I feel so empty now. I thought maybe if we did this again, it could go back to when we were so close to being an us. I do so want your affections it hurts me to know I was just inches away from having you...but I let you slip away like sand through my fingers. I thought if I gave you everything, you would just maybe want me too. That isn't the case though. You are just you, and I am just me.

We all wear masks to cover up our
Scars
The cracks we have
The scene we try to forget
But
Someone can see though our masks
And we can't control that

I think I am just done.
I can't be her.
I will never be her.
I never want to be her.
I want to be something.
But,
I don't that will ever happen.

I don't know where to start,
Where to begin.
I am kind of lost,
But I have a map.
But,
I can't read it.
I have a light in the dark,
But I still can't see where I am going.
All I know is I am already in too deep to back out.
So there is nothing left for me to do.
Other than push on and find my way to an end.

I need to cut myself off from you..
But you,
You,
Have become an addiction.
And I don't know if I am strong enough to break it.

Love is a weird thing to think about.
You can be in it,
You can be it,
It can be given to you,
You can give it.
But sometimes,
We don't know where we stand in it.

This is it.
I'm done.
I refuse to live my life in fear of anything or anyone.
I will not cower in the dark corners of life and watch everything go by me.
So I challenge you Life,
Give my your worst.

So here we are yet again.
She is gone and I couldn't be happier.
Not because I want you,
But for the simple fact that you are done being
lied to
dragged alone
and used.
And being first in your book,
isn't bad either.

I want to
SCREAM
I want to
YELL
I want you to
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Stop telling me how to live my life and let me live it!

I sometimes think of the flow

That seems to be everywhere

How the energy I feel

Comes from people

Who have no idea

How powerful they are

I just want to keep living my life the way I am.
I'm happy.
It may not be the best way to live.
I may not live the way some think I should,
But I feel so free.
I don't want to lose this feeling.

Today is better than last night.
I don't feel as empty.
But now, I'm full of something like hate.
I don't hate you.
But I don't want to be around you either.
Even though today is better than last night,
Today, still is not as good as that short amount of time.

They say you have found
L O V E
When you find someone to
C O M P L E T E
you

When that someone
F I L L S
in the
C R A C K S
left by those before them

This person is your
O T H E R
half, as if you aren't
W H O L E

But what happens when two whole people fall in love?

I have been told
I have a devious
Smirk

That it gives away
My ill intentions

My smirk is nothing more
Than the
Thoughts
I have

When you have no idea what I'm thinking

Sitting eyes closed, and you put makeup on the marks you left on my skin. Slightly funny how we have to cover up our affections.

There are things you don't think to do for yourself
Like pick up your towels
Or close the bottle of pain killers
Like take time away
Or reset after a lot of stress
But I want to be the one to do those things for you
But I almost feel like I don't know how.

Love,

You make me want to make you beg.
For kisses
For air
For me

You make me want to lose myself, to lose

Control

But not yet love.

Tonight you left for work
And said
"I love you dear"
And in that moment,
I knew,
This was all I ever wanted

Her is loud, demanding, and driven.
Her is logic and cold.
Her is what she needs to be to survive.
Because her is nothing but survival.

But she,
She is soft, kind, and quiet.
She is of dreams and desires.
Soft kisses on rainy days
And quiet contemplation winter nights.

Unlike her, she moves with the season and the ebb and flow of enegery.
Her only allows she out in the times of midnights without expectations.

I have this
Feeling
It isn't
Bad
It isn't
Good
It just is
This place doesn't feel like home
This is not my space
My space has become
Within you
I have taken up
Residency
In your heart
And I don't plan on leaving

Tonight you spoke of our future.
How it would be you with dice and me reading.
Two fat Tabby cats and some chickens.
And my heart was so full....
You joked about us being old spinsters
But honestly,
I couldn't think of anything I have ever wanted more.
I almost burst

I could tell you how your smile stops me dead in my tracks.

Or how you laugh makes my heart sing.

How your eyes remind me of blue pools of light, shining in to the darkness.

But I won't.

Because these feelings I have are not for you yet.

I don't think you'll know what to do with them.

You hardly know how to be loved....

But

If you let me

I'll show you that you light up rooms, and buildings, and back alleys where we shouldn't be.
How you standing by me makes me feel like I have everything I'd ever need in this life.
That the feelings in my chest are begging to come out and explode into more than "I love you"

Because this is more than I love you

And I don't know how to tell you that yet.

I tried to lie and say I didn't want you
How you'd never be interested in someone like me
That girls like me never get girls like you

Oh love I tried so hard to lie
To me
To you
To anyone who asked....

But my lies failed me
And they failed hard

Because you are the key to the cage
The whisper on the breeze
The whiskey on my lips

Everyone sees
And everyone knows
That I tried to lie my way out of loving you

And you tore my lie apart.

My kisses probably have only ever tasted like
***,
whiskey,
or *****

Today's cold is the kind of
Cold
That settles into your bones.
It's not so cold that it hurts,
But it sits in you
Like sadness
And the grey of the sky.