In her arms, as she held me
It all just melted away
The air was still, my mind at ease

As my sobs began to lessen
And my breathing became still
All was still, all was resting

Her arms still held me, as the tears still streamed down my face
She held me, and it was all okay

The heaving of my stomach
Hard and convulsive, as I slip down the drain
My shaky hands can't hold a tune
And my throat is sore and burning
My legs slip out from under me as my knees collapse
My heart races and my lungs skip a beat
The world spins in lazy hula-hoops arounds and around
My bottle breaks as my eyes begin slide down my cheeks
My stomach rests in knots at my feet
And I lose my causes to the unconscious desire that is human

I ****** in a healthy dose of smoke into my lungs; fire twisted and lovely. Like powder in my eyes. The ash Like sand in an hour glass, filling up my lungs like hunger. Taunting flickering flames with mouths and teeth turn me ragged with age and use. Oh the clock is ticking and the seconds are gone in the flames. The smoke is lost in my hands as the time slips by and the skulls on my door step start talking. Their bones rattle my name and the grave I can see. They are waiting for me. In the smoke and ash and dust of time. The skulls are talking on my door step.

Your living breath turns to dust as you are crowned a king
A shiny wooden box, freshly lacquered, as your thrown,
With chemical vitality in your veins
Welcome to the kingdom of worms
How grand your coronation is
With weeping women
And strong sturdy men who help you to the gate
Crowned in stone with withering flowers to match
Long live the king!

It’s coursing through her veins
Eating away at her
Making her nothing but a hollow empty shell She has her friends and family but that just adds to it
Making her just emptier and emptier
They all seem happy
Why isn't she?
But alas, happiness still evades her
In its stead, loneliness creeps in, and the feeling that no one could ever understand or love a broken girl
who is far beyond repair
She bleeds just to feel something
Anything other then this stinking feeling that fills her with dread
Fear eats away at her heart till it is gone
Compassion is by now impossible but she puts on a face to fool the crowd
The one perk of loneliness is mastering the illusion of “its okay”
She gets a lot of practice
Till soon she herself is believing
But by then she is but a fool who weeps by herself in the darkness
All alone

All of hell's angels and all of heaven's demonic beauties
Could not spare me the fools folly from once I came
And all at once I wished selfishly for a world undid
For my mortal soul should have been left to the clay
This breath is not life
This bane of unseen puppeteer
Who doth set the stage
Whose cross am I left to bare as the bell tolls and the raven flies
For evil and heaven lay in the same eye of fate
But it is us who controls the puppeteer

A bee tapping against the glass
No way out no way in
As the flowers remain outside
And I remain in
Their vibrant colours haunting the
Polygonal patterns of my eyes
As the bee thump thump thump's
It is helpless to the taunting house
Soon it will curl up on the window sill
When it is tired and out of breath
And so will I

Orange and red
Besmirched upon the ground
Oppressed winds howl in the lead hearts of man
No words are spoken
as silence swallows the land
With is haunts and its banshee calls
Shadows grow longer
and their folly is immense
As our night becomes their play ground
And their prescense becomes our fear
When the moon is high and waiting
Silver fingers
out stretched to greet the sleeping heads of man
To fill them with effervescenent dreams
Melencholy minds are set at ease as the fireside blazes
Satin stares and obscure kisses fill the night
As the seemingly never ending night
Chases the day
Secret lovers flourish
As it all just fade away

I feel like my sadness has become my default mindset
And my negativity never ceases to amaze me
In the most putrid sense of the word
*Amaze

Cold blood stirs in a barren heart
The soul long dead
And the heart flown away
Leaving an empty withering shell behind
Cracked ribs creak and break with the wheezing of breath
Cob webs and leaves litter the mind
Making thought slow and insignificant
One day the heart may come back
And enter it's withered cage
But the scars will show
And naught will be the same again

Smoke dances from my lips
Out here were there is no laws, no rules
As I sit on the rough concrete steps with the moths and the ash
as my solemn companions
The street lights stare as the heat settles close,
sweat rolling heavily off my brow
The embers speak of the god I no longer care for
in pure words so ancient only the old oaks know them
Devils wretch themselves from the smoke and dance around me
Satan himself sits beside me, kissing my lips, sweet like sin
He sits silently with me
Golden eyes like slits
I bring the **** of my cigarette to my sullen lips
and take a sugar coated drag
My lungs brimming with peace
God turns his thorny head
With a wave of his pure almighty hand
A wicked grin spreads out on the fluid curve of
my lips
I am condemned

A scream wants to tear out of my throat,no , a howl. It’s clawing my way from inside me, my heart throbbing in my chest. Poison drips from my lips in ink, staining my pale skin. My too pale skin. My hands clutch at the raw dry feeling in my throat as I try to scream but no words come out, no sounds. Finally I just give up and my hand drops to my side. In the darkness I sit huddled against the wall, alone. My heart beats slowly. Thump, thump, thump. It seems to be the only sound beside my ragged breathing. Each breath feels torturous as air fills my cracked, damaged lungs. The only lubrication for them is the metallic blood that seeps from the dry tissue. My shriveled up blood caked lips mouth words that no one will see. Pity, they were my last.

