I just want to keep living my life the way I am.
I'm happy.
It may not be the best way to live.
I may not live the way some think I should,
But I feel so free.
I don't want to lose this feeling.

I want to
SCREAM
I want to
YELL
I want you to
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Stop telling me how to live my life and let me live it!

I am just so frustrated!
How can you tell me how I feel!?
You have NO idea at all!!
Wanna know how I know?
Because I don't even know!

I am confused.
I want us.
Then again,
I don't.

You were my best friend. The first person I ever let get close to me.
You and I were closer than any boyfriend I ever had. Even the one I was going to marry.
But,
Today, you broke me.
You made me drive you away.
You were right. I cut off the people I get close to.
I wanted to badly to keep you around.
But you started manipulating me again. Started to push the buttons you know not to push.
I told you to stop. I was almost pleading with you.
I want my best friend back. But not anymore.
I can't do it.

I don't care what you say.
I really don't.
I just want this.
I don't know why.
I can't give you a logical reason.
All I can give you is my heart.
And hope you don't break it.

You gave me a little slice of hope.
I told you how I feel about you and you said the same.
Then you said you wanted to think about it.
That was three  days ago.
I understand you want time.
But this is one of those things that you cannot make the heart wait for.
I want to be with you,
Show you I am not like those other girls.
I know I have made mistakes.
I know I am not perfect.
But I want to show you.
This is killing me.
I have been going back and forth between being optimistic and just throwing everything I feel away.
I want to be with you like I have never wanted to be with anyone before.
I want that chance.
But right now,
I don't think you will give it to me.
But I still hold onto that little shred of hope I have left.

I am a sucker for:
The sweet boy
The loyal boy
The boy in uniform
The boy who can talk to me
The boy who treats me well
The boy who is ready to be a man
But really,
I'm just a sucker for you.

But, then there he is.
Someone new.
Someone that I think will treat me like a
Queen.
He is respectful in a simple way.
Never getting loud,
Never pressuring me into anything,
Wanting to legitimately be there for me.
So why am I having a hard time deciding what I want?

I need to cut myself off from you..
But you,
You,
Have become an addiction.
And I don't know if I am strong enough to break it.

We slept together the other night.
Not in a ***** way, but slept like sleep.
You told me I could cuddle up with you.
I pounced on the opportunity.
I knew the second you wrapped me up in your arms, there was no hope for my poor soul.
I melted.
We cuddled all night, in one way or another.
I wanted nothing more than to stay that way with you forever.
Now that time has come to pass.
And I want more.
My heart has become hungry for it.

I want to get on a boat and sail away.
Far, far from the shores that are binding me here.
Being at the winds mercy blowing where it may.
I want to leave because of what happened dear.
I do not hold a grudge against you though.
I could, and for myself, I probably should.
Alas I do not, and this you should know.
I almost loved you, you were my Robin Hood.
But now you are nothing but a person to me.
Just another ripple in my sea of dreams.
You lied, and used me, this you can agree.
Now thoughts of you just blend with the streams.
I want to get on a boat and sail away.
Being at the winds mercy, blowing where they may.

I look at everything put in front of me as a challenge to be overcome and destroyed.

You are my best friend.
We laugh at our inside jokes,
Dance in the car,
Freak out about the classes we are taking together,
And are always here for eachother when things get hard.
We met not too long ago
But you are like my sister.
I feel so blessed to have friend like you.

You say you hate
Liers.
You say you hate
Two-faced people.
You say you want
Truth.
But to get
Truth,
You have to stop
Lying first.

I will not lose.
Not many women in my family have.
But you have always been there.
You almost took my grandmother's life.
Then, you tried to take my mother's.
You have touched every woman in my family.
I will not bow down to you.
I am a fighter.
You will not take my life.
I will come after you with a vengeance.
You
Will
Never
Win.

I am a mother bear.
You do not mess with the people I care deeply about.
               Because there are not many of them.
Do not step over the line.
I will tell you that you have gone too far.
Do not try and destroy the people I put up high.
Because if you do,
This mother bear will destroy you.

You are cute.
Not the, "wow look at his abs" cute,
but the sweet cute.
You said I have a pretty face.
I just had to laugh.
You called me pretty lady too.
I smiled like a small child.
It was sweet.
Pure sweetness.
And,
Well,
We all know,
Sweetness is my weakness.

I don't feel empty anymore.
Nothing has changed between us.
But there someone new.
He is sweet
nice
and sees past the fact that I look like I rolled out of bed just 10 minutes before.
I should have never started anything.
But now,
I may have someone to love.

On the outside
I look happy
As can be.
But you know
What is sad?
No one knows
How deeply you
Have hurt me.
I would have
Loved you.....without
Reservation

Today is better than last night.
I don't feel as empty.
But now, I'm full of something like hate.
I don't hate you.
But I don't want to be around you either.
Even though today is better than last night,
Today, still is not as good as that short amount of time.

I hide how I feel to everyone, even you. or at least i try to hide it from you. But you always know. Yet we still play this little game of cat and mouse where you ask and I try not to tell. See I can't really show how I  feel...I'm too busy being strong for everyone else.

Just let me show you that through all of the lying and rumors, I can break down these walls that will not let me love, and love you.

Please, I'm begging you, just let me lay in your arms tonight. Act like you love me even though i know you never will. I feel like this void that is where my heart is supposed to be is getting bigger. So please, I'm begging you, please, just hold me tonight.

Why?
Why do I want you?
Why do I put myself through all of this?
Why do I like the quirky things you do?
Like the face you make when you are thinking.
Or when you make that heart-melting smile.
Or when you look at me with those fierce, ice blue eyes.
Why do I **** myself wanting you?
Why do I want you?
Why?

I feel so empty now. I thought maybe if we did this again, it could go back to when we were so close to being an us. I do so want your affections it hurts me to know I was just inches away from having you...but I let you slip away like sand through my fingers. I thought if I gave you everything, you would just maybe want me too. That isn't the case though. You are just you, and I am just me.