he loves freely,
peacefully,
beautifully,
quietly in the middle of the night,
love making,
he loves.

he loves like chocolate ice-cream,
the mmmm...taste in my mouth,
licking lips,
warm feeling in my heart,
he loves.

he loves like mama loves her baby,
cuddling,
tickling,
lovingly,
kissing,
woeing me to sleep,
he loves<3

I love starecases
I love the different levels of them,
especially the colours,
black, brown which ever hue,
one likes or chooses.
however,
I hate the ones we have at home,
the ones covered in ****** stains,
I know
I sound insane,
but the ghost still lives and on walks on them,
the ghost of mom,
you remember dad,
you were there when she died,
in my arms,
when you shot her brains out
one,
two,
like a boxing match,
she was knocked out,
why didn't you listen to her?
when she told you to put the gun down?
she now sleeps six feet underground,
so much for the love of staircases.

your the reason I wake up at night,
sipping coffee,
hands trembling,
the fear of failing,
has got me studying
preparing
preparing
PREPARING!!!
like a owl at night,
my eyes glued to the book,
the inevitable sight,
I have no choice,
but to go through these books,
past papers,
study notes,
last minute cramming,
untill I face the dreaded cold halls of my school,
to finally face you....

can I go outside,
to see the smiling sun,
wheel me around with my wheelchair in the park,
play with other kids,
just for a while,
just this last time.

can I take off my bandana,
let the breeze of wind brush against,
my cheeks,
hands,
hairless head,
just this last time,
for me,
please.

just this last time,
before I go to bed,
and never wake up again,
let me see,
the twinkles in moms eyes,
to play with the rays of sunlight,
through my fingers, feet, toes, hairy arms,
just this last time,
before lullabies of goodbyes,
are sung to me,
before I go to sleep,
just this last time
please.

for I know,
they'll be no me,
tomorrow,
I would have breathed my last breath,
and may leave those I love to cry in sorrow,
so please,
let me be,
just this last time,
just for me.

my heart,
was a broken glass,
the other half could never be seen,
nor found,
my hands were dry as a desert,
the emptiness in the cracked parts,
could not describe the empty feeling I felt inside,
my mind,
lost in cynical thoughts of suicide,
slicing my skin with an object,
I labelled as my friend,
the blade,
that I thought could end the pain that poisoned my dying soul,
and left a stain of endless,
cries,
fears,
I tried hiding inside,
you opened up a part of me that I thought could never be healed by anyone but you,
sitting here reminiscing to myself how wonderful you are,
the epiphany of needing you in my life,
has never meant this much to me,
you changed me,
and for that I thank you so much ,
for coming into my life,
I love you God.

as I lie down to sleep,
these silent memories,
like snails,
slowly crawl into my head,
every memory stuck on replay,
memories of our last kiss
in your small silver car,
the last kiss shared before we faded  away,
like dust we dispersed into air,
memories of that day still
haunt me,
your face
it wont go away,
those beautiful eyes,
the way your touch sent waves of explosions,
inside and outside of  me
you were the only one who could release that feeling in me,
because you knew me,
you once loved me,
such memories are too precious to eradicate,
to make them go away,
how I wish it would never hurt this much to go to bed,
sleeping in a world of old memories,
and shedding oblivious tears.

what a bundle of joy these little ones are
to me,
like stars in the sky,
they always create a warm feeling of light
in my heart.

their innocent minds,
with innocent talks,
words of an ideal fairytale life
their hopes, and dreams,
make me smile,
the fact that they have the drive inside of them
that compels them to love life
and never give up
when the going gets tough

It saddens me to know that someday
I'll have to face the reality,
that this moment of their childhood will come to an end
where they will grow up
their minds compelled,
to to experience more of life,

the worst part is the epiphany
that someday I'll pick them up
and place them down,
and never pick them up again.