.

Dear Harper Lee,
My little niece to be,
My heart was given to thee,
The moment you were conceived;

Dear Harper Lee,
My little angel to see,
To show you the world,
Would be an honor to me;

Dear Harper Lee,
Your five months away,
My beauty and my heart,
I'll think of you each day,
My little Harper Lee

I don't talk to stranger,
but they speak to me,
I tell them to stop it,
but they don't listen to me;

I don't follow strangers,
but they follow me,
I run away from them,
but they keep following me;

I don't believe strangers,
but they still tell me things,
I tell them to leave,
but they argue with me;

I don't live with strangers,
but they live with me,
they're always in my head,
telling me things.

I don't share my head with strangers,
but they're in there still,
I tell them to stop influencing me,
but they won't listen to me.

He swore every monster away,
Checked every closet and bed,
He told me he'd hold this world up,
Never letting it fall,
But I don't see him now;

He held his head high,
Expected better things,
He told me the stories,
That haunt him daily,
But I don't see him now;

He held my hand,
In his rough callused hands,
He walked beside me,
Stride by stride,
But  I don't see him now;

He took me places,
I dreamed about,
He played make-believe,
With a fool like me,
But I don't see him now;

Where is he,
When will be return,
When will my heart be full,
Like it once was,
But although I search,
I don't see him now.

Police cars and ambulances,
Pills and alcohol,
If you took one, you take them all;

No concern for your daughters,
No concern for your wife,
If you said your sorry, you expected it to be alright;

Failed liver,
Stomach full of pills,
If you wanted to die, you'll succeed it;

All alone,
by yourself,
If you would of kept your promises, it wouldn't be this bad.

I hear the clock tick on,
I count every second on my fingers,
I toss and turn in my grandmother's bed;

I hear Godfather on the TV,
I count the minutes till the noise stops,
I toss my hair back and turn back to the wall;

I hear the window break,
I count the men that are trying to break in,
I toss back the covers and turn to the closet;

I hear the gun shot fire,
I count the men that fall to the floor,
I toss the gun aside, and turn on the light;

I hear the sirens,
I count the puddles of blood,
I toss back the covers, and crawl into bed.