If
I
Was
Lower
Functioning
Would you
Still
Love me?

I could write something beautiful
And poetic
About his lack of love for me
But the emptiness
Consumes all my senses
And I fear all the words that come to mind when I think of him are

‘How could you?’

The boundaries we have built
The skin and flesh and blood
That you hide behind
I am unable to mend your broken bones
And set my hand upon the soft, beating thrum of your heart
I am confined to my wrinkles and my scars
I am entrapped by my scars and bruises
I am unable to touch you the way we only may be able to in death
Or bones caress each other
Our teeth gnashing violently as we fight for dominance
I will never find it possible to break beyond your walls
I am unable to full understand the complexities of your mind

In spite of everything
The earth still spins
Baby I need room to breathe
It hurts to think
But the world keeps falling down
It's like
The world doesn't revolve around me
Or something
Maybe I've always been nothing

It’s sound sick
And twisted
And melancholy

But god
I hope you miss me so much when I die

I hope you collapse in agony as my casket is lowered into the ground
I hope you plant new flowers once a week on my headstone
And wear black in mourning
I hope you never take another lover
I hope even the thought of someone touching you the way I do now makes you weep

I hope that
If nothing at all
I meant enough to you that
You break down your walls
And stop guarding your emotions
And let yourself feel the pain of my death

I pray that
Maybe if I can succeed
I’m letting you down slowly
As o fade away into nothingness
Then maybe I had a purpose

Morbid, I know

You are the sun

And I am a star

Small and distant

Wishing one day I could shine as brightly as you

Like I know every relationship has its ups and downs but loving you is like riding a rollercoaster with no brakes