Sad eyes
For a sad girl
Its just all the make up I wear
To hide my poor mishapen soul
But I laugh because I look like a racoon
Which is just so
Because I'm rabid at heart

As the flickering candle dwindles in the darkness
Your face darkens and you look away
I know why your upset and instead of comforting you
I blow out the candle and make a wish for you
I kiss your forehead and hope for it to come true
You touch my hand to your face once and let go
I leave
I wished for you to be happy

Splintering hard unforgiving cold
Beating upon the barren ground
Like bullets from a gun
They catch what little light that manages through
They shine beautifully and sting like sin
My breath becomes puffy clouds before my eyes
Red fingers ache and groan with the chill
The world smells crisp and white
Purified of all its delightful imperfections
Snow dusts the trees in their frozen splendor
And touches the world with its bone white fingers

I am shallow like a kitty pool
And sad
With a youthful recklessness that makes me blind
And stupid
How moronic I've been
To think
That I deserve
Be hold the creation of decay

You're skin was like communion
And you're lips were like sin
As I reveled in every damnation your body could afford me
I held tight to you
Praying on bent knees for just another moment of this glory
But the seconds moved like sand between my teeth
And the time was bleed dry from my body
Left with nothing but a pillar of salt
With you're hymns still floating on my breath

Our souls are forever bound in stardust

Intertwining and dancing along with the newly born stars

Galaxies cannot stand between us

Nor can society

We met in a field of wild flowers
The sea of blue and purple were overwhelming and the smells swirled around us
I was a butterfly
Care free and happy
Newly hatched from a constricting cocoon
You were a boy who had a net
You were looking for butterflies to add to your collection
I flitted about from flower to flower
You had a pleasant smell like one of them so I came near
It turned out you had a net
And caught me with a swish
You grabbed me with your rough hands to stuff me in a jar
I didn't want to go
But I could break out of my prison  
At first I rammed the jar fiercely
Then I just gave up
For days I laid helplessly on the bottom of that jar
You didn't feed me you didn't care
I was just another pretty prize
But then one day you opened the jar with a flower
I took my chance
Into the air I flew and for the briefest moment I was free
Then you caught me again
And you crushed my wing
I was no longer the pretty full of life butterfly you sought
After you realized I was a broken toy you threw me away onto the sidewalk
Where someone stepped on me and crushed my to the pavement

Its a feeling that I'm not quite in place
The place I'm supose to be
Here amongest the civilized who share my blood
I was born wild in this house of elegant beauty
How alone I am in this mass of strangers
Oh how I long to be amongest the heathens
Who howl and prowl in the open night
They are my home
But forbidden am I
And forced to act civil
Oh how I must look to my kin
Whose wildness was tamed
I am a sweet rebel in this world of rules and laws
Oh proper world and all its amenities
I just want to be with my kind
I just want to be understood

A perfect little house on a hill with a little red mailbox
The house that I never had
Two stories not one
A big oak tree in front with a tire swing that swings in the breeze
A big white house
The one I’ve never had, the one I’ve always wanted, the one I’ll never get.

In the inbetween space
Of what I am told to believe and the immense possibilities of this lying life
I converse with the devil and the god who are all the same
And the room is orange with inkwells in my mind
As the birds who do not only challenge me but may not exist
How do I know if a room is there when I am not in it
What is life but a divine lie
While death is a white void
How do I know what is real and what is made
When the skin boils like meat
When humans are indestructible
Are we living

I need stone crown
Not a soft pillow
Where the worms will appreciate me
And I'll finally be of use to someone

My busted broken lip matches my busted broken ego
And the bitter taste of iron is once again a familiar tone on my tongue
The satisfaction of being right has evaded me again
As it rings ragged in my ear
As I am forced to kneel of no accord of my own
I bend with slouching shoulders
And a lazy smile
That I paint on with acid and arsenic
And I wait
For when I can mend my bruised flesh
And mollify the monster inside us all

The sweet untouchable devils
Laugh like queens of ice
Wicked words on their tongue
God holds no truth in Their Night
A girl howls absently
Gone with the love she breathed
Into Their Night's air
Gone

There is a sadness in our bones and a sinking feeling in our souls.
As the tide washes in and all that is left is black.
Our eyes are still and cold with empty thoughts.
Tears paint our faces black and blue as we disfigure and break.
But alas, we will survive, because we know what it's like to be hollow and deprived.
So, alas, we will survive.

