Sometimes the wolves inside me threaten to tear their way out.

I’m scared

I dream of the cities far from my reach

Silently I call out for them

And the people who are long lost inside of them

My cup sat alone on a self
Not that special to anyone else
Just a little white cup with gold trim
My cup
It was the cup I used to drink tea in before she died
Now it sat on the self
The only cup of it’s kind amongst the matching china
My cup is isolated
It gets pushed to the back
And now it’s collecting dust

I stare at the girl in the mirror
Her blank expression is unsettling
The purple under her eyes has grown tremendously
And she no longer wears a smile on the corner of her lips
Then I think
"No, they have to be two separate people. This isn't’t the girl that was there three months ago. Where did she go?"
But then I realize I already know the answer
This girl
The one with dead eyes and the blank expression must have eaten the other one
Swallowed her whole
I look at her eyes again and see a flash of the other girl trying to claw her way out from this one’s stomach.
Then she is gone and I can tell she is never coming back
A single tear rolls down my cheek in empathy for her even though I’m the one that killed her.

Your right here
So close to me
I want to reach out and hold you
but you mind has drifted and now you are far
carried by the tide
Lost
but I promise to find you
Promise.

My lashes sparkle with water droplets and I can no longer feel my nose.
The sky above is gray with puffs of smoke, thick and warm.
Slowly the moon arises over the barren trees whose limbs are dusted with glittering snow.
My corduroy coat is drenched and dripping.
All over I am damp, cold, and shaking but I refuse to go inside.
I’m enjoying the clean world that smells crisp.
I’m enjoying the moon light that washes over my pale skin.
I’m enjoying the quiet darkness.
No car drives by
the snow has barricaded the roads
Alone I stand in the light of a street light
Alone I lay
I look up at the snow that slowly falls on top of me
Covering me up snowflake by snowflake
I wish that I could stay there forever
I wish that I could slowly turn numb
I wish they would find me in the morning
Then no one comes to get me so I get up and trek back to my home
A flame is burning in the fire place
The orange glow licks my white toes
the warm spreads over me and I begin to feel again
and slowly I fall
I fall into a deep sleep
With no dreams
With no cares
With no fears
And then I wake up and All the dreams
All the cares
All the fears
Return
And I wished I hadn’t come home

I can remember your face
It was the last time I saw you
I can see you clearly
With the pained expression on your face
As I read your get well cards to you
You began to mouth words
But you couldn't form the sounds
Those breathless word were the last thing you told me
I wish I knew what they were