In the depths of my being
In the very core of my souI can feel something stirring
It’s snakes it’s way through me
There is so much of it now it hurts
Hope hurts
The hope that maybe we could be together
Across the sea
You and me
It is an irrsistable thought that nessles itself into my subcouncious
Rearing it’s beautifly stupid head when the very thought could break me
Somewhere inside of me hope lies
And no matter how much I would like to rip it out of my chest and fling it at some fool willing to listen to its soft seductive voice
But alas, I cannot
Because somewhere within me it is stirring
Cooing my name softly
Waiting for me to bite
Not I though
Long ago I fell for its tricks and charms
Now I lock it inside a box inside my heart
Sealing it forever inside me but never in control
Blind it stumbles in that box for a way out
And it found it
When you called me love
In shock, I dropped the key
Right infront of hope
Now it is free and is infesting every cell in my body
Taking over me
Knawing at my insides
So much hope it hurts
Stupid hope
Stupid stupid hope

I can feel the warm liquid flow over my tongue

There is a satisfying iron taste in my tongue

My lip stings from where I bit it worrying about you

A perfect little house on a hill with a little red mailbox
The house that I never had
Two stories not one
A big oak tree in front with a tire swing that swings in the breeze
A big white house
The one I’ve never had, the one I’ve always wanted, the one I’ll never get.

Indigo ink on the black of my heart

that stain the pages of time and wraps around my soul

As the flickering candle dwindles in the darkness
Your face darkens and you look away
I know why your upset and instead of comforting you
I blow out the candle and make a wish for you
I kiss your forehead and hope for it to come true
You touch my hand to your face once and let go
I leave
I wished for you to be happy

We met in a field of wild flowers
The sea of blue and purple were overwhelming and the smells swirled around us
I was a butterfly
Care free and happy
Newly hatched from a constricting cocoon
You were a boy who had a net
You were looking for butterflies to add to your collection
I flitted about from flower to flower
You had a pleasant smell like one of them so I came near
It turned out you had a net
And caught me with a swish
You grabbed me with your rough hands to stuff me in a jar
I didn't want to go
But I could break out of my prison  
At first I rammed the jar fiercely
Then I just gave up
For days I laid helplessly on the bottom of that jar
You didn't feed me you didn't care
I was just another pretty prize
But then one day you opened the jar with a flower
I took my chance
Into the air I flew and for the briefest moment I was free
Then you caught me again
And you crushed my wing
I was no longer the pretty full of life butterfly you sought
After you realized I was a broken toy you threw me away onto the sidewalk
Where someone stepped on me and crushed my to the pavement

My mind is always somewhere else.

Somewhere where I’m not.