She looks around to see if there's anyone watching her.She quickly runs to the bathroom with tears filling her eye. The flashbacks are back again of what she used to call love. She locks herself in one of the bathroom and quietly the tears pour out, too oblivious to the pain she's feeling inside.
Out she pulls her only comfort, her friend and her relief. The blade so sharp digs into her skin cutting, cutting away the heavy thoughts, the nightmares, the fear, the pain she refuses to face yet she knows the blade she cuts with is her only protection from them.
The blade is there to take all the pain away, slowly , surely she lies to herself.
Her cuts deepen without her realising or thinking about the immense dripping of blood.
Suddenly it all disappears, the pain slowly fades away, her blade, her friend has fulfilled its job once again.
Its all over she say.

I was only a small child. He pulled me by my hair and threw me on his bed. He climbed on top of me and whispered into my ears that I was the best gift that god had ever given to him for his own use. He looked at me with so much anger, hunger, desired intensity, I could see the fire in his eyes as they began to dilate. He slapped me on my face thrice and shouted at me to stop crying and that my tears were not gonna save me now. He could see the fear in my eyes, but his cold heart so selfish of this child in front of this monster turned its back on me, the child that used to be loved, cared, and well looked after. He began tying my arms to the bed and my legs too. His proximity was too much for me because I could smell the alcohol, the heaviness of this man against my skin. He began touching me, trying to make me believe that everything was going to be okay and soon it would all go away . What could I have said? For I was only a small child back then. All I could recall was the flash of a girls innocence stripped away by her own flesh and blood, her father the man that help his wife give birth to his only child, the man whose now become her biggest nightmare. If I had to say something to him right now, questions of why he had done what he did to me would come about. Why dad? Why did you do it? Why did you **** and abuse me? I thought fathers are suppose to love and protect their daughters? Why did you make me hate you so? You have left me scarred. All I see in the mirror is an ugly, used, girl with a lot of blood on her hands. I feel so *****, you made me *****. I cant stare at any guy without seeing your face and that evil smile, that smile my worst nightmare because I always knew what it meant. I hate you, you ruined my life and now, now I cant even begin to describe how much I wanted or have tried to **** ,myself because of you. I hope your happy, proud of yourself, do feel you have achieved what you wanted? Did you honestly love me? Why why did it have to be me? I guess only God knows, after all I was the best gift that God had given to my father.

Look at me,look at me and tell me what you achieved out of hurting me? Did you not stop to think to yourself to think of how I felt? Did your cold heart not bare to listen closely, to show a single care for me? It seems as if you enjoyed inflicting your vain pain on me.its as if your inhumanity is a cover to what ever your hiding under your cracked hands. Why did you do this to me? What did I ever do to gain hate from you? All I ever did was smile at you, try to be your friend ,but you threw it back into my face. You made me feel so small, so belittled as you viciously trampled on me, slowy not realising how much I wanted to hide away from you. You never ever gave me a chance to be your friend, and all I can say now is here you are looking at me, at my grave, your lost for words, speechless. I gave in too quick to your game so there you have it, you win. Dont cry, dont feel bad, I want you to smile at the fact of getting rid of me, smile and move on but know that your the reason im dead. R.i.p amanda todd

I love him, I still do. The days have gone by so quick yet I can't eradicate the thoughts of him that linger in my head, reminiscing every smile on his face, look in his eyes, his beautiful smile that made me feel like everything would be okay, his manly smell that one scent that always drew me near to him, those times, those seconds, those hours, that minute that one moment that my mind in oblivion can not feel yet my heart in rapid beating felt in depth, in love for him and me specifically for him, I won't forget no matter how hard it will be I will always love him truly.

Look at me. In these eyes innocence has been replaced with a beautiful black woman, with fully grown african curves, mother natures recipe. In her eyes reflects a mature mind whose childish thoughts have been eradicated and replaced with with adult thinking and each and everyday as she grows she ages less in her looks yet her mind gains more wisdom about the life around her and herself and others too.

They never knew what happened to me when I was a child. They never bothered to check or even ask why I kept so quiet all the time. They never knew what he used to do to me when they weren't around. My precious tiny body, my innocence stripped away by own cousin, who always made the world his play ground. A devil, my nightmare in disguise whose favourite times with me were always at night where everyone had gone to bed and he would sneak up to my bed and do as he pleased with me as he kept telling me that everything would be alright and that this was his way of showing how much he loved me. How could I have listened to him? Believed all his lies as he told me that "this is to be kept a secret between the two of us". What did I know? For I was a little child whose world was filled with childish thoughts and silly fairy tale dreams that meant nothing. How did those dreams become my fear so quick? How can one forceful kiss or painful touch give me endless nightmares? Look at me today, look at this young woman that I have become today, still living in that fear because of my childhood. I've become such an insecure being, still questioning and trying to understand why my cousin did what he did to me. Worst of all how could they not see it? See what was happening in front of their eyes. Did they not love me enough? Did they? Even after attending so many counselling sessions why do I still feel out of place? I feel like I'm lacking something that could have made me proud to call myself beautiful or special. Almighty father forgive me for taking so long to forgive him, forgive everything his done to me, forgive him for not asking me for my apology, forgive me for finding it hard to forgive.

they say once you lose someone you thought truly loved, your life changes completely because maybe that one person was the reason you woke up everyday with a reason to live, smile, dance silly whilst being in the rain, the reason why your heart skipped a beat, the reason why you had a reason to be inlove, to know that no matter what happened you would be alright because every time you ran in his arms or opened up your heart and your thoughts of worry they would listen to you, guide you and be there for you through that time of joy and sadness. Its hard because its as if you have nothing to hold onto, you feel indifferent, you hide behind the bathroom door, lock it behind you and cry, cry because things will never be the same again, cry because you wish you could turn the hands of time, cry because your struggling to get over him, cry because its the only way to let the pain come out and cry because you know you've changed.