i love it when you
brush the back of your hand
across my cheek
trace your finger along the nape of my neck
search every contour of my body
like a map
draw cities and landscapes
on my stomach
my arms
sending chills up my spine
raising mountains on my skin
and i know you can feel my smile
against your mouth
just like i can feel yours
and nothing has every made me happy
like the bliss that nighttime can bring
and i dread the rising sun
because in the morning
you're always gone.

your porch light was on
so i took off my shoes
and stepped inside
made myself at home
brewed a *** of coffee
curled up on the couch
beside the fireplace
and waited for you
but you never came home.

i want that kiss, the one that will
break open the ground
and swallow us both up, the one that will
take my breath away
and then give it back to me, the one that will
show me that all others before were completely wrong
and all other after won't compare, the one that will
make my insides heat up
and melt altogether, the one that will
shatter my heart
and then piece it back together.
but i don't want that from just anyone, no,
i'd prefer if it were from you.

don't tell me you love me
if you don't mean it, she said.
don't give me hope if
you're just going to dash it all away.
if you every plan on leaving, she said,
you might as well get it over with.
she threw down her defenses
and laid it all out on the line
because, she said,
even the ugly truth is much better
than the most beautiful lie.

i tried getting over you the other day.
i told my friend that i thought your friend
was cute.

for some reason i thought that maybe you'd hear
and make a scene professing your love for me
and i'd turn my back in cinematic fashion saying
you missed your chance.

but that didn't happen.

instead
the next day i woke up
and there you were beneath my eyelids
and you were there when i opened them too
and when i actually saw you
there was that familiar ache in my chest
the one that makes it fairly impossible to breathe.

it didn't work either.
that same day i no longer thought your friend
was cute.

it's like you've laid claim on me
without your knowledge.

ever so slowly
winter folds into spring
who stretches its arms in the air
yawning after a much needed sleep.
the first flowers line my sidewalk
the birds sit side by side
on the telephone wire outside my window
and the grass grows
underneath the palms of my hands.
seasons change
and i love the warmth of the new sun
but my darling
i'm still cold without you.

i thought about you today.
i thought about you yesterday.
i'll think about you tomorrow, too,
and when i'm sitting in a crowded restaurant
with voices bouncing off the walls
and forks clinking against plates,
you'll be in my head.
it doesn't matter whether
i'm completely alone
or surrounded by friends,
you're always going to have a special place
there in the back of mind.

                      i hope you don't mind.

i love the stubble
on your face
that lines your jaw
from your dark hair
all the way to your chin.

i love the way you
throw your head back
when you laugh
like it's the funniest thing
you've ever heard.

i love how you lick
your lips slowly
and how you lock
eyes with me,
not letting me go.

i'm not in love with you
but i could be
if you let me.

i see you out of the corner of my eye
and i can feel my eyebrows pull together
in helpless adoration,
and i know the corners of my mouth
are turning up ever so slightly.
sometimes i wonder if someone else sees me
and thinks to themself
how sad,
how pathetic
this girl is,
longing for something she'll never have.
but those are the times
when i think to myself
who cares,
because i watch your slow smile,
the movement of your jawline,
the way your hair shapes your face perfectly,
and i know that
if i'm sad,
if i'm pathetic,
i don't really care.

somewhere along the line i seriously messed up.
i wasn't supposed to feel this way about you for this long.
i was always scoffing at the hearts and chocolates that accompanied february 14,
telling my friends love didn't exist,
groaning when they suggested a romantic film to watch.
but somewhere in-between the sidelong glances and the furtive smiles,
i fell for you.
now i want the hearts and chocolates and february 14,
believe love could truly happen,
watch every romantic film from start to finish.
and i'm still falling.
and i can't stop.

you say my name
because you need to tell me something
or to ask me a question,
things of that nature,
never because you just feel like it,
but even so,
the way your lips form around the word,
the way it rolls off your tongue,
it takes me breath away.

i say your name
because i'm telling everyone i know
about something you did
that made me smile
even though they've heard it a million times before,
or i'm answering the question
that's on everyone's mind,
as you're the answer for everything,
the only answer i'll ever need.

i want to say your name for the rest of time.
don't you want to say mine?

if i were a song
you'd sing me out at the top of your lungs
until your parents were banging on your door
telling you to turn it down.

if i were a centerfold
you'd tear me out
and pin me up on your wall.

if i were a steven spielberg film
you'd flip through the movie channels
and choose me to watch over all the others.

i could be the first thing you order off the menu,
the gel you use to style your hair,
the pen with which you write,
the book that you dog ear and leave notes in.

but i'm not.
so you don't.

what if i told you
that one look from you
can make my entire body
feel electric
can fill me with
such a beautiful misery

what if i told you
that you're the one
all my poems are about

you'd probably say
i was crazy

so i hold my tongue
even though my heart aches
and my fingers long
to intertwine with yours

i'd like to sit on your bookshelf
and have you
run your fingers down the length of my spine
extract me from among the others
open me up
delve deep and explore
and when people ask
and you tell them your favorite book
you'd say my name

someday
the right boy will come along
the one who will
make your toes curl
the one who will
kiss all your bruises
and the tips of your fingers

he will pinpoint your beauty
and extract it from you
make it brighter
like the light switch on the wall

he will lift your lips
to his
look into your eyes
and say that he understands
that you're no longer alone

patience is a virtue
my dear

you are the water spot
after the car has been sitting out
for too long
once the rain has ceased
and no matter how hard i try
you won't go away
you just keep fading
and then coming back

you are the telemarketer
the one who keeps calling
even when i hang up
every time

it's this love
the kind that makes my chest ache
and travels all the way
                                         d
                                            o
                                               w
                                                   n
                                                       to my fingers

so i'll continue
leaving my car out in the rain
picking up the phone
because i never want you to leave