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i’m typically

good with words,

i can string them together

to create something similar
to when 
you look up and see sunlight

streaming through overhead trees

while standing in the middle 
of a dense forest

i’m typically good with words,

and i’ve strung plenty together about you,

but i’m getting to the point where 
the letters
are slowly disappearing

from the dictionary 
in my mind

you’ve taken my vocabulary

and jumbled it up

stealing x’s and o’s

and plenty of z’s

replaced with late nights

thinking of what it’d be like

to place my hand on your chest

and feel your heart beat
i spent a lot of time
searching for affection
in shallow spaces

i gave people bits of me
they didn’t deserve
and i let myself be hurt,
because i thought
that’s what i deserved

but once i let go
of trying to shove puzzle pieces
in places that did not fit,
once i let go of all the hate
i secretly had stored in the
gashes that decorate my heart

i met you
the pages in my journal
do not hold enough space
for me to describe
in messy blue ink
how beautiful
you’ve made me feel
these past few days

rainy afternoons
are less gloomy
  and the stars seem
so much easier to reach
from the cloud
you’ve put me on

i’ve been feeling
so much lighter
since i met you
i asked
what you would wish for
if a genie
granted you three wishes

and none of your wishes
had anything to do
with me
when i asked you
why you're so sweet
and you replied

"because i like your smile,
you wear it so well
and if i can help with you smiling
then the world is a better place"

you stole the air from my lungs
in a pure and tragic manner

because one,
nobody
has ever been
so genuinely kind to me
i wish i could make you feel
as special as you make
me feel

and two,
i instantly thought
of my future
and it hurt my heart
because i'm almost certain
you won't be there
there's something
entrancing about you,
i hear melodies like honey
when you enter my mind

you make me smile
even when
the rain is falling
and i think i could
make you happy, too

the two of us together
could be as beautiful as
the setting sun

but of course
the wicked reality is
we'll never get
the chance
i can't tell you
all the things
i want to say

because telling you
how i feel
wouldn't be fair

i just wish
keeping it inside
didn't hurt so much
no matter what i do,
i will never be good enough
for you

people tell me not to care,
that i just need to be tough,
but that isn't fair

because how do you stop caring?
it's not like pain
is a switch i can just turn off

you keep hurting me
and i need to learn that
maybe without you, i'm better off
keep your mind
on a tight leash
because if you let
your thoughts wander
they may end up in the clouds
where your hopes
are in the perfect position
to tragically fall
although
the world is dirt,
i have seen
the most beautiful flowers
spring up
from its soil

(please do not pluck them all)

every rose
has its thorn, but
that shouldn't be a reason
to neglect its petals
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