You're neck deep in the blood pulsing through their veins
As the brain swims in this Nausea of the soul
Dizzying vibrations rock the earth out from above you
As your teeth are set on edge and the very fabric of your mind
Tears at the existence of your being
And the world's cold cruel hand tries to dig into you
And your eyes roll back in your head
And the world turns into an obscure Dali visions
Your heart set into the empty void of your youth

"Sometimes words come when you’re on an adventure. Sometimes words come when you’re alone under a starry night sky. Sometimes they beat down on you like the sun. Sometimes they softly fall from the sky like a summer rain. Words about beauty, love, war, hate. Words about passion, sorrow, tears, and smiles. Soft words that speak loud and loud words that speak soft. Words come from everywhere, all sides and all angles. The Words, however, are fleeting and frail, they only wish to be captured and remembered. Stories of far-flung fantasy, grounded reality, dark and dreary, or light and uplifting. This is the Soul of the Word. I sit her, waiting on the Words, waiting for their revelations and insights. My pen is eager, but the fire is starved and cold. Why won’t they come? "

Such a sad, silly girl who crawls out windows
So unhappy and such a lair
With her painted face to hide her withered features
She dreams of elsewhere
Far far elsewhere
Where her tainted past can't touch her
Run run
What sweet words
What sweet thoughts
Maybe she is just too afraid
She feels like she's cornered
She can't get out
What a sinking feeling
What a sinking existence
She thinks
But instead of running she lights a cigarette and goes to sleep
Praying it would **** her eventually

It begins life
It ends it
It hold me tight
and has no light
It fills a rabbit hole
It is always near.

I can feel the warm liquid flow over my tongue

There is a satisfying iron taste in my tongue

My lip stings from where I bit it worrying about you

Like a shawl slipped from my shoulders
Whistling in the wind
Around my head and through my fingers
Slick like oil and pure like snow
I reached for it and it was there no more
Nothing to hide behind
A child no more
Gone from my eyes in a blink
A soft good bye
With nary a word nor sign that it had gone
And once it had, there was no getting it back

I am so lost
I feel like child in a sea of adults
I feel so small and helpless
I just want to crawl out of my skin
At how much I can’t do
But all I can do is cry
I’m ******* done with crying though
I’m so done with shedding tears that should have dried up years ago
I’m done with saying I’m just tires when I hurt so bad inside
Because I do hurt and I’m through with hiding it
Hiding it through false tears or just running away
Because then nothing will get done
Nothing will get fixed
And I’ll just continue to hurt
And hurt
And hurt
I don’t want to hurt anymore

They are the faint whispers of sensation
Tickling the very edges of my mind
The conscience that tells me all the sad little truths I know
It pains me
So I deny them
They are the haunting past that is mine
I cannot run
Nor do I

Utter silence pierced the night
The still stiffling endless obsidian night
Yet silence spoke true
And it rang loud in my soft ears
Calling to me
Taunting me with its sharp fingers
Its dark thoughts spun round and round
Wrapping me up in it cold embrace
Tears didn't fall
And my face didn't waffer
But was still and unmoving
And I was carried away by no tide of emotion
All I did was open my eyes and saw white
And was at peace with nothing
And felt nothing
And was nothing
Empty

But dust on the feet that hang over us
Shells, of the regrettful past we know
The only thing we know is true
Batered, ******,
Beaten
No one dare show compassion
for lack of life and harvest
They feel their end

There are meteors in your throat
While you cry moon beams
Stars falling from your mouth like and avalanche
The stardust in your soul is unrelenting
And your heart is like a super nova
As the galaxies in your bones expand
And the pain becomes clear
Your creation is like black hole
While the muses play god with your mind

It's a hollowness in the pit of my bones
Like an infection in the core of being
I can't feel anything but the sensation of caving in on myself
And have the over whelming urge that I'm about to collapse
I'm alone, So alone
And only I can hear the madness in my marrow
Or the vipers in my throat
And I am alone
So alone

I can't stand you
And the way you make me ache
At three in the morning
When I long for your whispers
And a shot of novacaine
To my heart
From where it pains me to hear the words
Or to think that I'm nothing more then Idle
And Stupid
When the clock strikes four the acid in my veins is all too much to bare
And the creaking in my bones is the echo of your heart beat

I'm taking ten steps back
Figurativly speaking of course
Really I'm just going back
To all the old things that used to make me smile
A year or two ago
That seems
So very long ago
Yet
A day or two ago
The lines are blured

I can see you crashing through my head
Although I know our love is dead
Cast into the sea with all my heart
When you said goodbye with a poison dart
That killed me on the spot
While you ran away with the lot
It makes me sick everytime
Because you made me feel so sublime
Was our love so cheap to you
That you thought another girl was due?
Well know now our love is dead
As you go crashing through my head

Oh what it would be like
To play your ribs like a piano,
Run my hands over the smooth ivory that is your skin,
To trace long the curve of your spine,
Draw all the little bumps with my finger,
To trail kisses along your jaw line,
And to lay claim to every bit of you
With every little bit of me.

When I see kids in the front seat of work vans
The old beat up ones
Or old crudy pick up trucks
Their is a pang of heart ache
Where you used to be