I will never write a love poem
never tell you about
bright summer days
or warm cups of cocoa
there are millions of those
you could find them
if you really wanted to
I want my poetry to make you uncomfortable
I want it to make you think
we have an incredible ability
to look away
from what we don't want to see
but if you read my poetry
I will make you look
I will force your eyes open
and make you stare
at the ugly thing
maybe after your forced
to acknowledge it
you'll actually do something about it

at the age of 10, I was a 25-year-old woman
life is funny in that way
sometimes you have to grow up fast
sometimes a lifetime of experience and stress
is crammed down your throat
before you even learn geometry
I used to look at the other kids
as they traded their pokemon cards
and showed off their silly bands
and I wondered
how is it fair
that they get to drift through childhood
like a dream
when my own
was so violently
ripped away from me

there is a fire in my chest at the moment
it's my anger as it flares up
burning away any love I have for you
the smoke from the fire
wafts out of my mouth
along with the hateful words, I spit
you try to calm me
you try to douse the fire with freezing cold water
but my fire isn't that simple
it's electric
bright and full of passion
water cannot put it out
I have a feeling it'll burn forever
or maybe itll turn to ash with me
on my last day

I was thrown in a raging river as a child
it was dark
it was cold
it was scary
I managed to learn how to float
to calm my breath
and stay afloat
but then a sailor came along
we shall call him life
he tied bricks in rope
and hung them from my neck
a cursed gift
on land, I would've been fine
but I was in a raging river
the bricks are too many now
I can feel myself slowly sinking
unable to swim
unable to float
I hope I can somehow find a way to remove the bricks
because I know if I don't
ill drown

there are two ways
your story can end
you can live
happily ever after
or the conclusion
can simply say
the end
one is not as favorable as the other

I think it's weird that
we as people in society
play so many roles
in other stories
you might be a hero
a villain
an extra
a savior
a destroyer
a lover
we are all these things

my younger self
would be thoroughly disappointed
if she knew
what I've done
she had it all planned out
an exact map
I was supposed to follow
I'm supposed to be different
I was walking the road
she wanted
but life came
and tore the road out the ground
with ****** teeth
and sharp talons
until its shattered pieces lay around me
you can't put a road back together
if you cant remeber where it was
you were going in the first place

hey don't look
at the injustice
poverty
death
the wails
help they cry
but hey
look
tristan is cheating on Khloe with Jordyn
isn't that interesting
hey don't look
over there
where we do awful things
you don't want to see that?
do you?
here's a new dance challenge try it
*** look at what she's wearing
that's right
arent these shiny things so pretty
you dont need to care about that yucky stuff
just stay here
trapped in your little bubble
until we no longer need you
isn't it easier?
to pretend
everything's ok

my mind is the most important thing to me
the only thing truly mine
they can break your body
silence your mouth
they can change your appearance
and force you to say what they want
but they cannot take your thoughts
what power!
to be able to think whatever you want
no consequences
no worries
all yours
that's why I carefully select what I share
because my thoughts are my treasures
you would just give away your treasure to any old person
would you?

in acting today
my teacher said
the more space you take up
the more confident you seem
the more attention you gain
while other kids broadened their shoulders
stretched out their feet
and put their hands on their hips
I shrank into my self
attention is not wanted by everyone you know!

sometimes I feel
as if the fountain of ideas
has run dry
like every poem, movie, book, song
is in one way or another
the same as another one
is it possible?
have we reached our peak?
will there ever be anything new?
fresh?
even this poem I am writing now
is it just recycled material?

I don't write
love poems about
sunshine
rainbows
unicorns
strawberry scented marker
there's too many
of those
I write
what I think nobody wants to hear
I write other peoples
struggles
fears
pain
heartaches
because I'm not really a poet
im more of a
collector

I ate eggs and toast for breakfast
no butter
no salt
no jam
no jelly
not because I want to
but because I have to

I worked out for 2 hours straight
crunches
lunges
sit ups
squats
I only had one meal today
so dizzy but I keep going
no, because I want to
but because I have to

I wore a crop top
filled my face with makeup
but in my earring
and curled my hair
time to go out with my friends
I'm tired
my body hurts
but I still go
not because I want to
but because I have to

there are rumors being spread about me
they say
I'm a *****
a liar
a fake
they call me
ugly
stupid
f
a
t
I defend myself
helplessly
not because I want to
but because I have to

I'm sad
I'm angry
no one cares
they hate
me
wasted time
wasted life
**** yourself
they say
I've done what they told me too so far
so why stop now
so I stepped in front of the car
not because I wanted to
but because i had to

I ate them as a child
7
Dunking them in water
Because they were too spicy to swallow
Almost like burning coals
Still, I ate them because you did

I ate them in middle school
13
As we passed the bag back and forth
Between us during math
Knowing if caught
It would be goodbye
To the bag, we both chipped in to buy

I ate them freshman year
Our first football game
While you stared at the cheerleader
In the skirt and high ponytail
Later on, you´d show me the texts
And I would pretend
Not to care too much

I ate them just a year ago
Sitting at my table doing homework
Watching the new
Your car was suddenly on screen
I knew before the reporter even said it
You were dead

I eat them now
As I type a poem about you
You hated poetry
How ironic
As I reach for another
I could've sworn
I felt your hand
Bump against mine

I'm tired of
candy
Sweet and ****
Crushed hearts
Chocolate roses
Sweet Tarts
I'm tired of
I love you
Dreams don't come true
You think you're sly
Do all men lie?
I'm tired of
Broken windows
Mine and yours
Matching robes
His and hers
I'm sick of
Honey, sweet pea
It's not you, it's me
Please don't go
Honey is for bees
I'm tired of
Broken dreams
Shattered hearts
Empty beds
Hope went too far

The world is ending you know
The life around me tell me so
No aliens
Or monsters
Or raptures from god
No huge asteroid to strike us out
Like pins at a bowling alley
Boom
Just us
Live by the sword
Die by the word
I guess we've been living by the sword far too long

I'm afraid
Of wolves with big hands
Gleaming teeth
And sweet voices

I'm afraid of cunning foxes
Who pretend to be your friend
But have something dark in mind
For you at the end

I'm afraid of snakes
Who after injecting you with their poison
Carry you off to their lair
And wrap their body around yours

I'm afraid of stray dogs
Who follow you down the street at night
Barking obscene words
And taking nips at bits of your body
When they can

I'm afraid
Of all the wild animals
Free to roam around
At night
As I lock each and every one
Of my deadbolts